There has been something extremely odd here lately for me and I was wondering if I am the only one who has dealt with this same issue. After falling in love and having crushes that failed to love me back, I have become more neutral when it comes to romance. I feel like I've been hurt only a few times that it is really just time to just worry about my own problems and my career. I find that rather selfish and it has eaten away at me for not caring for other people, friends, family, and strangers, around me as I should. I feel as if I have become more self-absorbed and thoughtless of others. This has really gotten to me to the point I feel distant and disconnected from others that I wish I knew what more to talk about to them without feeling so self-concious, feeling safe to be myself, or fudging up my words. I am nit picky as most people my type would be about certain relationships. I personally spend so much time, 8 to 10 hours a day alone, with the exception of my dogs, while I go to school. I'm scared of being alone in the future with no one around because I try to put up fences and walls around myself to not get hurt, but I want to feel I can trust whoever he may be and still feel financially secure with friends, family, or future spouse (which seems so distant from me.)
I guess what I'm saying is I have been so self-preserving myself for so long and the stress at school and me graduating has gotten to me so badly that I gotten to the point of not caring enough and perhaps out of guilt I am trying to redeem myself for others. I'm wondering if that is a bad thing.