it was only about a year ago that i found out i was an infj and it was the happiest thing i have ever discovered. I always thought i was an odd seed feeling things two dimensionally( subjective and objective) then being amused by this perspective while feeling immense pain from the cruelty people inflict upon each other in my surroundings.
just recently, i thought of suicide one to many times and am afraid. the world seem so bleak and though i know for a fact the world is brimming with hope, it feels as if god made me unfit to live in this world. i was on a holiday and as i admired the beauty that is the world, my heart tore, because despite my deep appreciation for everything, i feel that there is nothing more my existence could contribute.like i could vanish and it'll be okay, life will go on. it's not the mordbid sort of suicide but more of a stamp of my resignation. my boyfriend and bestfriend has let me down and consciously manipulate me. it killed me because i trust so little people and i had so much faith in him. he is truly a good person but he takes me so much for granted that i cannot comprehend how if you cared for someone you will put them through so much pain.
my parents are getting a divorce and it is so hard to have the heart of my security falling apart.i can comprehend both of my parents pain and feel it immensely. at the same time, i understand the nature of their divorce and that helps me accept its inevitability. i love everything and everyone, truly in a deep way, but it suddenly feels as if i will never be loved the way i love.
yesterday, my dad had a heart attack and almost died. all of a sudden, my depression went out the window and all i want to do is live to the fullest to make him proud.
i know this is long rambling but just an introductory scenario. i desperately want to better myself. i believe many of you are older than i am and would possibly have greater experiences and advice. so how does an infj cope with life's disillusionments and pain? i usually go into my world, but some ppl think im crazy, and some think i am socially malnourished. there are the people who appreciate my depth but i cannot ignore the criticism.
would appreciate advice from you wise infjs. :)