[StevieRay]

Well this post has been covered before and the motivations are obvious (probably). It seems the easiest way to run across INFJ's honestly is through the internet; it isn't a natural interaction so I wanted to find out how to run across you guys "naturally" and how to increase the odds. Quite frankly I am looking for an INFJ friend or mate and I guess I need to have a sense of hope in doing so. I have run across 5 INFJ's confirmed in the last 3 years "naturally" 3 of which I pursued only to find out they were already engaged/courting; seems you guys go off of the market quickly and are in high demand as well as in short supply! Another I ran into I had a relationship that was over a long distance that didn't work out ... So if I could find some surefire ways of running into you guys that would be most helpful! Would love to know habits and what you do when you do get out and about. It really seems like a 1 in a 200 shot of meeting one of you guys; at the same time once you do meet one it hard to find that it will work out. Probabilities don't seem very high based on many factors: your rarity, age, attraction etc... Thanks in advance for any replies!

[Aizar]

Um...my home.

I only go out when I need to. When I do, I look for the quietest place possible with the fewest people, or conversely, a big impersonal crowd where I can blend in. Sometimes you may find me at the bookstore, or in my favorite restaurant with a friend. In class and at work I'm the very quiet person in the back row, talking mostly only to the teacher/boss about what needs to be done. In the cafeteria I'm the person in the corner reading a book, usually alone, smiling to myself, sometimes giving people a polite nod or smile but that's as far as it goes.

[emerald sea]

maybe if you go to a Barnes & Noble ~ or the cafe in there, you might run into one of us...we like places like that. you could always ask a question of someone you see wandering around looking at books, or mention how much you love a book they are looking at (if that's the truth)...might spark a conversation.

be friendly but just don't come on strong in any way, or hover around us/follow us around. don't make the conversation very long...it would be better just to go there on a regular basis and keep "accidentally" running into us there, than to try to get to know us when you first meet us. take it really slow. alot of us take relationships very slowly and would prefer to be friends first. be honest - no pretense or false compliments or the like - fakeness in any way is a turnoff. we can see through the facade - so be who you really are, around us - that will make us more likely to trust you; and if we don't trust you, we will never, ever, become interested in you, so trust is crucial. if we don't seem to want to carry on a conversation, it's not necessarily rejection, so don't take it as that - we might just be at Barnes & Noble as an escape from people and wanted to be left alone. and expect initial skepticism...it can take a while to break through the trust barrier with us. i don't mean to be overly negative or make you think it is not going to go well. i just want you to know that we can be really cautious and very introverted, and that doesn't mean we don't like you. how we respond to you all depends on the mood we are in, when you try to interact with us.

oh - and - the typical 'flirting' signals probably do not apply to our behavior. if you do receive those signals from us, they may or may not mean anything. sometimes when we are just being friendly we may be interpreted as flirting. you probably are not going to get a consistent set of "signals" from us - more likely we will confuse you with a bunch of mixed signals. (i know personally that i am the queen of mixed signals, lol.)

we have the capacity to care deeply about someone and reach out to them, without ulterior motives - so concern for you, being protective of you from people who mistreat you, helping you out in crisis - is an attitude we may try to have towards everyone in general, and is not indicative of special feelings (although, obviously, we do care a lot about those we love). we believe in being good to others, often even if those others hate us, and we tend to have a long fuse towards people - so being nice to someone, alone, is not an indication of fondness.

a good sign that we actually like you as a person (not necessarily as a romantic interest, but at least as a friend, which could eventually develop into romantic interest, although it may not) is if we initiate spending time with you. we may agree to go along somewhere with someone, if they invite us, just because we want to be polite/kind (but dread having to go, and wish we didn't have to)...so our initiating contact is the way to know how we really feel about you. we really like our alone time; so if we make the choice to start conversations with you often, and especially if we initiate spending time with you when it involves leaving our homes to do so, you're definitely someone we like. we will also be very private about our inner selves until we start to trust you - so if we start to open up to you about very personal things, you're 'in,' you've broken the trust barrier, and please don't do anything to violate our trust from that point on.

good luck!

[Dei_Castigator]

At the Friendly Local Gaming Store, home, chilling with my close friends in the commons area, or outside in a quiet place listening to music and drawing.

[Man_With_No_Name]

Why is it so important to hook up with an INFJ? After being on this forum a while and seeing such a diversity in personalities among INFJ's it makes me wonder how accurate online psychology tests really are.

Second things that seem to matter the most to people at first in a relationship are 1) looks, 2) income, 3) social class, 4) distance apart, 5) religion, 6) culture/ ethnic background, 7) You ideal place to live, 8) family oriented or not, 9) want kids, adopt, or no kids, 10) How the family will accept the relationship.

I can go on and on. While the person having a personality that may be compatible to yours could improve the odds that the relationship will last, I think there are so many other factors that most people feel are more important.

[Lost in Oblivion]

Why are you looking specifically for an INFJ? I mean, in my opinion, you should just let whoever come your way come your way...if you spend the whole time looking for an INFJ you're probably gonna miss a lot! Just cause they're an INFJ doesn't mean they'll be awesome for you, just saying. If you have differing opinions with another INFJ you might be in a little twist.

Anyways...I'm a dude but you'd find me off by myself somewhere or inconspicuously with close friends. Look for the quiet one that isn't shy, but is content to be alone (big difference!). If I could give you one tip it would be that. :)

[KelseyT]

I'm everywhere where I want to be

[Hokahey]

seems you guys go off of the market quickly

I would disagree with this statement unless it's common for my female counterparts. I've had 1 relationship ever that lasted 1.5 years and I'm 28.

Also, that would be awesome if I were in "high demand" lol....I wouldn't know what that looks like though.


As far as your concerns for finding INFJ's, personally I go with the flow and end up where ever I go. If that makes sense. It's like a klingon ship that randomly comes out from being cloaked and is just there and then takes off and goes back to cloaked.

[Sire H]

Oh lord.

I'm an INFJ myself and I'd love to know where to find some fellow INFJs. Hell, to find an INFJ partner, that would be a dream... but the possibility of me even finding another queer male INFJ in the population is something like one in two-thousand, and that's not even considering singleness, location, maturity, etc...

As far as I know, we're pretty darn elusive.

[Vivid Melody]

Well gosh, I guess my whole marriage is based on unnatural interaction because the internet is where I met my husband :P lol I didn't meet him through a dating site though so it was more random and I understand what you mean, I'm just messing with you. I take it you just meant you want a better chance of meeting one locally. Well I agree with the book store/library suggestion. I also agree with the other posters that said not to focus on type so much. You're naturally attracted to who you're attracted to. So most likely, you'll end up with a type you're naturally compatible with so long as you focus on your compatibility with the person. I ended up with an ENFJ on the internet (my preferred type for a mate although I wasn't unaware of it at the time) and on the internet no less which seems an unlikely place for them to be lol so yeah, don't limit yourself so much. Open yourself up to all sorts of people and INFJ's are easy enough to spot...or at least introverts are lol. Usually they'll be sitting/standing alone in public lost in their head but then, that just might be an INFP, INTP, or INTJ which you may find you're compatible with in a friendship or relationship as well :)