[FreeBeer]

Thx everyone for the advice and kind words. The song too of course, it is freaking awesome.

I'm going to take the time I need to come to terms with my thoughts and feelings. Will continue to exercise and listen to good music, if my feelings overwhelm me I'll go to a private place, maybe take a walk or go for a ride and let them out. I'm not going to suppress them, that is probably not a good idea.



My passion are foreign languages, writing and people so going to finally learn to speak Japanese, read a few books and I volunteered. Need to finish college, get my Hungarian citizenship, and a bunch of other things.

Will go out with some friends, I owe someone a gyros lol.

It isn't so much about me making her happy, I just have to get over this so she doesn't have to worry. I want her to do what ever makes her happy and she shouldn't feel bad about things. To me that is what love relay means, holding on to someone is just being possessive and that is not love.

EDIT: Gotta love that song! Thx Illumination888! :)

[Annihilatron]

dur, yeah, one piece of advice. stop everything with her and cut off for a while until it can be just platonic. It doesn't matter how good it was ... trying go reopen it when its not ready to be platonic yet is just painful for all involved. I've been there, and honestly, I haven't talked to her since, even though it was a smooth breakup and it was as good relationship and blah blah blah. I wish I had, but I want her to be comfortable with it, not me. And if she never talks to me again, well, I threw away a friend for a chance at love. What a rip.

[FreeBeer]

dur, yeah, one piece of advice. stop everything with her and cut off for a while until it can be just platonic. It doesn't matter how good it was ... trying go reopen it when its not ready to be platonic yet is just painful for all involved. I've been there, and honestly, I haven't talked to her since, even though it was a smooth breakup and it was as good relationship and blah blah blah. I wish I had, but I want her to be comfortable with it, not me. And if she never talks to me again, well, I threw away a friend for a chance at love. What a rip.

Yeah, I'm just going to stay away until things change on my end. No talking no nothing. I did ask her not to vanish off the face of the earth thou and once I got past this I will be friends with her again. It isn't often that I find people I get a long with really well and I don't want to just cut someone like that out.

This song kinda expresses really well what I feel:



and this one too

[MemB]

Give your emotions room and let them be. It's far easier than struggling with them in the long-run.

[CptKickerCutleg]

I feel for you man, I really do, I know a couple in a similar situation to you, where she keeps leaving him, realising it was a terrible idea and going back to him, he'll always be there for her.

Let me put it this way:
It's only time, a year isn't a long time, it'll fly by, trust me.
Time is relative anyway, busy yourself, get ready for the time when you DO see her, you'll find that if you set yourself a target, you'll find you don't have ENOUGH time to sort things out.
Get money, book table at nice restaurant, take her out to dinner, buy her roses.

During all this, contact her, ask how she is, show you care, but don't give away your plans, maybe ask what food she loves, casually of course, but honestly, don't "Distance" yourself, if you care about her, truly love her, then hold on for as long as you can, don't strangle her, but don't let go of your hope and dreams.

Don't make the mistakes I have in the past.

[bogdan]

At some moment you will have to accept that you are now going on different path from her and the link with her should be redefined. The Fe function is quite consuming now, so it needs another place to hang, this is the perfect moment to be a saviour or an idealist and help your friends.

(Sometimes I feel I can connect with what an INFJ feels, yet I don't know if that's true.)

[PlushWitch]

I feel for you man, I really do, I know a couple in a similar situation to you, where she keeps leaving him, realising it was a terrible idea and going back to him, he'll always be there for her.

Let me put it this way:
It's only time, a year isn't a long time, it'll fly by, trust me.
Time is relative anyway, busy yourself, get ready for the time when you DO see her, you'll find that if you set yourself a target, you'll find you don't have ENOUGH time to sort things out.
Get money, book table at nice restaurant, take her out to dinner, buy her roses.

During all this, contact her, ask how she is, show you care, but don't give away your plans, maybe ask what food she loves, casually of course, but honestly, don't "Distance" yourself, if you care about her, truly love her, then hold on for as long as you can, don't strangle her, but don't let go of your hope and dreams.

Don't make the mistakes I have in the past.

tbh, I think this only works if she DOESN'T have a substitute and when you two are just bridging the time you won't see each other. But this doesn't seem to be the case. Don't sacrifice yourself while she is going her own way with someone else. (Sorry, repeating myself).

[FreeBeer]

tbh, I think this only works if she DOESN'T have a substitute and when you two are just bridging the time you won't see each other. But this doesn't seem to be the case. Don't sacrifice yourself while she is going her own way with someone else. (Sorry, repeating myself).

You are right. I did that once with my previous girlfriend for more then a year and it felt like hell, it got so bad I tried to cut my left wrist. Changed my mind immediately thou...thank God. Scars are still there as a reminder. I don't want to go through that ever again.
Being friends with someone you love and watching them get hurt, giving emotional counseling and practical advice, watching her kiss around with another guy in your class and not being able to get away because you have college to attend to is an emotional nightmare I don't wish on anyone.

We only got together when I decided that enough is enough and I don't care anymore, I started not going to college and ignoring her, didn't talk or call. Don't know what happened, I think she lost her emotional support (meaning me, because I talked her through the problems). She eventually (two weeks maybe) couldn't stand the other guy and wanted me.

I can tell you we were together about 3 years and I couldn't get over what happened. It just doesn't work, I was too distant, I still cared about her and love her even now...I just can't be in a relationship with her because of what happened.

So I can tell from experience that being there and being a friend while having those kinds of feelings towards another person is not only a bad idea, it is the equivalent to self torture.

I'm not going to do that with Rose. She wants another guy, someone she fell for a year ago, someone she could not have. I won't torture myself. If I do that now, I will never be able to forget it and will resent her for that.

What I will do is my own stuff. Stay away. I can't change anything. I will continue to grow as a person and once i'm over this, I will talk to her again. As a friend.

She also needs to see where the other relationship might take her, maybe it will be what she wanted this whole time. I'm not going to stand in the way of that. I love her and she needs to do what she feels like doing.

I'm feeling much better today to be honest. I still get down and there are moments...but the music helps, learning to play the guitar, Japanese, the forums here, studying, exercising and found some volunteer work with kids. Going out on the town with some friends this weekend.

I'll be okay I think. I don't intend to be in a relationship with Rose other then friendship, even that only in time.

I also know that me saying this contradicts what my feelings are telling me. I want to be with her...but I just know now that what I described above is the right way to handle things at this point in my life.

[PlushWitch]

Sounds like a plan.

Wishing you all the best with it! You will make it.