[leeo]

it was only about a year ago that i found out i was an infj and it was the happiest thing i have ever discovered. I always thought i was an odd seed feeling things two dimensionally( subjective and objective) then being amused by this perspective while feeling immense pain from the cruelty people inflict upon each other in my surroundings.



just recently, i thought of suicide one to many times and am afraid. the world seem so bleak and though i know for a fact the world is brimming with hope, it feels as if god made me unfit to live in this world. i was on a holiday and as i admired the beauty that is the world, my heart tore, because despite my deep appreciation for everything, i feel that there is nothing more my existence could contribute.like i could vanish and it'll be okay, life will go on. it's not the mordbid sort of suicide but more of a stamp of my resignation. my boyfriend and bestfriend has let me down and consciously manipulate me. it killed me because i trust so little people and i had so much faith in him. he is truly a good person but he takes me so much for granted that i cannot comprehend how if you cared for someone you will put them through so much pain.

my parents are getting a divorce and it is so hard to have the heart of my security falling apart.i can comprehend both of my parents pain and feel it immensely. at the same time, i understand the nature of their divorce and that helps me accept its inevitability. i love everything and everyone, truly in a deep way, but it suddenly feels as if i will never be loved the way i love.

yesterday, my dad had a heart attack and almost died. all of a sudden, my depression went out the window and all i want to do is live to the fullest to make him proud.

i know this is long rambling but just an introductory scenario. i desperately want to better myself. i believe many of you are older than i am and would possibly have greater experiences and advice. so how does an infj cope with life's disillusionments and pain? i usually go into my world, but some ppl think im crazy, and some think i am socially malnourished. there are the people who appreciate my depth but i cannot ignore the criticism.

would appreciate advice from you wise infjs. :)

[entropy]

I am sorry to hear about the tough times you have been experiencing lately. Sometimes you get bad things happening in bursts.

Suicide is tough and I have thought about it quite a bit throughout my lifetime although never attempted it. I haven't really thought about it much lately, but it peaks in (just barely) for split seconds sometimes when thing start going to hell.

I wish I could tell you it would be all better soon but I don't know. What I do gather though is you're young, which is good. It means you have plenty of time for things to turn around.

I don't know what to tell you about the boyfriend. If it's hard on you, maybe you shouldn't be with him.

It seems as if one of the hardest things INFJ's need to do is learn to live for themselves. I think that's probably what you need to get better at, although I'm not one to talk since I am a complete failure in that respect. Give me someone to love who will love me back and I'm happy. It's not healthy, how we live - but someone's got to do it. At least it makes me feel better to think that way.

The best advice I can give you is to start taking better care of yourself before worrying about other people. It's really difficult, but it's the best thing you can do for everyone in your life, most important - for yourself. If you're as young as I'm guessing, you've got a long time before you need to worry about having someone love you back.

I'm an old geezer, at least I feel like it. I'm just 23. My life has not gone according to plan at all. Nobody outside of a relative has ever said they loved me and meant it. It kills me. I'm so giving. I would gladly give someone my all if they loved me and showed it, but nobody ever has and sometimes I wonder if anyone ever will. But you know what? As much as I hate not having that feeling, it's their loss. It really is.

Just live for yourself until someone realizes how incredible you are. And hey, worst case is nobody ever does and at least you've got your own life still. :P.

You've got a long time before you need to worry about things like that.

[krnjason]

In my experience, all horrible/painful life experiences are in itself a learning experience.

I know with any painful experience comes with an indefinite amount of grieving, moping/thinking over, but the way i deal with them is "what can i learn from this experience and how can i make myself and others around me better?" in terms of living life to the fullest.

We all have our moments of weakness from whatever might be the cause but one just has to see past the initial "atmosphere" of the situation and seek the insights that we can use and learn from.

I hope everything works out for you. :)

[quigglehope13]

So I am proabably about your age and I have had similar experiences.
For the boyfriend thing, it is hard to decide on what to do and if the decisions about it are the right ones. I am getting over a painfull breakup right now so i am sorry if i sound biased or something to the sort. We were going along and we were happy but I started noticing that he took advantage of my willingness to be together to much and then we just stopped talking. but What i am saying is that make the best deciosion you see fit but dont get caught up in what he says look at his body language and see if he really means it.
The parents thing my parents split up a while ago(about 4 years) So this will all work out on the end. sure you will miss them being together but you still get to see them(hopefully) an equal amount of time and you will find that it is better being with them when there is no tension and arguing going on So hopefully it will get better.
My mom had a heart attack and if she did not get treatmen she would die more quickly than she will. yes that is tough. Just remember that he survived and he will get better. and bassically that whatever you do will make your parents proud(at least that is what mass media tells us)
The feeling that you have already contributed to the world is not right because you still have your whole life ahead. just think about what you can do for it when you get olderand that should keep you going(that is what kept me going) Even if it is some off the wall thing that might not be resonable you think will make a difference.

Anyway what i am saying is it will get better. it may not seem like it now but it will, you have the rest of your life so these bumps in the road will only make you stronger(this is sort of corny i am sorry if it did not help you)

*this was written at night so sorry for the rambling

[Runescribe]

despite my deep appreciation for everything, i feel that there is nothing more my existence could contribute.like i could vanish and it'll be okay, life will go on. it's not the mordbid sort of suicide but more of a stamp of my resignation.

I understand your feelings, but this idea must be avoided. When we are frustrated with the world, with our efforts in the world, we can become discouraged. It is difficult, but useful in such cases to focus on the contributing elements of this frustration and not upon your sense of self-worth. What you need right now is not self-esteem but self-compassion.

What does Self-Compassion mean?

Imagine that you were in a little better position and encountered someone who was faced with the challenges that you are. How would you relate to them? I hope you would relate to them with compassion. Not with sympathy, but rather empathy and understanding. You would relate to them as a member of this family we call humanity - you would want to help them. And you'd want to do this in the manner that confirmed their dignity.

Now; realize that you are that person at this time. You won't always be, but for the moment you are. Treat yourself with compassion. Have the same empathy for yourself that you would feel for another person in this position. That isn't self-pity. When you are able to have compassion for yourself, you will be able to extend it so much more effectively to others.

As a human being you have a Matchless Value - the contribution of a soul that no other person can exceed and that only you can contribute. Please don't deny the rest of us that gift you bring to the world. You are valuable. So have compassion for yourself as you would for others.

God loves you and gave you a soul and a heart. You can know this because it's hurting a little bit right now. It will get better.

[waterviolet]

Sorry to hear about your situation and having so many cloudy thoughts. I think we all feel a little struggle now and then, we wonder what our purpose is and find darkness in the current state of the world. My best advice to you is to create your own world to live in. Clearly we can't control the time and circumstance of society as a whole but we can control (to a point) the quality of life we lead. Don't live by what society tells you is the definition of a successful life. Don't struggle to keep up with everyone else because they may be caught up in conforming to what society wants them to be. You already said that realizing you are an INFJ was the "happiest thing I have ever discovered". That is a great step! You are starting to find who you are...YOU...not what your parents want you to be or what society says you should be! Be thankful for your unique qualities, expand them, find things that amuse you and allow you to feel as if you want to dig deeper to understand. I didn't realize a lot of things until my early to mid-30's! At this point in my life, I can honestly say I have found happiness and contentment with myself and how I view the world. I live in my own little "bubble" - a world in which I define what makes my life successful!

As far as what I've read about your boyfriend & best friend, please keep reading. Once you learn and accept you don't NEED other people to define a "full life" a million doors will open for you. The key is to not be NEEDY of them to complete your life. You need to know and rely on yourself for happiness before you can introduce and appreciate enriching your life with people you care about. Of course there are things we all want out of life, a significant other and a best friend being among them. Once you are no longer NEEDY of others, those things (people) will come to you, you will attract the type of person you truly desire to have in your life. Read up on the Laws of Attraction (no not physics!)
Manifestation | Law of Atraction, Laws Of Attraction

I know the Laws of Attraction might seem a little corny...but...think about it! Someone asks you how your day is...you say, "Ehhh, I've had better, my back hurts." How will the other person react to you? If your reply is, "My day is wonderful! How are you?" What kind of energy will they respond back to you with? The point is, act as if you have what you need, be thankfull for what you have and allow the doors to open. By emitting a certain outlook on life people will reflect that same positivity back to you. In this case, alike attracts alike! Before you know it, you'll have lots of positive people in your life. You will still have a down day every so often but by being surrounded with other happy people life will still feel wonderful!

I wrote a blog about testing this theory on my son...he rolled his eyes at me. Try smiling at someone for no particular reason, I bet you they will smile back, even if they don't know why you are smiling. I wish you the best!

[nikkii]

Pain is there to by more aware. You either hide or face it.
We live for human connection <--- that's the whole damn reason we want to live.

Honestly, It sounds like your craving hope. It's there. No one can really help you achieve it. You have to find it yourself.

I hope this helped.

[kateykinz]

I hope that your Dad recovers well.

It sounds like you have been suffering from a heavy dose of general existential depression / angst, topped up with everyday depression due to certain life events that you have been going through. I won't touch on the everyday depression as that is natural considering what you have gone through recently and should ease with time and reflection and subsequent life events that will wipe out the current life events and make them a mere bad memory that hopefully you do not dwell upon.

Existential depression - I have been suffering with bouts of this all my life from the age of about 10, but only recently found out that it was an actual named condition. I knew I didn't suffer depression in the normal sense of the word, but I often go through these dark moods where I ruminate on the fact that my existance is meaningless, that the existance of the entire planet is meaningless, everything is completely pointless and yet I feel compelled to go around and be the best possible human being that I can despite no one else seeming to be as pure in spirit as I feel I am. It feels terribly lonely sometimes, even when you are amongst those who love you the most. I have never entertained the thought of suicide though, I don't see the point in it unless you are in real physical or psychological pain and there is absolutely no way that you can ever be cured of it. I'd rather have fun, turn evil and become a completely different person than kill myself and deprive myself of this one fleeting life I do have.

The thing with existential depression is that it can quite easily be turned into existential joy, just by reframing you point of view. The fact that our little lives are meaningless, and our little planet with all of its history and future is just a blip in the history and future of the entire cosmos makes it so amazing that we are even alive, and then that we have come into existance in a human form that can actually analyze, appreciate and celebrate it. So that would be my recommendation to you...when you feel down, try to flip your frame of reference inside out. You will see how absurd our lives are but also how absurd our problems and our pains are when you put them in the context of all that was, is and ever will be. Life is temporary. It is very likely you have never lived before, and very likely you will never live again so just concentrate on enjoying the only certainty that there is - that you are alive and have been given an amazing opportunity to explore the world that you have been born into. You don't even have to do anything, you can just sit and open your eyes and appreciate all that is manifest.

A good way of stilling the mind a bit is to really concentrate on developing your extroverted sensing to balance out your introverted intuition. Just make a concerted effort to notice everything around you AND NOT ANALYZE IT - there is so much going on that we shouldn't really have time to think about any of it, but we intuitives filter most of it out so that we can concentrate on the deeper issues that we are interested in, the motives behind the action, the purpose behind the object. That's all well and good, usually, but sometimes we really need to give ourselves a break from all our mind talk. I recommend you have a read of Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now from time to time when you are feeling overwhelmed and are having trouble giving yourself a break from all the thoughts.

SENG: Articles & Resources - Existential depression in gifted individuals

[Zomboy]

I'm an old geezer, at least I feel like it. I'm just 23. My life has not gone according to plan at all. Nobody outside of a relative has ever said they loved me and meant it. It kills me. I'm so giving. I would gladly give someone my all if they loved me and showed it, but nobody ever has and sometimes I wonder if anyone ever will. But you know what? As much as I hate not having that feeling, it's their loss. It really is.

I am also 23, and I identify 100%

Thank you for this! :)

[leeo]

thanks for all the replies.

i find the information about existential depression very true because when my perception is tweaked a little, i feel so blessed. i've also realised that spiritual faith has the potential to make me feel so much at peace and it gives me will to better myself not for anyone.

life is hard but today, i feel blessed with my strange personality that grants me the ability to exert an ever so slight but significant influence on the people around me. the things about us infjs is that after we do what's good, we tend so much to forget about our contribution only to move on to how better we could do things and this does sometimes cause disatisfaction. but today, as i relish the smiles that people give when they feel thoroughly understood by my intuition, i thank god that i am who i am to be there for them.