[beast in peace]

I found this list aobut shame and some INFJ traits resonated in my mind. What do you think about this?? Do you relate to some, even to a slight degree?

Characteristics of Adults Shamed in Childhood


They are afraid of vulnerability and fear exposure of self.
They may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment, and feelings of inferiority to others.
They fear intimacy and tend to avoid real commitment in relationships.
They may appear either grandiose and self-centered, or seem selfless.
They feel that "No matter what I do, it won't make a difference: I am and always will be worthless and unlovable."
They frequently feel defensive when even minor negative feedback is given. They may suffer severe humiliation if forced to look at mistakes or imperfections.
They frequently blame others before they can be blamed.
They may apologize constantly and assume responsibility for the behavior of those around them.
They often feel like outsiders and have a pervasive feeling of loneliness, even when surrounded by those who love and care for them.
They project their beliefs about themselves onto others, frequently engaging in "mind-reading" and constantly feeling judged by others.
They often feel angry and judgmental towards the qualities in others that they feel ashamed of in themselves.
They often feel ugly, flawed and imperfect, and may be overly focused on make-up or clothing as a way of hiding perceived flaws in self.
They often feel controlled from the outside as well as within; normal spontaneous expression is blocked.
They often suffer from performance anxiety and procrastination and depression.
They often lie to themselves and others.
They frequently block feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like workaholism, eating disorders, shopping, substance abuse, list making or gambling.

[fillet]

I have felt a small number of these, but only to a small degree. This list does not remind me of INFJ at all. Or any other type in particular.

The only ones that I have related to were:
They often suffer from performance anxiety and procrastination and depression.
They are afraid of vulnerability and fear exposure of self.
They frequently block feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like workaholism, eating disorders, shopping, substance abuse, list making or gambling.

I feel very mentally healthy at the moment, but even during my down times, I have still been able to be optimistic.

[R22]

Hi Beast in Peace-
There was a lot from that list that I related to at various points in my life, but I also came from a shaming, guilt-inducing Catholic upbringing & both of my parents were abusive. I have mostly attributed those feelings to my upbringing, but I am sure the way I experience reality via my MBTI type doesn't help (though I'll bet other MBTI types who grew up in that kind of an environment would say something similar).

[LiteratureNerd]

SO many of these relate to me, and I thought I was completely crazy. The problem for me is that I judge myself so harshly that I assume others will judge me just as harshly. It's something I need/want to get over...at the same time, I can't imagine NOT being that way because it's so ingrained in me.

Thank you, thank you.

[angularvelocity]

I bolded the ones that remotely apply to me. Doesn't seem like a trend for me :(

Characteristics of Adults Shamed in Childhood


They are afraid of vulnerability and fear exposure of self.
They may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment, and feelings of inferiority to others.
They fear intimacy and tend to avoid real commitment in relationships.
They may appear either grandiose and self-centered, or seem selfless.
They feel that "No matter what I do, it won't make a difference: I am and always will be worthless and unlovable."
They frequently feel defensive when even minor negative feedback is given. They may suffer severe humiliation if forced to look at mistakes or imperfections.
They frequently blame others before they can be blamed.
They may apologize constantly and assume responsibility for the behavior of those around them.
They often feel like outsiders and have a pervasive feeling of loneliness, even when surrounded by those who love and care for them.
They project their beliefs about themselves onto others, frequently engaging in "mind-reading" and constantly feeling judged by others.
They often feel angry and judgmental towards the qualities in others that they feel ashamed of in themselves.
They often feel ugly, flawed and imperfect, and may be overly focused on make-up or clothing as a way of hiding perceived flaws in self.
They often feel controlled from the outside as well as within; normal spontaneous expression is blocked.
They often suffer from performance anxiety and procrastination and depression.
They often lie to themselves and others.
They frequently block feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like workaholism, eating disorders, shopping, substance abuse, list making or gambling.

[unico]

I have some of these traits, but I associate it more with my abusive upbringing and PTSD.

They are afraid of vulnerability and fear exposure of self.
They may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment, and feelings of inferiority to others.
They fear intimacy and tend to avoid real commitment in relationships.
They may appear either grandiose and self-centered, or seem selfless.
They feel that "No matter what I do, it won't make a difference: I am and always will be worthless and unlovable."
They frequently feel defensive when even minor negative feedback is given. They may suffer severe humiliation if forced to look at mistakes or imperfections.
They frequently blame others before they can be blamed.
They may apologize constantly and assume responsibility for the behavior of those around them.
They often feel like outsiders and have a pervasive feeling of loneliness, even when surrounded by those who love and care for them.
They project their beliefs about themselves onto others, frequently engaging in "mind-reading" and constantly feeling judged by others.
They often feel angry and judgmental towards the qualities in others that they feel ashamed of in themselves.
They often feel ugly, flawed and imperfect, and may be overly focused on make-up or clothing as a way of hiding perceived flaws in self.
They often feel controlled from the outside as well as within; normal spontaneous expression is blocked.
They often suffer from performance anxiety and procrastination and depression.
They often lie to themselves and others.
They frequently block feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like workaholism, eating disorders, shopping, substance abuse, list making or gambling.

[beast in peace]

Wow I really appreciate all the comments :)

[Hokahey]

I found this list aobut shame and some INFJ traits resonated in my mind. What do you think about this?? Do you relate to some, even to a slight degree?

Characteristics of Adults Shamed in Childhood


They are afraid of vulnerability and fear exposure of self. -Except on the internet apparently. Haha.
They may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment, and feelings of inferiority to others.
They fear intimacy and tend to avoid real commitment in relationships.
They may appear either grandiose and self-centered, or seem selfless.
They feel that "No matter what I do, it won't make a difference: I am and always will be worthless and unlovable."
They frequently feel defensive when even minor negative feedback is given. They may suffer severe humiliation if forced to look at mistakes or imperfections.
They frequently blame others before they can be blamed.
They may apologize constantly and assume responsibility for the behavior of those around them. - Assuming responsibility not so much anymore, but I do apologize constantly. Sorry.
They often feel like outsiders and have a pervasive feeling of loneliness, even when surrounded by those who love and care for them.
They project their beliefs about themselves onto others, frequently engaging in "mind-reading" and constantly feeling judged by others.
They often feel angry and judgmental towards the qualities in others that they feel ashamed of in themselves.
They often feel ugly, flawed and imperfect, and may be overly focused on make-up or clothing as a way of hiding perceived flaws in self.
They often feel controlled from the outside as well as within; normal spontaneous expression is blocked. - Not always though, when I'm comfortable, ha I can be a spontaneous riot.
They often suffer from performance anxiety and procrastination and depression.
They often lie to themselves and others.
They frequently block feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like workaholism, eating disorders, shopping, substance abuse, list making or gambling. - Not sure if I actually do those out of blocking feelings of shame though, I work 100% and as long as needed to get the job done.

I bolded what I have in common, but I honestly don't find it "shameful" it's just me.

[Daveman]

I identify with some of these, but I am too ashamed to say which ones....

[August]

In the interests of absolute and brutal honesty, I've done/have been/am these things:

They are afraid of vulnerability and fear exposure of self.
They may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment, and feelings of inferiority to others.
They may appear either grandiose and self-centered, or seem selfless.
They often feel like outsiders and have a pervasive feeling of loneliness, even when surrounded by those who love and care for them.
They project their beliefs about themselves onto others, frequently engaging in "mind-reading" and constantly feeling judged by others.
They often feel angry and judgmental towards the qualities in others that they feel ashamed of in themselves.
They often feel controlled from the outside as well as within; normal spontaneous expression is blocked.
They often suffer from performance anxiety and procrastination and depression.
They frequently block feelings of shame through compulsive behaviors like workaholism, eating disorders, shopping, substance abuse, list making or gambling.

That said, I don't think it's entirely a personality thing, but I have no doubts that people of certain personalities would be more likely to have been in a situation with a terrible childhood (myself included). A lot of these I've moved past in recent years, with lots of self-reflection and alone time. Just takes time, I guess.