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This is a discussion on Counsel for Counselors within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Mountain Climber Who in the hell am I? Who are you not?...
NOTE: I am sorry to anyone who reads this. It really is just me unloading my problems to the only people who will hear them (strangers on the internet). Don't read further if you're not interested, I will not blame you.
I have been grounded, have gotten in trouble with the law, suspended from school, deferred from admission to my #1 school, gotten three grades for the semester that were high 91s/low 92s where 92.5 was an A (and semester grades are the only ones that matter to colleges at this point), and all the while that I've been here at home, none of my "great" friends seem to have interest in hanging out with me or talking to me anymore. You find out who your true friends are when you stop inviting THEM to hang out I guess.
On top of all of that, I frequently feel like my girlfriend doesn't care about me. She's an ISTP, so even though it might not be true, it sure as hell feels that way. I can't even move on because there is nowhere to go to.
The worst part is, none of these problems are just in my own head, and I have endured them with remarkable resolve. I just wish life was better, and didn't have to feel so pointless all of the time. I just want to escape although I know escape to be impossible :(.
I'm not sure how your education system works, but here those are awesome grades (if they're out of 100).
Two, some people are just like that. Some of my friends don't move until someone asks them, and some ask all the time. I'm sure it will be better ^^, ask them out yourself, write a letter explaining how you feel (you can then choose to give them the letter or just write it to blow off some steam).
And the third... well the letter thing, but this one you gotta give. Or just talk to her explaining your feelings. I know it's tough, but otherwise she'll go on thinking all is fine.
Fourth... bothers me too sometimes :(
But it always gets better with time :D
ISTPs, from my understanding, generally kind of assume that you know they like you - I mean, they wouldn't be with you if you were a waste of their time.
I feel like you are interpreting this because of what has recently come crashing down on you, despite that you think that this problem is not in your head. I personally do not think it would help if you treated the relationship you have right now as you think you see it (that she does not care).
If you trust your girlfriend, I would talk to her about this. Of course, if you do not trust her to talk about this, then you should consider why you do not trust her.
I know it's been rough, man, but do what you can to make it better. If venting to an online forum helps, do it. If exercising helps, do it. We can run and escape from our problems, but they will catch up with us at a later point. You are not pointless - do not think you are not. You're still in school; you seem to me still quite young. If you are, don't worry about the friend business - you'll stumble across some genuine, real friends as you go along.I just wish life was better, and didn't have to feel so pointless all of the time. I just want to escape although I know escape to be impossible :(
Think of all the life you have ahead of you! Life is not about what college you go to, not about what arbitrary numbers you receive on an arbitrary paper. In years, that won't matter - what will matter is what you have made out of your life.
Wishing you the best.
So, I dated a woman a year younger than me for a few weeks last spring. It was absolutely magical; we clicked immediately, had no trouble at all talking (which is saying something for me), and had each other laughing constantly. The twenty-minute kiss on the first date pretty much sealed the deal ("Can I kiss you?" she asked me at her front door). For a few weeks, we chatted and texted constantly, went out every weekend, and saw each other a few times during the week. Then, she dropped by my apartment on a Monday evening to ask if we could slow things down. I had the "you have the brakes" conversation with her, but on that Friday, she broke things off with the stereotypical "It's not you it's me I don't want a relationship right now" speech.
I'm still not sure what happened, although I suspect it was a combination of (a) me coming on too strong and (b) her being busy with school and with sports (we were both in college at the time, although I have since graduated).
The kicker is, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her for a single day, and every other woman I meet pales in comparison (and no, she's not my first love, so I'm not seeing everything through rose-tinted glasses). I've always had trouble getting over women, but I can't shake the feeling that this one was something really special.
I ran into her at the gym last weekend, and said hi, but didn't stop to talk. It'd been eight or nine months since I'd heard from her or laid eyes on her. And, yep - as if I needed affirmation - those feelings are definitely still there.
So... do I ask her out? ...again? I can't shake the feeling that by doing so I would be disrespecting her decision.
^ Tough, but is going out for a friendly drink too much? Make it a friendly outing, but when you're out with her, I think you'll be able to "feel the pulse". How does that sound? :S
Hey so I'm new to this forum although I've been browsing it the last couple of days since I'm sick and stuck at home. So haha yay this is my first post. Was wondering if any other of you INFJs ever feel a bit misunderstood/unfulfilled by relationships? The only friends that I'd say truly understand me and give me the support I desperately need are the IXFJ and INFP. My other closer friends know that I've been going through a rough time (anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts) and yet still seem so distant, as if they're afraid to get any closer to me or just ask how I'm doing. When I confided in one of them, she even attributed my 'emotional instability' to a 'hormonal imbalance'!!! I mean seriously! I don't need you rationalise why I'm unstable, I need you to be there for me! Everyone else I know seems to see me as The Counselor, a cheerful/sympathetic presence that doesn't have any needs at all. And I don't know if it's an INFJ thing, but I HATE letting other people know that I'm not okay. I hate letting other people know that I need help. (Well except people on the internet :P) Partly because I feel like I don't want to be a burden, and partly because I kind of feel as if no one except myself would really be able to understand what I'm going through.
Okay that might have been more of a rant than I imagined. Am I alone?
I don't know how helpful this is. But I assure you, you are not alone.
Thank you. :') I guess the point of having a forum like this for INFJs especially is to reinforce how people can be there for each other. I'm learning.