[Parttime muse]

Hey guys,

There has been something extremely odd here lately for me and I was wondering if I am the only one who has dealt with this same issue. After falling in love and having crushes that failed to love me back, I have become more neutral when it comes to romance. I feel like I've been hurt only a few times that it is really just time to just worry about my own problems and my career. I find that rather selfish and it has eaten away at me for not caring for other people, friends, family, and strangers, around me as I should. I feel as if I have become more self-absorbed and thoughtless of others. This has really gotten to me to the point I feel distant and disconnected from others that I wish I knew what more to talk about to them without feeling so self-concious, feeling safe to be myself, or fudging up my words. I am nit picky as most people my type would be about certain relationships. I personally spend so much time, 8 to 10 hours a day alone, with the exception of my dogs, while I go to school. I'm scared of being alone in the future with no one around because I try to put up fences and walls around myself to not get hurt, but I want to feel I can trust whoever he may be and still feel financially secure with friends, family, or future spouse (which seems so distant from me.)

I guess what I'm saying is I have been so self-preserving myself for so long and the stress at school and me graduating has gotten to me so badly that I gotten to the point of not caring enough and perhaps out of guilt I am trying to redeem myself for others. I'm wondering if that is a bad thing.

[MoonLight]

Yeah I do that it is like I dissociated myself from others and just focused on what I think are my priorities. At college I did that all the way through without realizing anything that was outside academics. Other things were unimportant or didn’t even relate to me. When I look back at it I don’t know how I did it even if I was emotionally there for a friend I would help them but it was like something practiced on the outside, how I am supposed to behave but on the inside I was shut off. Maybe we are pushing aside Fe to achieve our goals? I don’t know I'm still trying to evaluate that part of my life.

[ronnie]

I certainly understand what you're talking about. Getting into a long-term relationship with someone is scary, and especially so for an infj. It will always be kind of rocky at the start. Just do your best to find someone that is respectful of your sensitivity. I found that having kids was a huge stretch to getting 'past myself' in that now I had someone that I loved that actually meant more than me. Does that make sense?

[Linus]

If you are hurting anyone, then it would be good to be careful and be more aware of how others perceive you or like me, minimize contact (or cut off). For connecting, I think you should not force it or try... You can come off as a fake or fishy. What I found for myself is noticing when I felt my best at having conversations. Usually it was about work or something we were doing in class. So I stuck with that... If I felt in the mood to talk, I would. If not, I wouldn't. You don't need to take the fences down, it is wise to have them --there are so many kinds of people out there. You can just take the longer route, spend more time observing the people around you before making friends etc... It's well worth it. And it really helps to learn how to be happy on your own. I don't think you'd want to be around any random person for the sake of not being alone, and I don't think the other person would like that either.

[ShadowPlay]

I've recently come out the other side of what you've been going through. I had this mentality on and off for about the last three years. Don't let the guilt get to you, so long as you've got some perspective on the situation; which I know can be hard, considering most of this mentality is caused by lack of perspective.

Just go along with it. (but try not to hurt those that matter) There are a few heartbreaking lesson yet to be learnt but they need to happen for you to learn.

You're just 'balancing out'.
Think about it, us INFJ's feel more and have more effecting us then most. We can get to a point where we need to learn to be selfish, and because it doesn't come naturally it's an awkward, self-righteous yet guilt-ridden, isolating time. You need this time so just bear with it.
Let it live itself out, you won't be like this forever.
At the end of the day you'll be more balanced, self-aware and have greater insight into how others function.

[Parttime muse]

Thanks you guys for the sweet comment. I find the J-part of me sneaking up at times when I worry about the future and then I look back at the past where I Perceive at not being good enough for anyone, and become OCD, or paranoid, about some things. Worrying about relationships or am I good enough: stuff like that. School has been especially stressful at the moment and somehow...it's finally over for the time being. Just finished finals this morning. Thank God!

I love a good INFJ moment with you guys as well as INFPs. I can fly over to this forum and find the most sympathetic sweet hearts! Especially the men.