Hello everyone. First post on here and unfortunately isn't a positive one. It will be kind of long.
Here's a little about me and my situation. I'm a 23 year old male. I am generally extremely selfless and I love trying to make other people I care about happy. I don't really date much because I'm very picky and won't be with someone unless we have chemistry. My life's not amazing right now. Can't find a job in this economy and I've been battling some unknown health issues for quite a while.
I do most of my socializing on the computer despite me not being a typical computer looking person. Most people consider me very attractive and wonder why I even spend so much time on here.
Anyways. Recently something very bad happened and I can't stop thinking about it. I really just don't know what to do.
I used to play World of Warcraft (account expires tomorrow) but I quit due to what happened.
I met this girl on there. When we first started talking I had no expectations. We just clicked immediately and it's so rare that I meet someone and that happens. We ended up spending a lot of time together in game and talking outside of it as well. She'd initiate conversations. She'd text me and call me to wake me up and just do a lot of things that really made me happy. I ended up developing feelings for her. She's really pretty and we just meshed together so well. Unfortunately I found out she is engaged and I was crushed at that time, but she said she thought I knew (apparently facebook doesn't always show your relationship status) and she apologized if she lead me on etc.
I was hurt but she was special to me so I decided I would just try and stay her best friend (not easy since I cared about her as a girlfriend) and things really were going well. It wasn't always easy on me because I always wanted to be her #1. I'd do almost anything to make her happy and I was often doing things for her that she found unbelievable and didn't even think were possible. A day didn't go by where we didn't talk or do something together. One day she sends me a message telling me she has sad news and she is quitting WoW because it's really hurting her grades. I knew it was true. She was pretty addicted to it. I was very sad but she promised we'd do tons of things outside of WoW still and made me promise her we'd be best friends. I of course agreed and we stayed just as close as we had been, until last Wednesday. I messaged her and she was acting very strange. She randomly tells me a story of her dating history and seemed like she was trying to ward me away. She ended up saying she didn't think we should be friends anymore. I didn't want to do that but she had made her mind up. At the time she denied it was because she had feelings for me but I knew she was unhappy in her engagement and had feelings for me. I was in shock though so I pretty much just went along. I got to thinking later in the day about how I didn't want it to end, especially like that. I messaged her and tried to get her talking again. All she did was indirectly admit she had feelings for me and didn't want to ruin her relationship with her Fiance.
I sent her another message telling her I'd be there for her. I tried to kind of point her in the direction that if she needs to break off contact with me to keep her relationship - she probably shouldn't be in it. Then I apologized for being so forward, told her I cared about her and didn't want her out of my life but it was pretty much her decision and I'd be here if she changed her mind. No response.
I gave her about 4 days to respond, nothing. By that point I felt terrible because I know she's lying to herself and I want to "save" her but I know there is nothing I can do. She's lying to herself about her relationship. It's not a good situation for her and I don't think I need to explain why. Just trust me - it'd be hard for her to get out of her current relationship. I sent her one last message trying to open her eyes and I don't anticipate she will respond to it. It's not something I would normally do but I really don't want her to be unhappy, and I know that's where her current path will take her. I feel twice as bad because 1. She's probably out of my life for good (maybe not, but most likely) and 2. She is in a relationship which will lead to her being unhappy. She knows it but she won't admit it to herself.
So, here I sit having not talked to her in a week. I'm quite depressed. I miss her a lot but I can't make her decisions for her. I am done trying to contact her. It won't do me any good to talk to her unless she can convince herself of the truth. I feel bad because I know I've done all I can and it still wasn't good enough. It's also ironic that me being so awesome seems to be the reason she broke off our friendship. Makes it much worse.
Any tips or insight would be appreciated. Right now I don't expect anything from her. I hope for the best but expect the worst. The only things I can hope for is she just wakes up or her Fiance screws up. Not sure exactly when I'll be able to "move on" as I feel pretty betrayed right now.