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This is a discussion on You know you're an INFJ when... within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by richwanket Oh My God! I thought I was the only one who has no problem holding teachers ...
Everyone else has written so eloquently and at such length on the matter, it seems as though anything I could add would be extraneous, BUT I would like to contribute, so I'll rehash the most salient points in my case:
1. People younger than you love you, people older than you love you, and people your age think you are a total freak (but secretly admire you/find you intimidating)
2. The bad opinion of a complete stranger can ruin your day and send you into fits of tears and self-loathing, even as you know it doesn't really matter because what does s/he know about you? (But, what if s/he is also an INFJ and right that you are worthy of so low an opinion?) This possibility sends you into an existential free-fall of near-epic proportions. Only journaling, or a very long and deep discussion with your therapist or other suitable being, in which you obsessively detail all of your faults and whims and then catalog why they have to be there to counter your good points can restore balance and inner harmony. At that point, you're wishing you were in that other person's presence because you have now thought of twenty good responses for his or her one, crappy comment.
3. You can live and work with people for a decade and never let them in at all; conversely, they are amazed at how much you know about them even though you never hang out.
4. The fact that you have lived and worked around these people for so long and spent so little time with them makes you feel horrible about yourself - how can you be so anti-social? What's wrong with you? You then actively engage in trying to be more socially outgoing. This lasts for about a week, and then you are so exhausted that you snap the head off of the next person who talks to you, take the day off, and revert to your isolationist ways. You then spend days agonizing over what a loser you are, even though you know it's just that you are an introvert. You want to tell everybody you love them and it's not them, it's you - but you're pretty sure they don't care one way or the other. This bothers you more than you would like to admit, because not having spent hours and hours engaged in meaningless, frivolous conversations and activities trying to be friends with them you can't really justify your strong feelings of care and concern for them. It Just IS. You are sure no one can ever, ever understand that except you.
5. When you stopped trying to fit in and be like everyone else, you suddenly became the person everyone else wanted to be around and get to know. This seems completely unfathomable to you, because you are the same weirdo oddball you have always been. You constantly question other people's motives in wanting to be your friend. Sadly, you are more often than not correct when you feel that stab of "probably not in your best interests to cultivate this one". Even more sadly, you'll do it anyway because doggone it, you aren't going to judge people like that! Then, generally too late, you remember that your intuition has never let you down. You will fight this battle to the end, and you will lose it every time - but, you feel very high-minded and ethical while you are nursing your most recent emotional wounds, because at least you gave that person a chance. Of course, you never really did - you just deluded yourself into thinking you did. Your first impression IS always right.
There's so much more - but that's enough for now. :)
Amazing to see how some posts seem to describe me to a t, whereas some I can't relate to at all. But then again with over 3000 posts and people with many different backgrounds testing as INFJ, that might not be so strange at all.
When you tell yourself over and over again that doing something is harmful to your sanctity and well-being, yet you continue because you believe the experience will inspire some kind of pleasure or knowledge.
You know you're an INFJ when most everyone around you thought and even told you there was something wrong with you because weren't like them, and you eventually began to believe it yourself- until you discovered the truth that you could not be like them without being a fraud and an impostor, and those who loved you would not change you for the world.
Also when you want to continue because you are afraid of letting go.
I just want to thank y'all because my dad is an INFJ, it seems, and reading everything you've written here has cast some light on the mystery that he is and helped me understand and appreciate his awesomeness a bit more. Especially:
- How he can be so deeply content with such a seemingly ordinary, unexciting, routine life. He's retired and my mom's not. In the morning they do crossword puzzles together and in the evenings they play scrabble and watch TV. During the day he e-mails his relatives, runs errands, and cooks dinner for my mom. That's all. Sounds boring, but it sure seems like it's the happiest time of his life.
- How he can blame himself for things that he has to know are not his fault, that we tell him are not his fault, especially relating to his children's problems. (Fortunately, things are better now. Just wanted to let y'all know that so you don't feel bad. ;) )
- How he will remind me when another family member's birthday or holiday is coming up, because he knows I'm terrible with those things and he doesn't want them not to hear from me and feel bad. But he reminds me very gently, so I won't feel like he's telling me what to do, because he knows I'm very independent and hate being told what to do.
- How this also tells me that in fact he's the one who is deeply touched by such gestures, and it's his birthday and father's day that I should be sure not to miss.
- How any kind of interpersonal commotion is an assault to his sense of peace. (And he married into an Italian family!)
- How he has to vent his frustrations sometimes.