Infj + entp

[Rouge]

Originally Posted by WildWinds

Do you think he would stand up for himself with me if the need arose? I really don't know..He's good about telling me if I've said something that's upset him, sometimes he doesn't have to and I can tell.

I don't know if your INFJ is anything like me. But I usually process my emotions before I tell people they've upset me- that is, if I even tell them at all. A lot of the times, I try to brush it off (and this leads to a build up and eruption of resentment later on). But when I can't, I tell the other person in the most tactful way possible so he'd listen. But because I'm often very mild mannered when I say this, people don't think I'm really upset a lot of the times. They don't know that I've already gone through this a great deal inside my head first. When they ignore or laugh off whatever I tell them, that's when the relationship often starts to break down.

My suggestions:

1. Make it a habit to ask your INFJ regularly what he's feeling. Tell him it doesn't have to be anything important, it's just your way of connecting to him. This might prove to be an easier way for him to blurt out any unhappiness without overthinking it first.

2. Pay attention to every complaint he has, no matter how nicely he says it.

3. Tell him that you could be tactless sometimes and you need him to tell you whenever you've accidentally put-your-foot-in-your-mouth and hurt him. He'd be less afraid of hurting you if you ask him to do this.

4. Don't act defensively or argue your way out of any of his complaints. This will stop him from telling you anything in the future. Try to understand his perspective and see how you can both work together to resolve your issues.

[WildWinds]

Thanks for the tips.

I just asked him what he was feeling, he didn't ask why I was asking, and I got an immediate, resounding "happy!" ^_^ Which is great cuz when he's happy, I'm happy. I'll make it a point to ask him more often.

That other thread was pretty helpful too. I guess either I'm way mature for my age for an ENTP or I have a more developed F, I don't know. But I'm definitely not so fickle when it comes to relationships. I totally understand it and I have the ability to move on like that and logic my way out of a relationship, but I just can't fathom why I would want to do such a thing. It would hurt him deeply, and I care about him far too do that. I have plenty of friends, but he definitely has a special place in my heart, and I'm emotionally attached to him in a way that I've never been attached to somebody before.

[Miss Jeanette]

I am an INFJ and remember thinking after knowing my ENTP for just a short while that he was everything that I'd ever want in a husband. Very uncharacteristically, I mustered up the courage to share the line you refer to about the INFJ "saving the soul" of the ENTP. This took him aback , but later he said he often thought about that. I love that he appreciates my INFJ-edness and I so admire the way his mind works. It took us a long time to find each other (2 previous marriages for each) and feel we are each other's reward later in life. I thank God everyday for bringing him into my life. We love our life together almost a decade now.

[WildWinds]

Thanks for sharing your story, its encouraging to hear ((hug))

It sounds very much like the way we are with each other. When we're together, its just pure joy.

[Rouge]

Originally Posted by WildWinds

Thanks for the tips.

I just asked him what he was feeling, he didn't ask why I was asking, and I got an immediate, resounding "happy!" ^_^ Which is great cuz when he's happy, I'm happy. I'll make it a point to ask him more often.

That other thread was pretty helpful too. I guess either I'm way mature for my age for an ENTP or I have a more developed F, I don't know. But I'm definitely not so fickle when it comes to relationships. I totally understand it and I have the ability to move on like that and logic my way out of a relationship, but I just can't fathom why I would want to do such a thing. It would hurt him deeply, and I care about him far too do that. I have plenty of friends, but he definitely has a special place in my heart, and I'm emotionally attached to him in a way that I've never been attached to somebody before.

I'm glad things are good between you and your INFJ, WildWinds. All the best in your relationship!

[Btmangan]

Originally Posted by Rouge

I'm glad things are good between you and your INFJ, WildWinds. All the best in your relationship!

Yes... and for someone to ask "how you feeling" and not get the response of "Good" is simply a miracle in this day and age.

Leave it to the INFJ's to actually respond with a meaningful statement!

And for that statement to be an expression of happiness... you really make this INFJ happy, Wild ;)

Good luck... and... enjoy being adored! :D Just remember to appreciate your INFJ for it!

[Apollo Celestio]

Oh, the connection of Ni and Ne. :P

[Brainteaser]

I know I'm immature when it comes to relationships, but that's only cause I haven't even had the chance to experience a real one. The longest relationship I've been in was one month, that was four years ago, and she was cheating on her boyfriend with me before we got together. I'll never find love...

[Rouge]

ENTP in relationships

ENTP Relationships

ENTP Strengths

• Enthusiastic, upbeat, and popular
• Can be very charming
• Excellent communication skills
• Extremely interested in self-improvement and growth in their relationships
• Laid-back and flexible, usually easy to get along with
• Big idea-people, always working on a grand scheme or idea
• Usually good at making money, although not so good at managing it
• Take their commitments and relationships very seriously
• Able to move on with their lives after leaving a relationship

ENTP Weaknesses

• Always excited by anything new, they may change partners frequently
• Tendency to not follow through on their plans and ideas
• Their love of debate may cause them to provoke arguments
• Big risk-takers and big spenders, not usually good at managing money
• Although they take their commitments seriously, they tend to abandon their relationships which no longer offer opportunity for growth

ENTPs as Lovers


ENTP's goals for their intimate relationships are similar to their other personal goals: improvement and growth. They constantly ask themselves questions such as: How can the relationship be improved? Where is the relationship headed? Am I growing in the relationship? They are likely to enthusiastically embrace new ideas and projects for themselves and their mates which they feel will propel them along their goal for growth and knowledge discovery. The ENTP's general enthusiasiam and good intentions are usually quite positive and healthful in a relationship.

A problem area for ENTP's is their tendency to not follow through on their schemes. This can be frustrating to their mates. It may also create a "boy who called wolf" syndrome in their relationships, with their partner never believing that the ENTP will actually do what they say they'll do.
Another potential problem area is the ENTP's general tendency towards "wildness" and willingness to take risks. They may lead the family into uncomfortable financial situations, which can be quite stressful on intimate relationships.

Sexually, the ENTP is enthusiastic and interested in positive, constant growth for both partners. They're likely to be very attentive, involved, and questioning. They enjoy spontaneity rather than fixed schedules, and fully embrace new ideas and adventures. They're likely to approach intimacy as more of a physical act which conveys affection, rather than as an opportunity to explicitly express affection.

In general, ENTP's childlike enthusiasm and genuine interest in the health and direction of the relationship makes them willing and able to promote healthy, growing relationships with their significant others. They need to watch out for their tendency to be unaware of what others are feeling, and to inadvertantly neglect their relationships when faced with exciting possibilities that are external to their personal life.


Personally, the issues I had with two ENTP male friends who wanted to date me were:

• Always excited by anything new, they may change partners frequently

They've both had a long line of girlfriends and commitment phobic. I didn't think they were relationship material.

• Tendency to not follow through on their plans and ideas

Both guys made grand plans on how we'd be together one day and what we'd do together so they could win my affections. Unfortunately, neither meant it. At least, their words were not followed up by any action. It's all empty talk.

• Although they take their commitments seriously, they tend to abandon their relationships which no longer offer opportunity for growth

I have a feeling they will "logick" themselves out of a relationship with me when there are too many obstacles, like religion or cultural differences (one of them was from another race and nationality)


P.S: My comments are not to be taken as criticisms of all ENTPs. I'm just shedding light on why my romances with ENTP friends have not worked out.

[Rouge]

INFJs in relationships

INFJ Relationships

INFJs are warm and affirming people who are usually also deep and complex. They're likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. For the most part, this is a positive feature, but sometimes works against the INFJ if they fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner. In general, the INFJ is a deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships, and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive. They are valued by those close to them for these special qualities. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them.

INFJ Strengths

• Warm and affirming by nature
• Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship
• Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings
• Usually have good communication skills, especially written
• Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
• Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
• Good listeners
• Are able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)

INFJ Weaknesses

• Tendency to hold back part of themselves
• Not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities
• Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
• Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
• Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship

INFJs as Lovers


INFJs are warm, considerate partners who feel great depth of love for their partners. They enjoy showing this love, and want to receive affirmation back from their mates.

They are perfectionists, constantly striving to achieve the Perfect Relationship. This can sometimes be frustrating to their mates, who may feel put upon by the INFJs demanding perfectionism. However, it may also be greatly appreciated, because it indicates a sincere commitment to the relationship, and a depth of caring which is not usually present in other types.
Sexually, INFJs view intimacy as a nearly spiritual experience. They embrace the opportunity to bond heart and soul with their mates. As service-oriented individuals, it's very important to them that their mates are happy. Intimacy is an opportunity for the INFJ to selflessly give their love, and experience it in a tangible way.

(Sex with one of the ENTP guys was bad. He was technically proficient. But he approached sex in a physical manner while I expected more emotional connection. I felt like another computer he was fiddling with. Maybe it's just him. But this could also be a potential area of dissatisfcation for INFJs in such relationships.)