[SarahWilliams]

So... Does it annoy you when people complain about stupid things?

I usually have a lot of empathy for the real problems in life - losing loved ones, getting a divorce, needing surgery, etc. However, I find when people complain about things that aren't *really* problems, that I don't care and get increasingly angry if they continue to be dramatic about it.

An example:
Friend X is newly engaged to a wonderful man. Friend X's fiancee must go out of town on a business trip for three days. Friend X is angry, sad, and complains to everyone she sees. This in spite of the fact that her life is completely great, she is engaged and really has a life that everyone else admires.

Is it simply human nature to complain? Even if your life in the eyes of others is great?

Does it annoy you when people complain about stupid things? Or are you skilled at being empathetic even in situations where you may not agree with the complainer?

[starri]

I know people who complain to *deflect the evil eye*. They don't want their happiness or whatever to be envied. But I never really got it, they spread this negativity..

[thegirlcandance]

So... Does it annoying you when people complain about stupid things?

I usually have a lot of empathy for the real problems in life - losing loved ones, getting a divorce, needing surgery, etc. However, I find when people complain about things that aren't *really* problems, that I don't care and get increasingly angry if they continue to be dramatic about it.

An example:
Friend X is newly engaged to a wonderful man. Friend X's fiancee must go out of town on a business trip for three days. Friend X is angry, sad, and complains to everyone she sees. This in spite of the fact that her life is completely great, she is engaged and really has a life that everyone else admires.

Is it simply human nature to complain? Even if your life in the eyes of others is great?

Does it annoy you when people complain about stupid things? Or are you skilled at being empathetic even in situations where you may not agree with the complainer?

Definitely....

Examples:
With my ISFJ mother...... my dad just remodeled the kitchen and within a month after it being completed she now complains about wanting another room remodeled or to get a new house.
One that happened today -- she's taking a computer class and she was complaining about how her teacher is giving the class the option to retake the last exam again. Not only do I find it ridiculous because of how often she would get on my case and my brother's case during school for how many years but simply the fact that retaking it is not going to hurt her grade and its just a way to help improve.


With certain types I think it is more natural to complain because they don't naturally look to different perspectives and look ahead to the future outcomes. However, that is not saying that N types never do because everyone has bad days.

[kateykinz]

Yes, it does. But instead of getting annoyed about it myself, I tend to just laugh at them for making such a big deal of things when it isn't necessary. Which sometimes doesn't go down too well, but whatever. Most people know how chilled I am and how I don't sweat the small stuff, so it's not as if I'm being hypocritical.

I have an ESFJ colleague that complains so much. I give it a listen but if it starts to repeat I just tell her that I don't want to hear about it anymore - she should either do something about it or stop complaining. If she continues to harp on about it and it is a work matter then I end up complaining on her behalf, secretly, to whoever is in a position to do something about it just so I don't have to hear her moaning about it anymore.

Another colleague gets all in a tizz about petty little things. I just ignore it and stay out of her way until the storm is over, as usually the issue she is complaining about isn't really what she is complaining about, it's just a manifestation of the stress she has in some other part of her life that she doesn't want to talk about.

My mum tends to moan about stuff to me as well, but I take it on because usually it is family stuff that she can't really talk about to anyone else...my Dad isn't very patient with listening to that kind of thing. Other than that I'm lucky that the people who surround me aren't the complaining types on the whole.

[ertertwert]

Is it simply human nature to complain?

This.


10char

[kateykinz]

I was just about to ask you what the hell 10char means, but as I was typing it dawned on me

If it is human nature to complain, then we are all wasting our gift of being human imho.

[ertertwert]

Hahaha - you learn something new every day.

[thegirlcandance]

Yes, it does. But instead of getting annoyed about it myself, I tend to just laugh at them for making such a big deal of things when it isn't necessary. Which sometimes doesn't go down too well, but whatever. Most people know how chilled I am and how I don't sweat the small stuff, so it's not as if I'm being hypocritical.

I have an ESFJ colleague that complains so much. I give it a listen but if it starts to repeat I just tell her that I don't want to hear about it anymore - she should either do something about it or stop complaining. If she continues to harp on about it and it is a work matter then I end up complaining on her behalf, secretly, to whoever is in a position to do something about it just so I don't have to hear her moaning about it anymore.

Another colleague gets all in a tizz about petty little things. I just ignore it and stay out of her way until the storm is over, as usually the issue she is complaining about isn't really what she is complaining about, it's just a manifestation of the stress she has in some other part of her life that she doesn't want to talk about.

My mum tends to moan about stuff to me as well, but I take it on because usually it is family stuff that she can't really talk about to anyone else...my Dad isn't very patient with listening to that kind of thing. Other than that I'm lucky that the people who surround me aren't the complaining types on the whole.

I've experienced this with ESFJs as well. My response has always been "if you don't like it, then do something about it" but that concept would never seem to sink in. The other thing with them I've noticed is that they will often think someone is mad at them when there are truly not. Common issue when you put a bunch of Fe people together.

[CyberSheep]

Does it annoy you when people complain about stupid things? Or are you skilled at being empathetic even in situations where you may not agree with the complainer?

If someone is complaining about really small and stupid things, I don't want to be empathetic; it can actually be counterproductive for that person's growth and ability to handle the bigger issues.

Sometimes people are not complaining because they have real problems, but just because it can be a very effective tool for getting some attention from others. Sorry if I sound grumpy, but I've seen how some people can use small stuff complaining and constant whining for manipulative causes...

[vel]

With my ISFJ mother...... my dad just remodeled the kitchen and within a month after it being completed she now complains about wanting another room remodeled or to get a new house.

Wow that sounds so familiar My ISFJ mom also always wants to do some improvements to the house. Then when work is completed she complains it is not good enough and wants it redone. In past years she has always wanted to buy a new house. I guess this is inferior Ne is workings. My dad's Te blocked her attempts at it, so now she has switched her Ne to wanting to travel. Instead of planning more house improvements she is constantly planning trips for the family now, which goes down way better for all the Se and Ne in the rest of the family.

I must say I don't deal too well with people complaining. I remember at some informal group meeting a few people from work complained about something and it went on for several meetings until it just got under my skin so then I told them that they should do something about it. I think their types were ISFJ, ENTP, and ISTP. Of these three guys only the ISTP took my advice and actually took actions to correct the situation, which bumped up my respect for him afterwards. So I dunno, may be it has something to do with Se that I want people to do something rather than be discussing all the possible options or complaining about it ad infinitum.