[INFJ] Lost, confused and no direction in life.

Lost, confused and no direction in life.

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This is a discussion on Lost, confused and no direction in life. within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Lost, confused and no direction in life.

    Apologies if this is a bit long, but I could use some advice...

    I'm currently 27 years old and a Ni-dominant INFJ. I've never been to college, had a real relationship and I've always suffered from depression. Around the time I was 22, my best childhood friend of 14 years committed suicide which left me devastated and unable to leave the house. I'm beginning to bounce back (taking wellbutrin), but I'm still stuck in a rut. My circle of friends is very small and we don't even live in the same state which means I'm at home all day doing nothing. I used to have suicidal thoughts and internal debates regarding the afterlife because I want to believe that there's something—anything better than what I'm going through. I feel like I've wasted so much time that I'll never get back, but I'm having difficulty changing it.

    I was offered a job from my sister (lives in L.A.) to be a production assistant. I'd be living with her while working 12+ hour days for very little pay. It's a fast, high-stress job where sudden outbursts of anger from the staff aren't uncommon. Despite this, I want to be able to work, find someone, have my own place, be social, etc. I genuinely care and want to help make a difference in people's lives, but I'm not sure if I should start with this job or look elsewhere because I have very little networking and marketable skills.

    Should I take my sister's offer and try to rough it out or ease back into society with something less stressful? I would go from hardly working in years - to being put on the spot with tons of responsibilities if I chose the PA job. On the other hand, it's an almost guaranteed job in an area I'm largely unfamiliar with. I think I'd prefer to do some sort of volunteer or social work, but I wouldn't have a clue on where to start.
    Zech, Halcyon, dvnj22 and 5 others thanked this post.

  2. #2
    ENTJ - The Executives

    First off all you should start by believing in yourself. Think about the pros and cons of living with your sister, . If you have support at the place where you are at now from parents or what not,stay there. If not,it sounds like she could support you. If you're going to get accommodation while you work with your sister you could save up there and pay for college to be a social worker. Just make some stepping stones to get to where you need to go and surround yourself with people who have the same interest as you,think volunteering groups,charities etc ,you might be lucky enough to even get some work experience which will look good on you.At the very least it'll make you feel better by engaging with like minded people.

    Dude life's not a race. Its just your perception of society falsely led expectations. All you need is that one person and once you've got a place to live all your sorrow will feel like a distant memory. It only needs to happen once. Persist like you have been.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Dear Tea85,

    I am very sorry to hear you are not doing that well, but I believe - I WANT to believe - that life is full of surprises and opportunities. I understand your fear at the thought of working full-time after spending so much time at home unemployed, but think about it: what could possibly go wrong if you take this job? You could feel stressed, that's true. But: should you realize it's not what you're looking for, you could still thank your sister and look for something else, right? At least you would have started working again (you could put this work experience in your CV when looking for different jobs in the future), and you would at least gain some knowledge and skills. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your sister, whether it's good or bad, but I suggest you accept her offer and try to get out of the rut you're currently stuck in. Tell your sister, if you feel like it, how you feel, and tell her about your doubts and fears. I am sure she will be much more willing to understand you and empathize with you than a perfect stranger would do.

    Big hug, and keep us posted.
    Halcyon thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Hey there Mr. Tea, even though every human being is unique you describe something that resonates almost exactly with how I (and undoubtedly many others) felt for a very long time. I suffer from depression and have also never had a relationship. I am currently going to college, but something that is hard to understand is that these superficial things can't bring you happiness if your not happy with yourself. Going to college should be something that brings joy and security, but I only started this year and it has yet to bring me any feeling similar to that. I'm finding it very difficult at the moment to understand what it is that I want to do with my life, I sometimes feel like I should be a teacher but other times I feel burnt out and am unsure of what I want to do.

    One thing that can change a lot in your life is believing in your worth, we are all naturally worthy of finding success with our dreams. But so often people trample themselves down by comparing themselves to others, I always used to tell myself that I wasn't worthy of finding love or happiness in my life, I told it to myself so much that I ended up believing it. And for 5-6 years it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now, looking back I see that I was miserable for half a damn decade because I didn't think my dreams would ever come true. I realised that when you focus on something it magnifies, I spent so long focusing on how lonely I was and how much I wanted to be in a relationship that I quite possibly drove everyone away subconsciously, even though I considered myself to be a great/kind person. For me it is very important now that I either focus on something I like (such as a hobby), or a solution to something I dislike, but never on the problem itself.

    One other thing to be careful of is that the mind has this stupid nack for answering questions, so if you ask yourself something like 'What have I done to deserve this?' your brain will come up with answers and it's hard not to believe them. That's why I'm trying ridiculously hard to ask new kinds of questions like 'What's something I can do now that will bring me joy?' or 'How can I move on from this situation peacefully?'. The mind will automatically try and answer and hopefully that will give you some peace or direction :)

    As for the job, I think you should take it and at least experience what it has to offer. Perhaps keeping busy is the best thing that could happen to you right at this time? And being in a new area might be like a fresh start, it might give you chances to meet new people and be more social in new places? That's an opportunity I think I would like to have, you just never know what life could be trying to send your way. I think you are a really nice person, you do deserve love and above all your own love. It's a comment that has been thrown around a gazillion times but loving yourself is essential, I quite possibly got this quote from these forums, I can't remember but it helped me;

    Quote Originally Posted by Runescribe
    If I could pass on some advice that was given to me which I found useful - consider this. Take yourself outside of your own body for a moment and look at yourself in the 3rd person. Just imagine that you are standing beside yourself. What would you feel if you encountered another person with the problems you have now? One would hope compassion.

    Self-pity is not a good state of mind. But Self-Compassion is a completely necessary state of mind. When you are compassionate towards yourself it frees up a lot of mental energy that is otherwise bound up in feeling "bad". It gives you the breathing room necessary to pull yourself together.

    It also fulfills the second part of the Great Command. "Love thy neighbor as thyself." -- Clearly it is predicated that in order to love others we have to love ourselves as well. Be compassionate towards yourself.
    Good luck Tea, may I ask what conclusions you came to about the afterlife? I kinda like the topic :)
    StElmosDream and Halcyon thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors


    The first thing I noticed about your post is how negative it all is. I know we do this as INFJs, but there is another side to life, eh.

    Secondly, you need a passion and to do something you love. Unless you are doing so, you will never feel fulfilled. When you feel fulfilled, happy, and inspired with the life you want, you will attract a partner to your life.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Imverypunny View Post
    First off all you should start by believing in yourself.
    I think this is indeed a very good starting point.

    Tea85, you still have time on your side in which to develop a career you enjoy. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it will work out well for you.

  7. #7
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Tea85 View Post
    Should I take my sister's offer and try to rough it out or ease back into society with something less stressful? I would go from hardly working in years - to being put on the spot with tons of responsibilities if I chose the PA job. On the other hand, it's an almost guaranteed job in an area I'm largely unfamiliar with. I think I'd prefer to do some sort of volunteer or social work, but I wouldn't have a clue on where to start.
    The change of scenery will be good for pulling you out of the rut. Once there, you can start looking for a new job that is less stressful (if it's L.A. there should be many jobs around). If it doesn't work out I assume you can always move back, right? so there is no significant danger in taking this opportunity.

  8. #8

    From my limited understanding of Wellbutrin, it has really bad side effects. Were you prescribed it?

    I think @cyamitide gave good advice! You can work that job with your sister while looking for something better. I think you should take it, a change of scenery will do you good.

    Best of luck

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Go for it. Challenges are opportunities that will only make you more prepared for the next one. Tackle it and don't think about what is difficult or what you don't like about it. Just focus on what you have to do to get through it and excel at it. It might not be something you want to or have to stick with forever but if you can handle it with the right attitude then the experience will only help you step up to whatever comes next.
    Halcyon thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Yes you should take it. Most people would kill for that job in LA- myself included (metaphorically speaking, of course)
    If there's a sure cure for depression, it's preoccupation with something outside your head, aka work. You can use that experience at your sister's to get a better paying, low stress job somewhere else in US.
    dvnj22 and Halcyon thanked this post.

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