[ForsakenMe]

According to this-INFJ Relationships-INFJs are "able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)."

That is not the case with me. I tend to think about my ex(es) pretty long after everything is over. I guess it's because I place 100% of my heart in a relationship and to take it all back afterward is a painful, time-consuming thing to do.

Anyone else here able to move on quickly?

[KelseyT]

It depends. Once I know the relationship is over with and know that it wasn't meant to be, then sure I will move forward. But, if it was one of those nasty breakups, for example a guy broke up with me out of nowhere then yes I would have a hard time. I remember a lot of my relationships I moved on after the break up because it was that knowing that it was over with and it wasn't meant to be, plus it was a learning experience. I remember when I was a junior in high school, I was in a relationship with a guy and I was head over heels with him, obviously my first love if you call it that, and when we broke up, I was so heart broken. Took me awhile to finally understand that I deserve better and that I need to move on for my own sake.

[Lost in Oblivion]

It's harder for me to say since I still haven't been in a relationship, but I'll still try to relate. The more I invest in someone, the harder it is for me to pull away. If someone "offends" my moral code, or is superficial or something of the like, I can pull away, no problem. Or at least, when I know for a fact they don't feel the same way I do back, it's easy to pull away.

Examples:
- One girl I liked turned out to be of the very...promiscuous sort. She was easy to let go of, once I found that out at least.
- One girl, I had, I felt, betrayed her trust (made the mistake of trying to solve family problems? hm...bad idea). After I wrote out a very long apology letter, explaining in detail how I felt and such, she simply said thanks, it was nice. Obviously didn't even care about the friendship, and up until then I had been very, shall I say, up in arms? (I'm not sure how to put it - hell, I don't even think I know what that means) but once I found out she didn't even care about our friendship I let her go easily.
- On the other hand, other girls that I invest myself more in (the ones who I deem are worth more investment) are hard to let go. Even now with one that I invested in more (we consider each other brother & sister) I sometimes think and wish that it could be different.

With a huge emotional investment, I can't really let go. It's like a piece of me is still with them no matter what. And it sucks.

[ForsakenMe]

It depends. Once I know the relationship is over with and know that it wasn't meant to be, then sure I will move forward. But, if it was one of those nasty breakups, for example a guy broke up with me out of nowhere then yes I would have a hard time. I remember a lot of my relationships I moved on after the break up because it was that knowing that it was over with and it wasn't meant to be, plus it was a learning experience. I remember when I was a junior in high school, I was in a relationship with a guy and I was head over heels with him, obviously my first love if you call it that, and when we broke up, I was so heart broken. Took me awhile to finally understand that I deserve better and that I need to move on for my own sake.

Bold words: That happened to me and it took me many months to get over it.

I got involved with some online guy, but he was quick to let go of. Only took like a day or two to get over him.

The first love thing, I sometimes still feel tinged with sadness from time to time. (It's been two years)

So yes, I do agree, it all depends on the person. I'm also like this in friendships... One of my best friend of 3 years up and left me out of the blue without even saying goodbye. That hurt me a lot... But I got over it in about a month or two... Maybe three months.
With some other best friend of a year or so, I got over her in a day. But that's because she became this ultra-biotch and pissed me off more than words can describe!

It all depends, I guess.

EDIT: Just a tip for everyone... if you have broken up with someone (whether romantically or platonically)... It's better to just BREAK CONTACT from them immediately! Don't talk to them! Once they leave you, just drop out of their lives and don't talk to them. Even if they reach out to you, just ignore them. YOU are important, and so are your feelings. If you do this, you'll get over them very easily and quicker than if you just drag the failed relationship further than it's experimentation date!

[Jawz]

Well, I'll tell you that my relationship with a girl that I loved but we never really dated or professed each others' love took me much longer to get over than my current one with my ex-wife. And I loved her even more than I loved my high school friend.

I guess it depends on the circumstances in which the relationship ended. With the girl in my high school, I was unaware of the fact that i was in love (I was only 17) and what it meant - therefore when she just cut me out of her life for another guy (whom she eventually married - which makes me happy for her). It took me 4 years or so to completely get over her.

OTOH, with my ex-wife, I knew the relationship was could potentially crash even before we got married. I tried the best I could to make her see the light, but just could not compete with her and family's inherent materialistic natures. Therefore when it did crash, it took me less than a few months to forget her. Perhaps I'm repressing the memories (which may eventually prove to be more unhealthy) - but now when I back at our 7 years together, all I see is a hollow, empty stranger looking back at me with no love in her eyes.

[Decoy24601]

According to this-INFJ Relationships-INFJs are "able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)."

That is not the case with me. I tend to think about my ex(es) pretty long after everything is over. I guess it's because I place 100% of my heart in a relationship and to take it all back afterward is a painful, time-consuming thing to do.

Anyone else here able to move on quickly?

It depends.

If they don't hurt me emotionally and I break up with them, I have already prepared myself mentally. With my past boyfriends, I broke up with them because it just wasn't going to work out. Those were easy to let go.

When they did hurt me emotionally, I broke up with them. I didn't prepare myself. I wasn't ready to let go. Only once did I dwell on it after the relationship ended though.

The only thing I haven't really been able to let go is my limerence, though I have no choice until it ends.

[daydr3am]

I never had a problem easily and quickly moving on, until my last ex. We broke up almost 6 months ago and I'm still devastated and miserable.

[Hokahey]

I only have really one experience to talk about. That took me a good 3 years to get over. I still think of her sometimes, but not in the same way anymore.

[thegirlcandance]

According to this-INFJ Relationships-INFJs are "able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)."

That is not the case with me. I tend to think about my ex(es) pretty long after everything is over. I guess it's because I place 100% of my heart in a relationship and to take it all back afterward is a painful, time-consuming thing to do.

Anyone else here able to move on quickly?

I think that as INFJs, it is difficult for us to completely eliminate our attachment to someone if we intuitively know that there was a true connection there. However, that is a matter of trusting our Ni 100% rather than allowing our emotions to take over. Determining between the two can appear to be a very fine line to a young INFJ.

I'm starting to believe that a lot of whether we can walk away from it easily or not more so determines on our nurture growing up rather than nature. Do you feel emotionally satisfied and loved by your family or do you fear rejection because of them? If you feel emotionally satisfied, then I'd assume that you would not have as bad of a problem walking away from a relationship because you know you have support and love from somewhere else that is more stable. However, if you have trouble walking away from a bad relationship then I almost kind of wonder if it is because you don't feel love from family and therefore you are really hoping to find that elsewhere, so the idea of getting rid of one you were dating and close to, then eliminates that dream that you've found it and you are "on your own" again.

For myself personally, with my first boyfriend (an ISFP) I had a lot of difficulty breaking away from him... for a few reasons. The main one that caused me to want to come back to him rather than walk away was his SP tendencies of coming back after him breaking up with me about every other week. This put me in not a great situation because he made the decision, but did not respect me to draw the line then. He thought he could come back a week after saying he didn't want me anymore and think things could be the way it used to. This continued for...... much longer than I should've allowed it to. I think the main reason I let it continue was because I feared being alone... which I emotionally felt.

After that I haven't had so much of a problem, as I quickly cut it off and attempt to be the responsible person because I've learned how bad it can get.

[saynomore]

Yes, it comes very quickly, but more like a eureka moment. Thoughts about the relationship ruminate around for quite awhile, and it becomes more and more evident through subtle and situational cues whether or not the relationship is growing or breaking down.

When I broke things off, it came as a total surprise to her and the reaction didn't seem aligned with our time spent together. I remember remaining empathetic, but unmoving in my decision. It came natural and matter-of-factly, almost as if I had over time been distancing the inmost parts of myself that either weren't encouraged or acknowledged. Similar to Jawz, to the very end I still gave ample opportunity for things to turn around, but when I knew it was over, that was it. It had already been done, there was just the matter of making it known.