[INFJ] Does anyone else feel like they are socially awkward??

Does anyone else feel like they are socially awkward??

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This is a discussion on Does anyone else feel like they are socially awkward?? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Hello all, just a quick summary. I'm away from all of my close friends and family, and I do extremely ...

  1. #1
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Does anyone else feel like they are socially awkward??

    Hello all, just a quick summary. I'm away from all of my close friends and family, and I do extremely well with keeping up with them. However, I'm trying to build a new circle while I'm away from them. anyway, any time I try to you know hang out, be one of the guys, or whatever, I just feel really out of place. So I've been spending most of my time alone and with no female prospects in sight, I'm kinda going insane.. any advice?
    pajamiez, treeghost and Kloloft thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Ok, I'm a female with a similar dilema. I always feel out of place. More so when I "think" about it or internalize the situation while I'm in it. The only way I feel somewhat normal is if I hang around people I don't care to impress. What I've found is that things take time and we need to focus just on being ourselves. Screw what everybody else thinks...because in the end it's not about impressing someone with a great "act" but impressing them by simply being yourself. I need to stay out of the other person's head as well as out of my own. I need to just "be" me!

    Example: I went to a bar with a couple friends, did not dress up, did not attempt to make eye contact or be flirtatious. I was being stubborn that day and oh so tired of the dating run-around. I stuck to my guns and by the end of the 2 hour outing I had given my phone number to 1 guy and had conversations with 2 others (they came up to me!).

    Nothing came of any of it except for the fact that I came out of the experience valuing who I am. I'm proud of who I am. I'm valuable, funny, attractive and when someone someday "gets" me...it will be all the more worth it! We need to be secure in who we are before we can expect other's to value or appreciate it as well.
    blackandindie, MoonLight and treeghost thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Socially awkward is my middle name, although it depends on the composition of the group. If I'm the most extraverted in the group I'm in trouble lol

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I've tried similarly to try and get into a new circle of friends, by talking to new people and sort of going inwards from there, but it never really panned out much. I can't exactly say, but there probably needs to be some sort of event that happens that makes you really feel connected to them, or just a decision they make that you like.

    I don't think I've ever made a friend by plain walking up to them; usually the people i enjoy talking to during class that sit next to me are just acquaintances. If you ever get the chance to talk one on one with any of them it would probably help with them specifically, but i really don't know how i would try and immerse myself in an entire group at once
    blackandindie thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I consider myself awkward in social situations. I'm shocked when I do make a friend in real-life (I have made two real-life friends since the fourth grade), since I'm so quiet and it takes months for me to not feel anxious | extremely sensitive around them. At times I pick out people online or in real-life that I want to be friends with and it eventually happens in the way I wanted it to. I can tell a lot about them and I seem to try to do whatever to cause harmony when I talk to them (typically I agree a lot with people I choose any ways), silently of course. x:

    Maybe you should try building a one-on-one friendship, I value those the best. In group conversations, I don't talk at all.
    Last edited by pajamiez; 05-18-2010 at 09:43 PM.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I've just been in the same situation. Actually the exact same situation.
    The only thing I need, is time;
    I've been living far away from most of my friends and family for 9 months now, and first NOW I begin to get a social circle..

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I often try to stay out of social events as much as possible these days.. I always feel like I'm put on the spot and I can't deal with all the social rules and then thinking of what I'm going to say, it's all too much at once.
    I've gone as far as not having my dinner till everybody has left the house.. sometimes waiting till 11 pm to eat.
    The best places for me are where my mind is occupied.. such as the classroom or any place where the focus is on work or something else. I think we are good at or rather it's our default to read between the lines.. see hidden messages under body language, wording, etc. Sometimes I don't like to ask questions directly to other people because it comes off like an interrogation / interview... so people-watching works a lot for me.
    pajamiez thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Linus View Post
    I often try to stay out of social events as much as possible these days.. I always feel like I'm put on the spot and I can't deal with all the social rules and then thinking of what I'm going to say, it's all too much at once.
    I've gone as far as not having my dinner till everybody has left the house.. sometimes waiting till 11 pm to eat.
    The best places for me are where my mind is occupied.. such as the classroom or any place where the focus is on work or something else. I think we are good at or rather it's our default to read between the lines.. see hidden messages under body language, wording, etc. Sometimes I don't like to ask questions directly to other people because it comes off like an interrogation / interview... so people-watching works a lot for me.

    That's how I feel about it!

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Linus View Post
    I often try to stay out of social events as much as possible these days.. I always feel like I'm put on the spot and I can't deal with all the social rules and then thinking of what I'm going to say, it's all too much at once.
    I tried for a time to go to these events with friends so i could feel more connected to them and likewise for them, but it didn't really work out.. most of the time i would just sit there and watch them talk, and the one time i was pretty social i did something weird and alienated myself.

    Didn't end up helping at all, although i did get to spend some 1 on 1 time with one of them after everyone else that did get me at least another person to talk to.

  10. #10
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I do feel socially awkward a lot, but I wonder if it's more a perception that we're socially awkward rather than that actually being true, because if we truly were socially awkward, then we wouldn't know it or feel that way. Many of the people that I consider to be socially awkward seem to be painfully oblivious that they are, but it could be the case that we just acknowledge it. I have a feeling its more perception than reality.

    Either way, whenever I feel like I'm being socially awkward or just going through the motions for being social, I just try to remain true to who I am rather than just trying to be polite. Mainly, I remind myself of who I really am, and not let other people's opinions change how I feel about myself.
    silverlined thanked this post.


 
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