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I was going through some old writing and I found this... and for some reason I felt like it truly conveyed how deeply INFJ's commit themselves to their choices and decisions... especially with relationships. This was years ago, and it has no feelings attached to it now... I was about 19 or 20 when I said these things, and have since then found a healthy relationship that is so much more pure and soulful... not even in the same realm of toxicity the last relationship led to. I wrote this before knowing anything about personality types, and reading back it just makes me think of something an INFJ is likely to understand or write (the dear lovely friend sounds kinda awkward now, lol.. but it sure wasn't back then). Let me know if you guys agree or disagree about the INFJness of it. I just feel like sharing it here on this forum for some reason. Anywho... here it is.
When you said forever, you meant a few months. When I said forever, I meant every day until I died. When you said always, you meant until you couldn't handle it anymore. When I said always, I meant until time ended. When I said I loved you, I meant I had never felt what I felt for you. When you say you're going to leave, it's only until you miss me and want me back. The day I say I'm gone, my love, my dear baby, I will be gone. When I say I need time, to ready myself.. to give you what you want, I will stick to my word. But when I say I'm gone, my love.. my dear love.., I will be gone.
Things lately feel as though I am horrible burden on your life. You tell me you don't know how to deal with me, what to do with me.. as if I'm some stray, beaten animal whimpering on the side of road you've been required to take care of. My lovely freind, what you imagine to be that beaten animal is probably one of the strongest, most caring and loving person you will ever find. That beaten animal is not whimpering for you to take care of him, in fact he's not whimpering at all. He's looking life dead in the eye, and seeing a potential solution. My dear lovely friend, you say how can I know something at such a young age.. that I need to be free and move on with life.. and to understand that i don't even know what love is yet. But my dear lovely friend, I do know what love is.. and age is but only a number. From your words it seems that you yourself don't know what love is, so I understand why you so readily want to move on. Just understand and remember this, I can and will move on. But after what's happen, I need you to let me do it.. so that I can trust the decision made, and so can you. I will stick to my word. I told you I love you forever, and my dearest friend, I will always love you forever. I meant it.
You think I am not capable of letting go, but I feel that you're the one who is not capable of letting go. I cannot trust your word anymore when you say goodbye, it will leave me in pieces and with plenty of insecurities because you will come back. You say you won't, you've said that before.. but you come back. I cannot take your word for it anymore, I do realize that's what you kind of want, so let me do it, and let me do it right. It's in my hands now. I'm fully capable of letting go, don't mistake me for a weak needy individual. I'm far stronger than you could possibly imagine, I just need things to be straight in my mind. Have faith. Don't flatter yourself too much thinking I am so attached to you that you can do whatever in life and get away with it. I just need things to be straight in my mind, and after all that's happen.. if we are to leave each other.. forever, it must be me who says it. I have a hard time letting go in bad times because I realize that when I finally agree to letting go, I will whole-heartedly let go. I cannot leave someone I care about on such a horrible note, and if you really wanted to leave forever, you would not want to leave on a bad note either, because in the future the bad note would haunt you.. and you would want to talk again.
I sometimes feel you don't realize how magical a relationship is, and I know i'm at fault for that. I feel that you have lost touch on the magic of life itself, that what an absolutely amazing wonder life is. To feel these emotions, sad ones, happy ones, angry ones. To live on this earth, to see beautiful sunsets, big ol rivers.. to hearing music, to dancing, singing.... to run your hand across the arm of the person you dearly love. To be able to care for each other, to help each other. To look together in the night sky in absolute wonder. To pray, to feel the warmth & love of family.. like we did during thanksgiving. To gaze into the eyes of the same person you gently touched. To hold them, feel their heart beat.
When you said forever, you meant a few months. When I said forever, I meant every day until I died. When you said always, you meant until you couldn't handle it anymore. When I said always, I meant until time ended. When I said I loved you, I meant I had never felt what I felt for you. When you say you're going to leave, it's only until you miss me and want me back. The day I say I'm gone, my love, my dear baby, I will be gone. When I say I need time, to ready myself.. to give you what you want, I will stick to my word. But when I say I'm gone, my love.. my dear love.., I will be gone.
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