[HollyGolightly]

Just wondering, is it normal for an INFJ to want to protect others more than themselves? I have a hard time defending myself, I do it but I don't do it well. On the other hand if someone else is in distress I can easily lose my temper and fight 'til the death. Also, if someone hurts me I readily blame myself and it stops me from defending myself as much as I should. It's as if I have more respect for other people's feelings than my own.
Anyone else feel the same?

[Nomenclature]

I think it's normal for any person with well-developed Fe, including me, to feel as if it's their responsibility to take on others' feelings as they would their own. But I don't have any problem defending myself, and even if I did, I know that others are there to help me. I guess that's why I'm so confident, is because I know that I'll never walk alone.

[R22]

Hollygolightly- I do a much better job of defending myself now (in my 30s) than I ever used to. Martial Arts has helped, it has given me a confidence that I didn't really have before. However,my fuse is much longer when it comes to myself, than it is when defending those I care about. And even now I'm more about defense and try to take the high road or I try a peaceful resolution, I really can't stand violence or nastiness & don't like myself very much when I find my assertiveness crossing the road in to aggression. Also, I have found that my biggest enemy is right here..me! That's my biggest challenge and what I've been trying to focus on the most..relationship with self. *sigh*

[HollyGolightly]

I think we're really self-critical but we see the good in others so I think that has something to do with it. I'ma young INFJ (I'm 17) so maybe I'll grow out of it.

[red riding hood]

I have that problem all the time. I think some one in the below thread made a very good point, the way to overcome that is to remember that if you do not care for yourself then you can not be able to care for others. It is sort of a leadership by example thing, if you want others to stand up for themselves, then you have to model the behavior. If you would not want to see someone else treated like that then give yourself the same respect. My best freind helped me over come that one, she said to picture someone doing something like that to her, and react the same way. I love her for her wisdom. I know it can be a hard thing to do, becuase hurting someone else is never something we want to do. There is enough anger in hatred in the world with out adding to it youself.

[HollyGolightly]

I have a hard time coping with anger. I can't express it properly because I am so placid and even-tempered so I don't deal with it very well. I try to defend myself but I do it badly. I calm down as quickly as I've lost my temper so I find it hard to follow it through. But I'll take your advice and imagine the person is doing the same thing to someone I love. That should get me angry enough
I'll practice now

grr grr grrrrrrrrrrrrr
Looks like I've mastered it

[flyintheointment]

I think we're really self-critical but we see the good in others so I think that has something to do with it. I'ma young INFJ (I'm 17) so maybe I'll grow out of it.

I'm not sure if this relates, but the problem which comes to mind is the tendency to elevate or idealize others, while being overly critical of ourselves, believing that we are more inferior in comparison, and giving more value to someone else's opinion above our own.

[thegirlcandance]

When I was in high school I felt like I was always doing stuff for others and trying to keep others happy. I still do, so I'm deeply hurt to a point of extreme stress and depression when someone is not happy with me. However, once I got to about 20ish or so my Ti started developing so that has helped me mentally be there for myself to build myself up.

[carnallace]

I have and am still struggling with wanting and being able to have the same level of compassion and respect for myself as I have for others.
I've spent the majority of my life doing whatever I could to please those around me, giving no thought whatsoever to what made me feel good or satisfied within myself. And I ended up becoming the opposite of all the things I thought people wanted of me. My pleasing and perfectionisitc tendencies eventually externalized into mental illness and disorder. I lost control of everything because what I wanted and needed, got lost in what my family and friends wanted and needed of me.
It may be our personality type, but regardless, we, as well as everyone, need to balance their relationships with others and the one they have with themselves. I know firsthand how detrimental not working towards that balance can be.

[silverlined]

It's my tendency to respect others more and skimp on self respect. (I will also tend to fight for other people's causes harder than I fight for my own) However, I'm learning to respect myself as well and that has been very helpful and I think both kinds of respect are pretty essential