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INFJ's dont mind being single?

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This is a discussion on INFJ's dont mind being single? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; INFJs, especially ladies...this is embarassing to say, because i don't want to be perceived to be a "crazy lady" but ...

  1. #81
    INFJ - The Protectors

    INFJs, especially ladies...this is embarassing to say, because i don't want to be perceived to be a "crazy lady" but i have a good clairvoyant friend, tony, and he told me very clearly...STOP dating guys, or looking for men, assuming they will be "THE ONE" - and stop looking for "THE ONE" because it reeks of desperation, and guys hate the "ball and chain" feeling, and they can sense it when they are with a girl and usually try to run!

    actually i was told that the person i will meet will not seem like "THE ONE" he will be a friend first, it will be a sexual relationship first, before me even knowing that he is "THE ONE" what a sick cosmic joke that is, isnt it! it might happen to you all too!...so this stuff about finding "THE ONE"...maybe it would be a good idea to put that on the back-burner for a little while, and just learn to be "chill" and to have fun...and enjoy the moment, and anothers company?

    not saying you all have to do this, but as an INFJ girl, for me this lesson is a thorn in my side, and i have to learn it. you see finding "THE ONE" can be lots of trouble, sometimes you'll land a guy that will pretend to be "THE ONE" to get you into bed...most of the time, guys you meet will literally run, if you start acting like the type of girl that is looking for their soul-mate within a few moments of conversation (unless you are really pretty, men will always find an excuse to like a girl if she's pretty, even if she is a doorknob or an absolute psycho type)...and you can miss out on a lot of guys by seeming on this mission to find "THE ONE".

    does this make any sense? and please guys help me to understand "chilling" i hate it, and well you guys [INFJs] don't seem to be the "chilling" type, so i did post a thread regarding the "chilling" issue, and asked some help from ENFJs too...guys generally like to chill, younger ones i guess? anyhow...hope you all get my point about "THE ONE"

    there is some major double standard too- don't think i've missed it! a man looking for "THE ONE" seems to be principled, and romantic, whereas girls actively looking for "THE ONE" are treated like they are crazy, or clingy types, or looking to trap a man! believe me, i am not clingy at all...and men learn that really fast, once they do anything stupid i walk....but that is another issue! but yes, what is wrong with a girl looking for love? i guess it has to do with the interaction between men and women, and who decides whom is "THE ONE". i think that men mostly make that decision, this is why women perceive a competition, and often fight amongst themselves for a good guy...but i am sure, there will be argument about this topic...i just wanted to illustrate some of the things i've felt when i was looking for love.
    Susanna, Trifoilum, nikkii and 2 others thanked this post.

  2. #82
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Female INFJ View Post
    major double standard too- don't think i've missed it! a man looking for "THE ONE" seems to be principled, and romantic, whereas girls actively looking for "THE ONE" are treated like they are crazy, or clingy types, or looking to trap a man!
    That's interesting, because for me it's the exact opposite. I've never even looked twice at a woman who wasn't looking for "the one". For me that indicates a woman is serious about finding a man she really wants to be with, not for a fling, but for an actual relationship preferably leading to marriage. I really think it's not a man versus woman thing, but a diference between people looking for a soul mate and people who aren't willing to commit so soon.

  3. #83
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by SLN View Post
    That's interesting, because for me it's the exact opposite. I've never even looked twice at a woman who wasn't looking for "the one". For me that indicates a woman is serious about finding a man she really wants to be with, not for a fling, but for an actual relationship preferably leading to marriage. I really think it's not a man versus woman thing, but a diference between people looking for a soul mate and people who aren't willing to commit so soon.
    ok mr. SLN, you are super special exception! i'm talking about average types here, not super evolved spiritual mission types (: how many guys are like you, for real?
    [kidding]

    most people looking for the one are not committed like you are, they want to look for the one, and have a little fun on the side in the mean time...i think that is more the norm. but i always appreciate your experience and responses, because i am more like your type of personality, i just wish i knew sooner (:

    but yes, your point is very clear, and something i will think about...but now that i think about it...i do see that "moment" i can see something change in a guy's mind, where he kind of figures out that ok, this girl isn't "THE ONE" but he calculates, well i can still keep her around, and maybe sleep around for a bit, before "THE ONE" comes along...this is NOT your type of personality.

    with me, i'll have to end up with a spiritual type also, but i guess time will tell. i did say looking for love, in past tense, so i did mean euphemistically to say, "i'm done!" hehehe i just want to learn about some stuff here [being single], i need to learn something i don't know what it is yet, hence these posts.
    Navis Amoris thanked this post.

  4. #84
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Female INFJ View Post
    actually i was told that the person i will meet will not seem like "THE ONE" he will be a friend first, it will be a sexual relationship first, before me even knowing that he is "THE ONE" what a sick cosmic joke that is, isnt it! it might happen to you all too!...so this stuff about finding "THE ONE"...maybe it would be a good idea to put that on the back-burner for a little while, and just learn to be "chill" and to have fun...and enjoy the moment, and anothers company?
    This is actually a good point.

    I met my dude through an online friend. At the time, I was just wanting someone articulate and imaginative who thought I was cute for once, lol. Sure, I'd hoped for the soulmate thing - but after having gone through my entire adolescence without a single date, I was starting to think it wasn't gonna happen, so I wasn't as specific at that point.

    After months of friendly talk online and learning about each other, we decided to meet in the summer of 2004. Our first date was totally awesome, but even afterward, there wasn't talk about love for eternity or any of that. I didn't bring up love until a little bit later, and he didn't believe in it until the next year. Still, we kept returning to each other because of this amazing compatibility which became more and more evident with each visit. Love grew with time and was never forced.

    So, yeah - I am definitely not anti-soulmate, but the process of soulmate discovery can be quite different from what a lot of people probably imagine it to be.

  5. #85
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I don't want to bother dating any girl I don't see the possibility of a lifelong future with.
    BlissfulDreams, Navis Amoris and Female INFJ thanked this post.

  6. #86
    Unknown Personality

    I've been divorced for a very long time. I came close to getting remarried 10 years ago. The cards weren't right...as they say. There's nothing wrong with marriage...if there is true love. It seems that I keep on dating women who have an "agenda". Dating is tough, but being married, to the wrong person, would be hell.
    Susanna and Female INFJ thanked this post.

  7. #87
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I know I'm probably gonna get hated for this, but if you're actively searching for the one, no matter sex you are, I think you need to rethink a few things. Because to me, that means you're looking for someone else to make you happy. Now, I realize that it might just be me. But if I were to meet my one, that would be great. But even if I never do for the rest of my life, that would be fine by me. Because I'm not waiting for someone to make me happy.
    Female INFJ thanked this post.

  8. #88
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Zalithian View Post
    I don't want to bother dating any girl I don't see the possibility of a lifelong future with.
    Agreed I feel the same way.

  9. #89
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Zalithian View Post
    I don't want to bother dating any girl I don't see the possibility of a lifelong future with.
    Have to strongly agree aswell.

    I can't see the point of a short one, I'd only feel hurt and who wants that.

    ps: thought you were the women in the avatar... lol, when i read ur post i was like... wait wut? haha!
    Female INFJ thanked this post.

  10. #90
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Hi INFJs and anyone in this thread:

    INFJ's dont mind being single?

    i want to thank you for everything you wrote, because it helped me in answering a question for myself, and me being single, and my attachments to the idea of 'having a partner" and also lessons that have to be learned in life, either from single, or couple perspective.

    this also lead me into answering an important question "thehigher" asked me, that i was having trouble in answering. so thank you to everyone - and to:

    nikkii (for starting thread)
    kdm1984 (for your beautiful story and for listening to my rants)
    SLN (for spiritual inspiration, always)

    please check out the thread:

    Experiencing thehigher realm and duality of love beyond intellectual barriers.

    [sorry, it is in response to a spiritual question, so quite spiritual in nature, please avoid it if you don't like those kinds of persepectives, but all are welcome to look]

    i won't disrupt the flow here, but i want you all to take a look because it is regarding relationships and being single (spiritual perspective), so may relate to some feelings in here...i just had to thank you all for helping me.
    kdm1984 thanked this post.


 
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