[Seraphina]

I recently entered the dating scene. Divorce was final almost a year ago, so I guess that's long enough. I'm somewhat bashful around people I don't know. I can meet new people and talk to them in a group setting, but when they want to go out on a one-on-one DATE - I panic. And kissing a man who isn't already my friend?? You've got to be kidding!! Is the rule that he gets to kiss the girl on the first date? Fine - he gets a cheek! A soft, sweetly fragranced cheek, but none the less, a cheek. Perhaps it's because I have yet to meet one who causes a tingle.... I'm health conscious, so someone who is obviously not health conscious is not in the running.

I have arranged to meet interested men in group settings, which was OK with all the other people to interact with and act as buffers. I have gone out on one lunch date. It was long enough. Phone calls? I thought if we talked on the phone a couple of times first, it would ease matters for me. You know how INFJs feel about phone calls: a 45 min phone call is WAY TOO LONG, but it seems the norm for the men who have called me. I think I'll start giving out my email address instead. I'm really good with email.



I'd quit, but then I'd never get laid. I'd really like to get laid. Please help me. I'm open to suggestions. And just so you know, I'm 50 yrs old. As far as I'm aware, I don't know any other INFJs. Most of my friends are extroverted, so they don't have this issue.

[HorribleAesthete]

Getting laid is great. I am a big, big fan. Getting to the point where you feel comfortable enough with someone to engage in this behavior, there's the rub. It has definitely been long enough. You owe yourself pleasure and happiness, and companionship. Also, I do not think it is a hard rule that the fellow gets a kiss (cheek or otherwise).

Finding someone who ignites that spark and meets the other criteria (friend, confidant, etc) is difficult. I am much better with email as well, at least in the initial stages. I despise talking on the phone for any reason.

Have you considered E-Harmony? It matches people according to interests, and allows you to filter the results. And best of all, it is all through text, allowing you the freedom to express yourself and to simultaneously take the measure of potential matches. Of course it does have the downside of not being able to actually meet the person face to face before engaging in conversation, so you would have to get to the point where you feel comfortable with the person, and then see if the physical chemistry was there by way of a first date. On the plus side, you could keep it as light and casual as you wish at first, then see how things progress. You would be under no pressure.

Not sure if this helps.

[vel]

Well, my grandmother met her second husband online when she was 62 and he was closing in on 70. So those dating websites sure do work lol. She was single a very long time after her divorce and decided to give it another round.

Other options would include just attending some community events. If you live in or near some metropolitan area you will possibly find some events here Meetup.com or you can also google Craigslist and check out community section of it.