[oxytocinjunkie]

Welcome to the Counsel for Counselors thread (:

There's been some interest in this being started due to individual help threads and having no definite place to talk about our own burdens seriously. Depending on how it's received will determine if it'll be stickied.

This thread is for those that seek help, guidance or kind words and for those that like to give them.
So if either of those are you then welcome!

[KelseyT]

Aw bless you!

[Jawz]

Great ! thanks oxy. I think before we sticky this - let's see how it goes. Just wanted to add that feel free to vent, seek help in this thread. I know you guys will probably come in here, want to post something, and walk away. But do keep in mind that we're listening and like to listen.

Btw, this thread doesn't mean that new threads for more help/support cannot be created.

I don't speak for everyone, but personally, I'd like to encourage everyone to start by posting anything they want to get off their chest in here. And we'll take it from there :) Let's be open and frank.

Edit: Please don't mistake our help for professional help. We're just normal people like you trying to help each other out as friends would :)

[Vivid Melody]

I am loving the picture you added. Thanks for doing this.

[Gnothi Seauton]

Since this idea is relatively new, maybe people who are going to provide this service should have the address of this thread placed on your signature as ways to get people to come here. Just an idea

Good luck, counselors of the counsel. Your help will be greatly appreciated for those in need of an open ear.

[Azure Bass]

I guess I'll break the ice.

It comes off as something that would go in the advice center, but I'd like it to stay here, in the INFJ forum.

I've noticed that there are a lot of people who don't have a grasp of who they are in their lives yet, and see them following me instead of making their own way. When I empathize with them, I feel like there's nothing there. Like their selves are missing from the embodiment they have. I feel that the acquaintances of mine that follow me are hopeless, and I don't know what I can do to help them if they won't make their own way. Attracting these kinds of people, how would one better deal with the problem between empathizing with them and actually helping them?

I've tried helping them in the past and they just took the ride and tried to take a mile. I denied some, who hurt themselves more for depending on me in the first place, and others just acted like leeches without learning anything from the help I've given. The ones that grew are still my friends, actually some of my best friends. I don't know what to do about the others, though. They seem to be in place with others around me and it's really odd to me how they get along yet console in me, risking their stability for what others think I can offer. It's like their insecurities speak, and it's nuts..

Is letting them be really the best thing to do? "Catcher In the Rye" reference says yes, but I would like to hear from you.

Also, is this empathy?

If you were to respond, I would be grateful. If not, that's okay too.

[Jawz]

When I empathize with them, I feel like there's nothing there. Like their selves are missing from the embodiment they have. I feel that the acquaintances of mine that follow me are hopeless, and I don't know what I can do to help them if they won't make their own way. Attracting these kinds of people, how would one better deal with the problem between empathizing with them and actually helping them?

It's a situation I've faced with people IRL before. My approach used to be try to make those people aware of what I thought was the cause of their hopelessness. I try to get people to talk and get more involved about themselves. This is not something that helps overnight or in one or two 'lectures'. For me it was tactful art where I would present myself emotionally when needed, and pull away when needed. I hate to call it a game - but having someone's best interests at heart means that sometimes you just have to watch them self-destruct because if you try to prevent that, and that person doesn't experience it - then their natural inclination would be to walk down that path again.

Also, is this empathy?

As for empathy, we can't help but feel the urge and need to sympathize with people in need. But what you can do is weigh that particular situation against a potentially more harmful situation. Not every scenario is the end-of-the-world scenario - and people are far more resilient than we are naturally inclined to give them credit for. Feeling for someone lies at the center of our beings as INFJ's but sometimes being too helpful can be detrimental as well. You just have to follow your intuition and come to the potential outcomes - and try to guide the other person down a path where they can learn and experience for themselves, while also receiving kindness and support - regardless of a good or bad outcome.

[Aizar]

Is letting them be really the best thing to do? "Catcher In the Rye" reference says yes, but I would like to hear from you.

"So, tell me about yourself." Maybe that line? I suppose the goal would be is to get them to focus on themselves, even the hurt-y parts. I think the classic therapist line is "And how does that make you feel?"

[Jawz]

"So, tell me about yourself." Maybe that line? I suppose the goal would be is to get them to focus on themselves, even the hurt-y parts. I think the classic therapist line is "And how does that make you feel?"

And I think it's just wrong - i got different reactions based on the questions I asked ... or the reactions I gave. I think asking someone "how does that make you feel" ... is pretty useless for certain people. If you've got a friend that you know isn't a feeler (and based on interactions we generally get a good idea) - then I think a better question would be "what do you think happened?", or "what do you think may happen?", and eventually, "well, if you think you do this, then try to imagine what might happen down the road?". If the person seems incapable of seeing the future, then I would paint an elaborate picture of what i think might happen.

We tend to assume that the people in front of us feel about certain things the same way we do - but for a lot of people out there it's not how they feel, but what they think is more important. I just used to let the logic oriented friends dictate the terms of the discussion. And the feeling oriented friends cry if they wanted.

[Azure Bass]

"So, tell me about yourself." Maybe that line? I suppose the goal would be is to get them to focus on themselves, even the hurt-y parts. I think the classic therapist line is "And how does that make you feel?"

I don't know what to say about that. I'm not sure whether it's there to help or hurt, those phrases. I guess I doubt others' trust in me. That's not going to last though, my doubt.

It's a situation I've faced with people IRL before. My approach used to be try to make those people aware of what I thought was the cause of their hopelessness. I try to get people to talk and get more involved about themselves. This is not something that helps overnight or in one or two 'lectures'. For me it was tactful art where I would present myself emotionally when needed, and pull away when needed. I hate to call it a game - but having someone's best interests at heart means that sometimes you just have to watch them self-destruct because if you try to prevent that, and that person doesn't experience it - then their natural inclination would be to walk down that path again.

Strategizing isn't only for games. It's true through reality that we make for ourselves. :\ I guess that is one of the best courses of action, since it's self caused through them..I'll deal with it.

As for empathy, we can't help but feel the urge and need to sympathize with people in need. But what you can do is weigh that particular situation against a potentially more harmful situation. Not every scenario is the end-of-the-world scenario - and people are far more resilient than we are naturally inclined to give them credit for. Feeling for someone lies at the center of our beings as INFJ's but sometimes being too helpful can be detrimental as well. You just have to follow your intuition and come to the potential outcomes - and try to guide the other person down a path where they can learn and experience for themselves, while also receiving kindness and support - regardless of a good or bad outcome.

So then...I should look for the way to help them, without giving too much of myself, or leading down a path of less resistance, but with drive to move on. I think I can do this.