[Sunshine Shan]

Hi There!

I am an INFJ. I am also a Teacher. I just started a new job and I have been having some difficulties with another employee who was made my mentor/trainer by our boss.

My new job is teaching Montessori. Which is a whole different kind of teaching. I did a distance learning course but did not have hands on training. My boss hired me but requested that I train with another teacher. I trained with her for 2 weeks and it was nightmarish.

She was a horrible person to work with. " No you don't do it like that!" "How many times must I show you?" "Did you not listen to what I told you the first time?"

I went from my normal happy-go-lucky self to feeling like the stupidest person alive. She brought me down so low I actually cried and would need to walk away. I am not a crier so for me to cry was extreme.



This job went from dream job to nightmare job. I have been on the job for 4 weeks now and I dread going to work everyday. They have paired us in the same class for a few months. I don't know if I can handle it for that long. I tried to talk to the boss about it but she thinks it is the best decision for the class.

I of course seeked advice from my husband who is an ENTJ and all I got was work hard and ignore her. Dont let her get to me and just continue to work work work.

Any advice on dealing with a controlling, dictating, over confident person who has some chip on her shoulder and thinks they are always right and you should worship the ground they walk on?

Thanks Much!

Sunshine

[MoonLight]

Oh wow, it is very hard to deal with such people You seem to be stuck with that person though I agree you shouldn’t let her get to you not because what she is doing is right by you but that is how she functions. I had to deal with very authoritarian people in my life so I would call them on it. Say "what is the use of training if you are going to talk to me like that?" or "maybe you didn't show it to me right?" or just raise one eyebrow and stare her down.

But if you are not a confrontational person this might not for you. I found out you need to stand up against people like that.

Sometimes they don't realize they are doing it, did you tell her this bothers you and it is better if you work together in another way?

[Sunshine Shan]

Yes, I tried to talk with her about how we can better work together. I tried to help her to understand how I learn or how I see things and she told me to stop complaining and just get it done.

There is no working with her. So, I actually had a negative reaction to how she was treating me. I decided I was going to go along with everything she said and tell her she was right. She reacted very well to that and was happy.

However, now that we are working in the same classroom together she treats me like the assistant where the class is actually mine. She will move to another class after the summer. Since she was named my mentor. She reports to the boss on my progress or such and it effects my relationship with my boss. It effects how my boss see's me and how she deals with me.

I am unsure how to broach this issue.

I am a big believer in being yourself and being honest. Never be fake and never do something you dont feel right doing.

So, having to not be myself and have to set my reactions that best suits her isn't at all what is best for me. It makes me feel unloyal to myself and my beliefs.

[CuritadeRana]

Hi There!

I am an INFJ. I am also a Teacher. I just started a new job and I have been having some difficulties with another employee who was made my mentor/trainer by our boss.

My new job is teaching Montessori. Which is a whole different kind of teaching. I did a distance learning course but did not have hands on training. My boss hired me but requested that I train with another teacher. I trained with her for 2 weeks and it was nightmarish.

She was a horrible person to work with. " No you don't do it like that!" "How many times must I show you?" "Did you not listen to what I told you the first time?"

I went from my normal happy-go-lucky self to feeling like the stupidest person alive. She brought me down so low I actually cried and would need to walk away. I am not a crier so for me to cry was extreme.

This job went from dream job to nightmare job. I have been on the job for 4 weeks now and I dread going to work everyday. They have paired us in the same class for a few months. I don't know if I can handle it for that long. I tried to talk to the boss about it but she thinks it is the best decision for the class.

I of course seeked advice from my husband who is an ENTJ and all I got was work hard and ignore her. Dont let her get to me and just continue to work work work.

Any advice on dealing with a controlling, dictating, over confident person who has some chip on her shoulder and thinks they are always right and you should worship the ground they walk on?

Thanks Much!

Sunshine

And she is a teacher/trainer for Montessori? Sounds like an oxymoron to me I've had better teachers in public school

[vel]

Hehe sounds like you are dealing with an ESTJ

They are notorious for being insensitive, pushy, obnoxious, critical, and disrespecting people for anything that they see as a weakness. They very much like directness and aggressive "get-in-done" attitude in others. Us INFJs as well as INFPs can develop big problems trying to get along with them because our personality styles are so different.

Don't get too discouraged by it. If she is indeed ESTJ she is not trying to destroy your self-esteem intentionally. It is just their way of making you do as she says. And she really believes in her head that what she says is correct way to do it. So she is just trying to teach you the way she thinks is best. Don't take her criticisms close to heart.

You can just go along with whatever she says until the class is turned over to you. In such a situation I would just try to mimic the ESTJ best I can to trick her into believing that she can now fully turn it over to me. Then I'd teach the way I want it really. In this case the end goal for me would justify the means. I would also approach her and very directly tell her that the way she is running the class is not letting me learn anything, because she completely takes it over. And so the whole exercise becomes moot. Be polite but direct about it. ESTJs like direct aggressive approach so when she sees you hesitate or be too gentle or caring she will of course attempt to take over.

[Sunshine Shan]

And she is a teacher/trainer for Montessori? Sounds like an oxymoron to me I've had better teachers in public school

I thought the same thing too! After going home from the "training" I told myself that if Montessori is indeed as she says it is, it isn't for me.

[Sunshine Shan]

Hehe sounds like you are dealing with an ESTJ

They are notorious for being insensitive, pushy, obnoxious, critical, and disrespecting people for anything that they see as a weakness. They very much like directness and aggressive "get-in-done" attitude in others. Us INFJs as well as INFPs can develop big problems trying to get along with them because our personality styles are so different.

Don't get too discouraged by it. If she is indeed ESTJ she is not trying to destroy your self-esteem intentionally. It is just their way of making you do as she says. And she really believes in her head that what she says is correct way to do it. So she is just trying to teach you the way she thinks is best. Don't take her criticisms close to heart.

You can just go along with whatever she says until the class is turned over to you. In such a situation I would just try to mimic the ESTJ best I can to trick her into believing that she can now fully turn it over to me. Then I'd teach the way I want it really. In this case the end goal for me would justify the means. I would also approach her and very directly tell her that the way she is running the class is not letting me learn anything, because she completely takes it over. And so the whole exercise becomes moot. Be polite but direct about it. ESTJs like direct aggressive approach so when she sees you hesitate or be too gentle or caring she will of course attempt to take over.

I am not sure what she is. I would love to find out LOL! All I know is that she is overbearing and causing me so much stress.

At the moment its 3:51am and i cant sleep. I just can't get her out of my head.

That is what i did with her. Mimic what she wanted and played a role. But i hate personality adapting.... I just want to be myself!

[MoonLight]

Hmmm I see you can:

1) You can continue with what you are doing until she moves into another class and then you can do things your way.

2) Be direct and polite as vel said

3) Do what you are comfortable with but don't raise red flags for her to criticize you on. I used to do this with some difficult profs I had in university.

[Sunshine Shan]

Hmmm I see you can:

1) You can continue with what you are doing until she moves into another class and then you can do things your way.

2) Be direct and polite as vel said

3) Do what you are comfortable with but don't raise red flags for her to criticize you on. I used to do this with some difficult profs I had in university.

1- She wont be out of my class til July 19th which is a month of her.
2- Ive been direct and she told me to stop complaining
3-I know i would end up raising red flags and probably quit after the conversation i had with her.

My ENTJ husband often refers to his past experience with such ppl and suggests to get through it and get to the end. He and I view things very differently. Our relationship is good. We have 3 kids. But, i dont just get through something if it effects my values.

I wish there was a perfect option for this.

[MoonLight]

Ah you said it there is no perfect option for this but the good thing is this woman will leave in end and you will have a class for yourself. I know life really sucks sometimes and this kind of stress is depleting but I found if I focus my energy on the positive future it helps me control the stress.

So how about making plans for what you are going to do with the class after she is gone. What would you like to do?