[musicman]

I'm 28 and have never been in a relationship. It's actually quite rare that I meet someone that I am attracted to on a serious level, and when I do, I tend to not do or say anything about it. I think of all the things that can go wrong, worry about saying the wrong thing and making the other person uncomfortable, and come up with all sorts of complicated reasons not to approach her and then I miss out. I'm actually in this situation now, and once again have no idea what to do. It's very frustrating.

[balderdash]

I'm 28 and never really been in a relationship. I had a sort of girlfriend when I was about 15, but she lived too far away for us to see each other, and I was 15. So that doesn't really count. I have had 3 really horrible crushes though. With women who were openly interested in getting to know me better, but I always talked myself out of it and then couldn't truly break away and destroyed myself inside because I knew it was hurting them too. But even though the meat of those relationships happened inside my head, I've learned a lot from it. I don't develop crushes anymore, which I think is a victory for me, but I sometimes wonder what life would be like had I gotten over my self, so to speak, and put more into a relationship.

I don't know if it is just a INFJ Scorpio thing or not, but I have a strong sexual attraction to some women but no interest in getting to know them or having sex with them (outside of my head anyway). I thrive on sexual energy and it is a core aspect of a relationship to me, but I'm not just handing 'em out to anybody that asks. Sex has never caused me anxiety, but attaining the closeness I want in a mate mentally and spiritually scares the shit out of me I think. Sometimes I meet someone that is both sexually and otherwise attractive to me, and those are the ones I want to get to know better. Although I never get around to asking women out anymore. Maybe I'm not as over the crushing as I think, or maybe I'm just scared it will happen again. A few years ago I decided that I was OK with being single my entire life if it came to that. I think that accepting the consequences of your decisions is important. Not so that you resign yourself to them, but that you relieve all worry on the matter and allow you to move free of its constraints.

I completely agree with Thegirlcandance about good relationships drawing the best out of both parties. Some things a wise women once told me were: "If you think someone would be perfect for you if they changed a few things, then they aren't", "Be friends first", and "You have to love your self before you can love anyone else". There is nothing wrong with you not wanting or not having had a relationship of the romantic kind, as long as that is what will make you truly happy. Take your time and have faith that whatever happens will be for the best, or you will make the best of it.

[geeklady]

I would say that your mindset is not bad at all, in fact quite healthy. I think that there should be no reason to rush into anything with a man unless you really want to. It is better to wait for a man to come along that you WANT to be with. I waited to get in a relationship for a very long time while all of my friends were in relationships and tried to push me, but I tell you what, I don't regret it at all. I have found a great man and do not regret for a second that I am his completely and have never given a piece of myself to anyone else. Don't listen to anyone else who does not understand your decision, just do what makes you happy, and if that includes staying single as long as you wish, then so be it. When the right man comes along, you will know.

[nikkii]

You will find someone when it's right.

[Third Engine]

I wouldn't say that I've never been in a relationship, but most of mine either don't really count (middle school dating) or were just emotional relationships, in that we weren't really dating each other but both had a mutual attraction (or, I should say, emotional binding). I've been depressed for quite a while, so that may be why I haven't been able to have a stable relationship for quite a while. Thankfully, I'm starting to climb out of it, and I've already met someone I'm really interested in seeing.

I don't think I've ever really had a problem with girls not liking me, plenty have, but in the past I've been so unstable (and controlling) when it comes to relationships that nothing ever really worked out. Plus, my Ni would sometimes jump too far ahead and I would fall for someone I barely knew.

[the_awoken]

INFJs have it rough. We live in a culture where you are "supposed" to be dating, though most INFJs have very few relationships. Its everywhere in movies, magazines, facebook, etc. As a trait most INFJs are sensitive to criticism. I have had friends who corner me trying to find out why I am not dating anyone. Usually no one interests me, and I really feel no desire to be with someone for the sake of it. Most of the time when people ask why I'm single I get angry. Really I feel alone when I am with people seeing as howI feel content when I am by myself.

I get my cake when I hear older people talk about regretting the relationships they got themselves into. Or when movies like Eat Pray Love get famous. Usually I know within a second of meeting someone if it would ever workout and usually it won't. Our intuition saves us that wasted some. But most of us INFJs are wise beyond our years. I think.

I get the feeling a lot of the time that I am "failing" by being single because of the culture we live in and I feel horrible when I am not doing what Im "supposed" to do. However, when I really think about it I am very content when I am by myself. As Joseph Campbell says, "Follow your bliss, and it will open doors where there were only walls". I would be shooting myself in the foot if I did something out of obligation rather than enjoyment.

[Zomboy]

My problem is that I obssess. The idea of having someone close to me like that is frighteningly endearing. Unfortunately, in the rare event I do wind up seeing someone, usually it doesn't last long.

It's very rare that I actually achieve relationship status with a girl. Usually the girls I like never give me the time of day, and the only girls who like me weigh more than my roommate's car. More often than not, while I personally feel I have strong moral integrity concerning girlfriends, I feel as though Im just going to get ignored by every girl I become interested in. Or that I will become trapped with a relationship that doesn't please me, simply because I got desperate and went for whatever I could get.

I have awful luck in this field.

[Man_With_No_Name]

My first real serious relationship that lasted over 4 years didn't happen till I was 27 years old. I found out the hard way with a quick marriage then divorce that marriage is not for me. I am too independent for marriage and I can't stand anyone taking any control over my life. Marriage felt like a prison I couldn't escape from. Before that I had lots of dates and so-so relationships with women, one night stands, but nothing serious over a long term lasting more than a few months ever surfaced till I reached the age of 27. I blame this mainly on my very introverted personality and lack of social skills that extravert personalitys have so much practice perfecting. most women found my introverted reserved never smiles type personality awkward. A few women told me I scared them. One girl told me she was scared driving alone in her car with just me. I guess being extremely quiet, staring all night at my dates, and never smiling sometimes comes across as threatening to them. I have a college degree and soon a masters, but when it comes to social situations I am absolutely dumb founded.

[Mutatio NOmenis]

I'm 17 and can't find a girlfriend. It's an absolute pain.

[winata]

i have never dated my whole life either. it would be nice to find someone to connect with on all physical, emotional and psychological levels but i know how rare it can be. perhaps i am being overly romantic but i do not wish to compromise on my ideals. i don't mind waiting because i believe that when you do meet someone special it's going to be amazing.