INFJ Men and relationships

**GreenCoyote** · 02-23-2010 01:08 PM

also...
I agree with btmangan.

we can be like INFP's when it comes to healing people's wounds...

however unlike INFP's I think we can absorb and live those wounds out as a means to understand the person we are dealing with...

I have a hard time with ex's though... because I can remember feelings really easily... my ex-boyfriend visited last weekend... and it made me so extremely happy, then he left and I feel like I am on the hangover of love right now.

**Ransomer** · 03-10-2010 05:32 AM

Originally Posted by addle1618

How often are you set on truly liking someone? For me it has only happened once in my life. Don't get me wrong I have had plenty of crushes but I think I have only been set on one girl before. How about you?

OMG for me it is a certain type of girl but I think I know what you mean. I new a girl my freshman year in high school and we both clicked together. We never talked about love or emotions but we both knew that we loved each other. Looking back I believe she was an INTJ. She moved it was sad but I moved on and continued dating but I never felt that same bond that we had again until fairly recently. A girl had just started at my work and after meeting her only a few times I knew we could have the same bond. I just knew it. I didn't want to push it in fear of scaring her away but we became friends which developed to more than friends. I am so happy that it wasn't just one girl I could have that deep love kind of bond. I had her take the test and she is an INTJ as well. I find it funny that the rarest male personality type is 'head over heels' for the rarest female personality type.

**Miss Tfy** · 10-04-2010 06:56 AM

Sorry to pick up an old thread here, but I just have to say you guys are amazing. I never realised men could be so loving, deep, thoughtful and compassionate. I would give anything for a guy to feel all of these things that you describe, about me. Quite sure there are many girls out there who feel the same as me, if it's any consolation.

I've either just been so unlucky never to have met men like you, or put them off in some way that I am totally oblivious to.

**Jwing24** · 10-04-2010 09:48 PM

Crushes sure. Went crazy about someone? Hmm. I can't say I did, but someone did reject me harshly enough that it screwed me up pretty good for about two years. I think I've always been afraid of commitment, and that hasn't lessened as I've gotten older. Even though I've never been in a relationship, that hasn't stopped me from fearing any I actually enter into will fail.

**Sage** · 10-05-2010 03:16 AM

True love seems unattainable to me because of my high expectations. Then again, are they that unreasonable? I want an honest and faithful partner. Someone who will love me as I am and who will be truthful, even if that truth may hurt.

I was married briefly. We were together for 3 years before getting married. Looking back, I don't know what I was thinking. She wasn't right for me at all. I think I was with her because it was exciting. I let her lifestyle consume me. I was pretty sheltered until she came along. I was deeply in love with her then I found out she was having an affair. I was trying to deal with it but eventually I realized that she disgusted me and she had an ugly soul. She dropped a bombshell and told me of two other people she had slept with while we were dating. Things ended very badly. A fight ending with legal issues. The worst and scariest time of my entire life. I'm one of the most gentle people you'll ever meet and I let my bottled up pain explode when she got in my face. I regret not keeping my emotions in check and have been paying for it with a shattered heart ever since.

I have a really hard time letting anyone get close to me because of her. I have matured well beyond my years because of that. I also feel like I wasted 4 years of my life but I know have a greater sense of apprection for the important things in life. With my jaded heart, I know what I want and I will never settle again. I didn't think I would ever love again...and here we are.

I love someone. I don't know if I'm in love yet. I've learned to be patient. This girl has everything I want to share with someone - love and compassion for humans and animals, high intuition, off the chart intelligence, insight, an open mind, wit, excellent grammar (which I think is sexy as hell!)...some of these are virtues, some are rather superficial. The biggest issue between us is my hestation because I don't know if I can trust her to be faithful, sexually. That scares the shit outta me. She's 7 years my junior and I don't know if she has the experience to realize the ramifications of her actions on others. I guess if things are meant to be, we can be patient. We have both told each other 'I love you' in that we care very much for the other's well being so at least the feeling's mutual. :o)
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**the_awoken** · 10-09-2010 04:10 PM

I so glad I found this forum. INFJs are so rare. The more I read these, the more I understand about myself. I have similar stories with girls as you guys. The girl I fell completely in love with I found out was an INFJ too. It made sense why we were so in love with each other. We are not together now, but its ok. What I have realized about INFJs is that its in our personality to devote ourselves to our partners. Its our gift and our curse.
I have an idea about how to deal with this. You don't get to choose who you fall in love with. And you don't get to chose who falls in love with you. And really when you do end up with that person it is because they decided to let you in. I know Ive been in situations that I wanted to force the person to fit my concept of a partner but thats just unrealistic. The way I see it I need make use of my intuition and face the truth. I know most of my failed relationships could have been nipped in the bud but I was in denial. There are more than 3 billion girls on this planet and I shoudn't let a handful ruin my life with scars. If we make use of our intuition we can save ourselves a lot of grief by recognizing where certain relationships will go. You don't have to let your personality get the best of you.

**Emerald Legend** · 10-09-2010 07:05 PM

I haven't been lucky enough to find true love yet. I've always imagined my ideal lover to be very simple, uncomplicated, intelligent, and capable of understanding the fact that one is lucky enough to find someone at all...and I've yet to meet someone like this (withdrawal from social activities doesn't help the case either lol).

I used to develop crushes in high school. I was always attracted to confident extroverted women who spoke their mind and were emotionally supportive/nurturing (ENFP perhaps). The closest thing to developing a genuine love interest happened over the Internet, where I used to write to this girl in Germany, but it never worked out (not sure what I was expecting from her). I've accepted the fact that I might be alone forever and I'm pretty content about it.

**Btmangan** · 10-09-2010 08:15 PM

Originally Posted by Emerald Legend

I haven't been lucky enough to find true love yet. I've always imagined my ideal lover to be very simple, uncomplicated, intelligent, and capable of understanding the fact that one is lucky enough to find someone at all...and I've yet to meet someone like this (withdrawal from social activities doesn't help the case either lol).

I used to develop crushes in high school. I was always attracted to confident extroverted women who spoke their mind and were emotionally supportive/nurturing (ENFP perhaps). The closest thing to developing a genuine love interest happened over the Internet, where I used to write to this girl in Germany, but it never worked out (not sure what I was expecting from her). I've accepted the fact that I might be alone forever and I'm pretty content about it.

What us INFJ men need to do... is to quit assuming that no one understands us... locking ourselves behind our Ni.

We walk around with these grim looks and people assume that we are angry or sad... and what kind of woman would date a guy who she thought was angry our sad. We need to be happier in our own skin, and show that... before we can show women our true value.

And we really do have so much to offer.

**Persephone** · 10-09-2010 11:06 PM

I met an INFJ in a summer session. We didn't meet each other until the end, but right away, we clicked so much that we spent whatever time we had left just talking exclusively. During the course of the year, we talked a lot online and got to know each other more. I saw him this summer, and things have... changed. I have a lot of buddies, so I didn't hang out with him all the time, and also because he doesn't seem to want to hang out when they're around. But when we did, sometimes he would talk about the other girls with whom he would like to have a fling (and sometimes it was only appropriate for me to respond in kind about the same subject matter, namely, my myriad male prospects, most of whom are very good friends with me), and then sometimes disparage himself as he seems to be ashamed for his introversion and perceived lack of attractiveness and how he would never get women to like him. It seems like he's trying to get me to disagree with him, and at one point I straight out asked him whether he would like me to agree with him because he's confusing me, and he didn't know what to say.

Needless to say, this spun me around in circles as I don't know what to expect, because I do have feelings for him. His self deprecation made me sad and all this talk of other girls annoyed me. Above all, he acts like he's interested in me. For example, the first day we saw each other, instead of spending all night reuniting with everyone, he spoke to me exclusively for a long time. Sometimes he would hold my hand, and sometimes he would become... quite physical, like hugging me and lifting me up. He suggested on multiple occasions that I lean or sit on him, etc, and kissed me on the cheeks before I left after having spent all night talking to me (once again). I don't dare to open up to him in this aspect because he's sending out such mixed signals, and I have very practical reasons not to (after all, we meet during the summer...).

Yeah. This INFJ guy confuses the hell out of me. It seems like a gamble to pursue any kind of romance with him, and I don't really know why I'm so drawn to him. He usually initiates online contact, but sometimes he would go for months without so much as sending a word, just like now. I haven't heard from him in two months. The first time I posted about him here was when I first joined last year, and I can't believe I'm still talking about him.

**Jwing24** · 10-09-2010 11:45 PM

"then sometimes disparage himself as he seems to be ashamed for his introversion and perceived lack of attractiveness and how he would never get women to like him"

This.

Only speaking for myself, I have had this problem for a long time and it leads to me be indecisive. It plays out in that I am unable to initiate anything, to ask a girl out, anything of the sort. So far I am just unable to get over the hurdle.

I don't know if that gives you good perspective or not, but hope it helps.