[INFJ] Enfp relationship .. help!

Enfp relationship .. help!

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This is a discussion on Enfp relationship .. help! within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Been a lurker for awhile ... first post... I know this has been discussed several times. The dynamics between an ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Enfp relationship .. help!

    Been a lurker for awhile ... first post... I know this has been discussed several times. The dynamics between an INFJ and ENFP but I couldn't really find the answer I was looking for.

    Hmmm in a hurry this morning so going to make this short.

    I've been with an ENFP for about two months now. It's the first relationship I've had with one. It's been the most intense also. That's putting it gently.

    He's done a disappearing act on me twice now and he tells me not to take it personally. From what I've read this is part of his personality. I haven't been able to make contact with him for two days now. I'm not sure how to deal with this. I've been sending him sweet texts here and there and just random thoughts. I guess I feel this at least lets him know I'm thinking of him. I wonder though if I should just leave him be. To be honest I don't even know if I can do that.

    I know he's going through stuff and needs to sort it out in his head. I know he does this by seclusion. That doesn't mean I understand it or know how to deal with it. My nature is to try and fix it. Help him. I feel like I can't do anything and I think that's what is bothering me the most.

    It's going to be different for each individual I know. I still would really like some advice on how to help him or how to "be there for him". If an ENFP could tell me what it is that they personally need when they go into their bubbles, or an INFJ tell me how they've dealt with a similar circumstance it would help a lot.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I used to be with this ENFJ and she'd do the same thing.

    She came back of her own accord mostly... at the very least whenever I sent her a message saying I missed her, it didn't make her come back any sooner... in fact it might have caused even further delay

    (I dunno... maybe it was awkward, maybe she lost respect for me when I did it). My suggestion... go out and have fun by yourself, hang out with people, go to fun things.

    The more I demonstrated my independence with my ENFJ (And correspondingly less dependence), the more she seemed to be drawn to me, maybe you're in a similar position.

    Or maybe not.
    HorribleAesthete and Defiantgroundhog thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INFP - The Idealists

    If he wants space, you should probably just give him some space.

    I know I'm not an ENFP, but I hate it when I'm really upset and other people try to fix my problems right away. When I am really not doing well, I am extremely private about my emotions, and I have to sort them out somehow. It's too draining for me to open up to someone when I'm already so strung out.

    You might try talking to him about it when he comes back around, maybe.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I possess a similar trait as your ENFP, but often lack the will to overcome my aversion to conflict to allow me to assert my needs. Thus I often need this withdrawal, but cannot bring myself to express it, and so deny myself out of a preference for harmony and a fear of opening up.

    I have also dated an ENFJ. She was fiercely independent, and like Btmangan's ENFJ would definitely lose respect for someone who pursued her too much. She did her own thing, and asked no one's permission. At the same time, she hid nothing and never made excuses. She was the ultimate free spirit, and I admire that.

    I am not sure if ENFPs are like this. I do know that you should not try to help him. He does not need help. And it is definitely not personal.I think the only thing you can realistically do, as difficult as it may be, is to let him do his thing. You cannot change him. The main thing to consider is how you feel about it, and whether it is something that you are comfortable with.
    Btmangan and Defiantgroundhog thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFP - The Idealists

    Regardless of personality type, the sad reality is, is that the saying is true, "If he/she isn't always calling you... He/she is not that into you."

    When someone likes you, they will reach out to you. They will talk to you. They will want to spend time with you and enjoy the time spent together with you. They don't ignore you, or pull "disappearing acts", or make excuses to not meet up with you. I know that sometimes, people get busy, or people get down and out and want to be left alone... But if this is a continuous thing, I would rethink things between the two of you and ask if he's worth all the pain and trouble right now.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors


    erm... so how about like ... doing your own thing for 2 days?

    i think you are smothering him a bit too much

    Quote Originally Posted by under skies View Post
    I know I'm not an ENFP, but I hate it when I'm really upset and other people try to fix my problems right away. When I am really not doing well, I am extremely private about my emotions, and I have to sort them out somehow. It's too draining for me to open up to someone when I'm already so strung out.
    this is what i posted about in ENFP forums a few days ago is how would ENFPs like others to respond to their venting and complaining about negative emotions
    they actually DO NOT want people trying to use cold-hearted rational reasoning to solve their problems but sympathy resonates with them very well

    they respond best to expressions of Te, something we INFJs lack, basically reminding them what would be logical thing to do by outside consensus of logical things - we INFJs only have Ti and they don't respond to Ti so well (tested irl)
    HorribleAesthete thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by ForsakenMe View Post
    Regardless of personality type, the sad reality is, is that the saying is true, "If he/she isn't always calling you... He/she is not that into you."

    When someone likes you, they will reach out to you. They will talk to you. They will want to spend time with you and enjoy the time spent together with you. They don't ignore you, or pull "disappearing acts", or make excuses to not meet up with you. I know that sometimes, people get busy, or people get down and out and want to be left alone... But if this is a continuous thing, I would rethink things between the two of you and ask if he's worth all the pain and trouble right now.
    I agree with this post. If he don't like you, move on. You can't fix his problem because he needs to go through the valley of the shadow by himself to find himself. I had that happen to me before, though the scenario is different from yours. A romantic relationship won't fix the problem, and he's probably not looking for one and he needs to figure his dilemma out for himself. Hands off the situation.

    Why chase after someone that's fickle?
    Blue Heart thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ENFJ - The Givers

    I have a ENFP friend (sorry Lila if you see this, kidding:P)

    It seems when she has a lot on her mind in a situation she will leave and go do something, doesn't want any help. kinda like running away from problems temporary? when I want to fix the situation It doesn't always happen because as much as They seem whimsical they are mature enough to fix their problems in their own way like we INFJ's do.

    When your ENFP comes back talk to them about this problem and how it make's you feel.

  9. #9
    Unknown Personality

    Why don't you trust him ?

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I experienced something like that with my ENFP.
    . . . and texting him a lot when he was not responding to me. . . didn't do any good.

    ENFP's like independence. They like being able to do things that they want to do without having someone to telling them to do otherwise like. . . giving up what they are doing to talk to a person who reaaaaally wants to talk to them.

    anyway. . I suggest just waiting this absence of his out.
    I'm guessing you text him several times a day?

    If you do. . . try not texting him for one or two days.

    . . . see how he responds to that. .

    sorry if my suggestions don't help you. I'm trying to figure out how to . . work things out with my ENFP right now as well. Seems space and keeping the conversations full of positive feelings helps a little
    Defiantgroundhog thanked this post.


 
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