[HollyGolightly]

Every description I have read concerning the INFJ says or implies that they are able to quickly get over things and move on.
I completely disagree.
I think that we appear to be moving on but we are deeply sensitive souls and I don't think we able to just "get over" things. I don't know about any of you but I carry the hurt with me for the rest of my life and it influences future relationships and actions. I have never got over pain, I just learn to cope with it. Learning to cope isn't the same as getting over something. If you are over something you don't have any feelings about it. INFJs hold back a part of themselves and I have found this is largely down to fear of rejection which is largely down to being rejected and hurt many times in the past. So why would they do that if they can just get over things? If they were over things they wouldn't feel the need.
I think people expect the INFJ to be a rock and I have found that the majority of people cannot cope when an INFJ is in distress or needs someone else to be their rock. It's easier for others if the INFJ just "gets over it" and goes back to being a rock.
So do INFJs really get over things with ease or is it just their defense mechanism to act like they are over things.
Thoughts? Agree or Disagree?
And how do you react when you are hurt? If you know an INFJ, how do they react when they have been hurt? Is it similar to any of this?

[red riding hood]

That is a hard one to answer. I do get over things but not quickly or easily. I hurt and I grieve a lot, mostly for the lost possibility for what could have been, and the urge to try to go back and make what could have been attainable is hard to resist, but as I have gotten older I have come to understand more that I must look at possibilities and reality, and try to do what can realisticaly be done. I guess I sort of have started looking at the cost benefit analysis of things and let things go when the cost will be to great, and that helps me find my peace and closure. When I as younger and more idealistic it was much harder to get over things and let them ago.

Actually on thinking more about that I must say that writing some one totally out of my life is not and has never been really hard under certain circumstances. Someone hurts me or someone I care for, I have no qualms or regrets about just cutting them out of my life and I don’t look back or regret it. I have a long fuse but once you blow it I am done. I don’t get angry I don’t want vengeance but I guess I do get it in a way. I had a very wise grandmother and I have taken her advice on things, the best revenge is to live well and let it go. I go on with my life and focus on the good things. That is just me though, I would guess that many other people or younger people with an INFJ personality type would struggle with that more.

[BehindSmile]

Maybe you are an ISFJ? Because...I can't let things go...am extremely sensitive...and well, I hate it. It's annoying and a mess.

[HollyGolightly]

Maybe you are an ISFJ? Because...I can't let things go...am extremely sensitive...and well, I hate it. It's annoying and a mess.

You know, I have often wondered whether I was actually an ISFJ, but I'm not sure. I can move on like, but I take things to heart so much, such as when ex partners have been abusive to me. That's a hard thing to move on from for anyone, but it affects my relationships after that far too much.
I wouldn't mind being an ISFJ, I like ISFJs.
But I'm rather intuitive so I don't know...

[Bean]

As I've gotten older, I honestly just do not let that many people 'in'. I love my friends dearly and hold them very close, but I also know their limits and what they are capable of. My mother does not criticize me to hurt me, she does it because she feels that it will help me. I know when my best friend doesn't call me back, it's not because she wants to be mean or hurtful to me, she's just flaky that way. These things help me put things behind me. If I can reason it through and come to some understanding, it helps me heal myself.

If someone intentionally hurts me, I am done. But I reason it through in the same way as well. "They are not good for me. I cannot help them. It is better that we are apart." This is not to say that it hurts any less, but it keeps me from driving myself crazy.

We cannot control others. We can control ourselves.

[BehindSmile]

You know, I have often wondered whether I was actually an ISFJ, but I'm not sure. I can move on like, but I take things to heart so much, such as when ex partners have been abusive to me. That's a hard thing to move on from for anyone, but it affects my relationships after that far too much.
I wouldn't mind being an ISFJ, I like ISFJs.
But I'm rather intuitive so I don't know...

I thought I was an INFJ. Turns out I'm an ISFJ and to the T. Read descriptions and check it out. See what fits you best, what YOU feel explains you the best.

[HollyGolightly]

I thought I was an INFJ. Turns out I'm an ISFJ and to the T. Read descriptions and check it out. See what fits you best, what YOU feel explains you the best.

I have read both descriptions over and over again ever since I discovered MBTI and I can't decide.
Maybe I'm a bit of both?

[Selene]

I agree, Holly. I think that it's more often that case that a lot of things don't get me upset in the first place. But when something does, it can stick for a long time.

A week ago I was having a conversation with my current girlfriend about the circumstances surrounding my breakup with a girlfriend from 6 years ago, and it still felt so fresh and real that I started crying.

But her response was so perfect that...if it happened again, I feel like she would understand and be just as compassionate as the last time. I'm not afraid of her reactions when I feel totally dependent on her.

The fear of rejection or being completely misunderstood/invisible is pretty huge. There are a couple veins which, if you tap into them, it's like a flood. I don't really move on from things as in not feeling pain. I just become much more intimate and friendly around the pain.

And it's a tremendous help when other people who care about me are okay with me being in pain, and they don't sidestep it. They simply give lots of hugs. :)

[Ninja]

We get over it in that we analyze and understand it, not forget the event and treat everyone peachy, or act happy after the event. Other people act like they get over it and move on, but really they use reaction formation, acting like their cool, and ignore the issue... which causes the problem to persist years. You seeee

[HollyGolightly]

I agree, Holly. I think that it's more often that case that a lot of things don't get me upset in the first place. But when something does, it can stick for a long time.

A week ago I was having a conversation with my current girlfriend about the circumstances surrounding my breakup with a girlfriend from 6 years ago, and it still felt so fresh and real that I started crying.

But her response was so perfect that...if it happened again, I feel like she would understand and be just as compassionate as the last time. I'm not afraid of her reactions when I feel totally dependent on her.

The fear of rejection or being completely misunderstood/invisible is pretty huge. There are a couple veins which, if you tap into them, it's like a flood. I don't really move on from things as in not feeling pain. I just become much more intimate and friendly around the pain.

And it's a tremendous help when other people who care about me are okay with me being in pain, and they don't sidestep it. They simply give lots of hugs. :)

{Just to add, I have decided I am actually an INFJ, not an ISFJ.}
And now for what I was gonna say...
Your girlfriend seems perfect for you.
Does she have a twin brother that you could introduce me to?

But seriously that's exactly what INFJs need. We are individualistic rather than being a leader or a follower but that doesn't mean we don't need acceptance. I have found that most people cannot cope with an INFJ in pain and I think that's why they appear to just pick themselves up and move on. I think it's for the sake of others and that fear of rejection and lack of support.

You hold on the that girl of yours :)