[MeAgain]

Thanks for the personal example!

That's what I've been trying to do. When he asks me how I feel about him I try to give very specific answers, I like __________ about you. I have to push myself to say what I really feel, even if it makes me feel vulnerable, and be careful not to say I feel more than I do because he would see right through that (even though its tempting to do so to make him feel better).



The more time that passes the less insecure he seems and the easier we can talk about our feelings. And the "feelings talk" usually only happens after we've already talked about everything else for hours. I feel like we are on the right track I'm just looking for some reassurance.

[MeAgain]

Oooh... one more post and they might start posting my pictures!

[starrynightvm]

yes! You don't want to embellish with any *N*J type because I suspect we can see right through illusory behavior and charms. It sounds like you guys are on the road to something. I'm very happy for you, I hope things work out :)

[Jwing24]

I think I agree with others that while the intense feelings and some fantasizing is common the way that the person decides to act or not act on those things will vary person to person. For myself, I have had this happen to me before, but usually that makes me go slower, as I am afraid of either messing it up or that there really is nothing there.

I think it's probably a bit of personality and a bit of personal experiences up to that point, for that person.

[Decoy24601]

We INFJ's have our doubts about relationships and weather or not people like them, but he is going a little too far.

If I were you I would have had to restrain myself from slapping him. (Warning, has redhead temper and can turn into an INTJ who doesn't give a care if provoked)

[Female INFJ]

MeAgain,

he sounds like someone who has been hurt. he seems unstable. searching for 'the one' often causes discomfort if another person is given that title too soon. it could be that you are 'the one' but how he is going about sharing that information with you doesn't seem too romantic. he may have a self-esteem issue. it seems like he is in a rush to get married.

i don't know about typical INFJ behavior, but it seems like in this situation you have to set the pace of this budding relationship. don't let him turn up the pressure on you. you seem like a pretty cool gal, who's already got an idea about that already. i don't think you can mess anything up, it seems like you are on a pedestal already. i feel what you have to do now is keep grounded in reality, and show him that it will take time for you both to get to know each other, and you will not be rushed into anything. see how it goes.

clear communication is key, as his head is in the sky, he may put his spin on what you say. Which may be highly inaccurate, like your example of him considering you not rushing to be with him as an indication that you don't want to be closer with him. communicate perhaps that you like him, and are flattered completely that he feels so deeply for you, but you would like to be given the time to get to know him, so that you can get caught up, and feel what he feels too, when the time is right for you.

Also observe his behavior once he moves, he may find another 'the one', i don't want to see you get your heart broken. whimsical persons can jump from person to person, depending on external stimulii. I am not saying this applies to all INFJ, and I will be happy to elaborate, but generally, I am not impressed with overly emotional men. Just proceed with caution. but you seem pretty stable and experienced in love from what i'm reading, you likely don't need me to give any advice. Seems like you'd be good for him; Is he good for you? This seems to be the question. Keep us posted on what is happening!!!

Regarding the Door Slam - I won't say 95% of how I feel about this, it is so ignorant, and hurtful to people...well besides all of that. If he door slams you, then just walk. His loss. But honestly, he will likely not door slam you, he seems bent on being more self depreciating in his comments, and he seems hooked on you, so no, not likely a door slam in this case. But who knows,,, anything could happen.

But I feel probability of a 'door slam' here is low, least of your worries. I'm more worried about him moving so rapidly to be around you, and calling you 'the one' so soon. And some of his downer comments. Done romantically, then certainly, if you two connect, enjoy every moment of a whirlwind romance...but again, I suggest not being be pressured emotionally at all. It's your life, and you deserve the best, or at least tell yourself so (:

[Surreal Snake]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Praying manTis of LusT



i puT the manTis in your ear
she will talk to you
tell you abouT the forresT
her LoVes
maybe anoTher Time
she is eaTing her LoVe

[MeAgain]

MeAgain,

he sounds like someone who has been hurt. he seems unstable. searching for 'the one' often causes discomfort if another person is given that title too soon. it could be that you are 'the one' but how he is going about sharing that information with you doesn't seem too romantic. he may have a self-esteem issue. it seems like he is in a rush to get married.

i don't know about typical INFJ behavior, but it seems like in this situation you have to set the pace of this budding relationship. don't let him turn up the pressure on you. you seem like a pretty cool gal, who's already got an idea about that already. i don't think you can mess anything up, it seems like you are on a pedestal already. i feel what you have to do now is keep grounded in reality, and show him that it will take time for you both to get to know each other, and you will not be rushed into anything. see how it goes.

clear communication is key, as his head is in the sky, he may put his spin on what you say. Which may be highly inaccurate, like your example of him considering you not rushing to be with him as an indication that you don't want to be closer with him. communicate perhaps that you like him, and are flattered completely that he feels so deeply for you, but you would like to be given the time to get to know him, so that you can get caught up, and feel what he feels too, when the time is right for you.

Also observe his behavior once he moves, he may find another 'the one', i don't want to see you get your heart broken. whimsical persons can jump from person to person, depending on external stimulii. I am not saying this applies to all INFJ, and I will be happy to elaborate, but generally, I am not impressed with overly emotional men. Just proceed with caution. but you seem pretty stable and experienced in love from what i'm reading, you likely don't need me to give any advice. Seems like you'd be good for him; Is he good for you? This seems to be the question. Keep us posted on what is happening!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Female INFJ! You put a lot of thought into your words and you've helped me so much! As you said, none of this is new to me but the reassurance that I'm on the right track is so comforting and helpful. I have felt from the beginning that I would have to be the one to set the pace for the relationship and that he has me on a pedestal so I've been trying to just keep things real and playful and in the moment. He is so much fun and we really have a great time together so when he starts thinking about past hurts or future plans with me I immediately try to bring him back to the present where we are having so much fun. He seems to know this about himself and likes being brought back to the present. A little piece of information that I left out is that because I sensed that he was in a rush to get married I overcompensated by telling him I wanted to be "just friends" for awhile first. I know saying that makes any guy crazy, lol, but I had just got out of my marraige and sensed that he was in a hurry to get married so I was moving extra slow. Well, yesterday, after 3 months of being "just friends" I agreed to be his girlfriend! I haven't gone on much about all the wonderful things about him but let's just say he wouldn't be in my life if he weren't awesome. So, the reassurance that I probably won't mess this up is a relief. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing for as long as possible, keep him in the moment enjoying getting to know each other. I'm also not giving him any encouragement to move just yet, although a long distance relationship is torture. I'd like to see our relationship be a little more solid before he moves here. He is on his way now to spend the weekend with me and I'm so excited! Thanks again for all the advice and keep it coming if you have more...if you had more to say about INFJ jumping from person to person I'd like to hear it.

[MeAgain]

I felt like I needed to say that him spending the weekend does not mean I'm sleeping with him. I know that INFJ's tend to move on after they've slept with someone because the reality is never as good as their fantasy. And I personally won't go all the way unless I'm married. I just thought I should add that.

[Female INFJ]

MeAgain,

i don't want to discourage you at all. INFJ males seem to be the 'holy grail' of partners, some NFs have been saying! but i too am swimming in this. how much emotion is too much? what is the balance? is accepting the downside of an emotional man worth it, because the type of intimacy and connection an NF woman needs likely can be fulfilled completely by this type of man, in contrast? so many questions. my words are not meant to discourage, just caution, and be a point of reflection.

Guard your heart, because some people (INFJs) may be capable of breaking into interior walls beyond barriers, and you may become quite close to them before realizing it, and they may be ready to move on. an INFJs intuition is quite keen, especially a male's. if this is the case, I am happy he feels you are 'the one' yet at the same time not wanting you to experience any sorrows or disappointments. so in time, we will see, i wish you the best always (:

i am happy you are approaching your weekend cautiously. clearly as an ENFP, your physical connection may not disappoint (duh, I read the notorious ENFP sex thread, tee hee), i wouldn't worry about that. do what is right for you. meeting up is a big step. it is nice to hear that you get along so well so far. an INFJ male (from what the nice ones say) will desire many qualities in a woman, not just physical. perhaps his push to commit to you, is part of him compensating in the mean time (as you are slowing down your adventure), he wants to feel you desire him too, and is a tad impatient. but no need to rush yourself in response. he likely 'knows' you like him a lot, and wants to see it expressed.

most INFJs do desire a deep connection with their partner, he will not wreck your weekend or throw away what you have on a whim. being cautious about your first time together physically is good, because you may have to get to know him more, since it seems you want to build a relationship. i'm sure you have the ability to cheer him up, his heart seems tender. seems like you two will have a weekend of fun and romance! enjoy (: