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Advantages, disadvantages for Marrying Late.

[INFJ] 
8K views 17 replies 11 participants last post by  thegirlcandance 
#1 ·
Lately I've been giving some thought to marriage and settling down. I realized that I'd be content with remaining unattached and I don't view marriage as a requirement for me to be content in life. At the same time, I haven't completely ruled out marriage. If I do get married, I would prefer to marry later rather than sooner, to the person I would remain with for the rest of my life. I'm thinking late twenties or even thirties.

That said, I wanted to hear various viewpoints from others before crystallizing my thoughts on this. What are the advantages and disadvantages of marrying later? I want to hear your thoughts!

Advantages
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Disadvantages
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#3 ·
Advantages for marrying "later" relatively speaking

-You are probably more financially stable, which is a must for a stable marriage
-You're more biologically mature (at your peak, which is about at 30 for most women) to have children
-You're more realistic and mature when it comes to expectations and relations, ofcourse it also depends on your experience
-Commitment and long-term seeking couples marry at that time I reckon, mostly
-Psychological and emotional stability have matured (in your thirties)
-You can concentrate in having better grades in your studies, which is a plus...
-You can profit from being single (Yes, being single can be a blessing sometimes, especially to INFJs) thus have more experience in life.
-You can discern what you really want in life.

Disadvantages:
-The longing you may have until so. If you get in a relationship before your late twenties or thirties, your partner may get impatient :)bored:)

No real disadvantages really. It's always better to marry a little bit too late than too soon.
 
#16 ·
I like these advantages, as far as disadvantages I would say:

Possible less time to enjoy grandkids/great-grandkids, again "possible" not an absolute.
Maybe a 50 year anniversary could become a stretch. Though that's hardly anything, I mean if you stay married till death do you part then number matters not because it's infinite anyways.
 
#4 ·
I pretty much agree with SolidSnake. Even on the one disadvantage that comes to mind, haha.

One other huge advantage i didn't see mentioned: Marrying later gives you more room to get to know the person you're marrying. It's not a perfect correlation, of course (you might meet at age 30.0 and get married at 30.1) but IMO a fairly long friendship with someone is the best basis for marriage. So waiting a bit would be a necessary but not sufficient condition to let that sort of relationship grow.
 
#8 ·
One other huge advantage i didn't see mentioned: Marrying later gives you more room to get to know the person you're marrying. It's not a perfect correlation, of course (you might meet at age 30.0 and get married at 30.1) but IMO a fairly long friendship with someone is the best basis for marriage. So waiting a bit would be a necessary but not sufficient condition to let that sort of relationship grow.
True. Friendship is the best ground for ANY lasting marriage. Just make sure you don't end up in the deadly 'friend zone' :laughing:
 
#7 ·
In my home country you'd be considered desperate at that age. A woman past 25 is 'spoiled goods'. Everybody tries to marry up while they are still in college or shortly after. It is really crazy, but then a lot of places don't even want to hire you past your 40s either.

To answer the OP, if you don't want to have children then it doesn't really matter. If you do then you want to do so before you turn 35 because after fertility falls quite a bit and chances of miscarriages and genetic diseases rise substantially. Relationships do take at least a couple of years to develop and not all of them end in marriage.
 
#12 ·
I hear you, man. My boyfriend is a very young 39, never been married. And he is 100% fine with that - he's always said that he would rather hold out for someone great to spend his life with rather than get married because everyone thinks he's gay. :laughing:

As for me, I've got the same attitude he does. I am in NO rush...even if I have already started sprouting silvery hair and I can't handle dairy products anymore (sadly, this is true). If I do get married, I'll just make it a point not to have any cheese on the menu at the wedding. PROBLEM SOLVED.
 
#11 ·
:unsure: Argh! 28 is desperate?! I have six years! Better get serious...
 
#14 ·
As long as you're not planning to get married in Wisconsin, you'll be fine.
I'd go for the beer and brats alone, but having horrible gas on your wedding night probably isn't the greatest idea...

Nothing says "I will love you the rest of my life" like an open window and a bottle of Gas-X.
 
#15 ·

I'm an INFJ and I feel like I've always been searching for that compatible person. I never thought about what I wanted in a wife though until maybe mid/late high school.

Advantages:
.Have a better idea of what you want.
.More time to find that person that you want.
.Increased odds of meeting someone compatible.
.Increased likelyhood that you'll find someone at the same maturity level as you, or they'll be more serious than say a younger 20's.
.You are more likely to be in your career path, and so will he.
.You will most likely be more financially stable for marriage at a later age.
.Couples who marry later tend to have a lower divorce rate.

Disadvantages:
.All the good guys might be taken by that time because the women that were looking for them got married sooner and snagged them.
.The options to travel with the spouse diminishes as you get older(because of career and family) so you can't be as mobile.
.If you are too invested in your work at that point, it could interfere with finding a partner.
.The longer you wait(if you want children), the higher risk of a disability.
 
#17 · (Edited)
As you're okay being single, but are potentially open to getting married at some point, it's not something I would worry about if I were you, unless I saw distinct disadvantages to not getting married.

When you said 'later', I thought you meant in your fifties or sixties!

I suppose the advantages and disadvantages of getting married and at what age depend heavily on what marriage means to you. You also only seem to make the distinction between remaining unattached and being married, although it's possible now to share your life with a (live-in) partner without getting married in many parts of the world.

Getting married by your mid-thirties, or thereabouts, is only an issue if you are planning on having children within marriage.

To me, marriage is a legal contract that affords you legal next-of-kin status, which can be useful in emergencies and situations where you have to decide for your partner. Which is why marriage, to me, isn't something that it makes much sense to contemplate in the absence of a partner with whom I want to spent the rest of my life and only with an appropriate age in mind. It's not an end in itself but a means to an end, i.e. making sure you have mutual rights and obligations that protect both of you.

What matters is that you are sure you are planning on staying with the person you are marrying. I would consider the age immaterial if you are an adult and know yourself and your partner well enough. And the chances of that being the case are probably somewhat higher when you're a bit older, though marrying early doesn't always have to be a mistake.
 
#18 ·
Advantages:
~ You are (hopefully) more mature and wise to be able to handle the obstacles of marriage
~ You can explore and achieve your dreams without having to feel limited by having to make choices based on the other person to have in your life.
~ Your chances of having a mid-life crisis and feelings of stagnation in life have now drastically decreased.
~ You are also (hopefully) more prepared and mature to deal with children.
~ You can travel anywhere and do anything whenever you want while you are still young and can enjoy it.
~ I can become more secure financially from an independent standpoint. So I mean, work and save money without having to worry so much about getting all new stuff for your apartment or rental house. So then you have more money saved up for when you actually have a wedding and have kids.
~ You don't have to deal with the stress of starting your career, starting your marriage, and paying back loans all at the same time.

Disadvantages:
~ Biological clock -- which includes both decreased fertility after 30 and then more critically at 35 and then dealing with sex drive in 20s without, well, anyone to be committed to.
~ The occasional emotions of just wanting someone to cuddle with and talk to intimately... which, I honestly haven't gotten in a long time probably because I feel okay without it and have faith it will come someday but still.
~ Dealing with my ISFJ mother (and other SJ friends) that will be down my back saying how marriage and kids is a societal expectation and should happen. (**Which I guess this one technically doesn't really count because its just an annoyance that I can ignore and avoid but still).
 
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