[INFJ] INFJ's: Ever Been Told You're Intimidating?

INFJ's: Ever Been Told You're Intimidating?

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This is a discussion on INFJ's: Ever Been Told You're Intimidating? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I've been told time and time again that I look intimidating to the average eye. I don't dress like the ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    INFJ's: Ever Been Told You're Intimidating?

    I've been told time and time again that I look intimidating to the average eye. I don't dress like the hulk or look crazy or anything. I guess I tend to look intimidating when I don't smile. What people don't understand is that I have so many daydreams and concrete thoughts floating around my head that I look through the physical people I'm interacting with at the time (i.e. crowds, strangers in passing, etc). My mind is always running on 2 reels. Doesn't everybody's though?

    Running on 2 reels has never been exhausting to me, but it has had it's fall backs. For example, I can be looking directly at a stranger without smiling while I'm completely in my head working things out. When I snap to, I'm like "oh shat, this guy/girl thinks I'm a psycho" haha.

    Anyways, those that were "bold enough to confront the monster" all have told me that they had wanted to befriend me for the longest, but were too intimidated to say anything. haha. I know my eyes or my stare can make people feel naked. Maybe it's a combination.

    I'm not on a serious quest to "fix myself" to appease others' wishes, but it is something I want to dissect. When I was younger, I used to overcompensate for this by smiling like a bloody idiot. That just attracted predators, sociopaths and cons that were scanning crowds for tools. I guess I'd rather err on the side of looking like a hard ass than a tool. If people are intimidated then that's their burden, not mine. For me, I've kind of concluded people worth my getting to know aren't afraid of the possibility of rejection. Maybe I'm right. Maybe I'm wrong.

    I was wondering if INFJ's typically get this type of feedback from people or close ones? If so, how have you responded if at all?
    lemondropG, TwitchdelaBRAT, Ms.Gymnast and 3 others thanked this post.

  2. #2

    Yes, actually, I've heard this about myself a number of times. I've had it described to me as a look of intensity and meanness (this one made me lol), plus it doesn't help that I'm in the habit of grinding my teeth a lot, so I probably come across as brooding or whatever, when I'm really just placidly off in my own little world. I think I just look like I have an absent minded stare, or that I'm apathetic at worst, when I see pictures and whatnot. Maybe it's related to being a 6, though I'm not 100% sure about it.

    In terms of responding to this... there's not much I can comfortably do about my facial architecture/tendencies. I'm nice and smiley when conversation begins though.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    A lot of people tell me that I'm intimidating as well. In the past, I tried smiling more, but it just doesn't feel right on my face and, in my opinion, looks really fake. So now, I just accept it and laugh it off. I may be missing out on a few missed connections, but that doesn't bother me too much because in the past it has saved me from some unwanted confrontations and interactions. So it goes both ways.
    Ashneversleeps, uniquegirl and LyricalWhip thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    All the time, right until they realise I have a way of problem solving that leaves people confused or finally realise I may know a great deal about them or a task (doesn't help that I dress like an office worker and prefer Tea or Coffee in public over alcohol).
    LyricalWhip thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INFJ - The Protectors

    haha yeah, isn't it crazy though? I (usually) don't see sane people walking around smiling for no reason haha. When I am "there" and make eye contact with people I do smile. When something moves to make me smile I will. haha....I smile a lot watching wrestling while riding the bike at the gym. If I'm thinking I don't haha. I guess it is our facial structures haha. Look at the actor

    Danny Trejo:

    DannyTrejo 1.jpg

    The following looks so forced to me....

    Danny Trejo-7.jpg
    Ashneversleeps and Bear987 thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Yes. One of my friends, when she first started getting to know me, would say things like "Okay, I'll stop bothering you now!" "So sorry for taking your time!" and then hurry off like I was going to snap her head off if she talked too much to me. It cracked me up, and she got more comfortable with me. Ironically, she was one of the few people I've since known who I can trust to tell me exactly the truth and nothing but the truth if I'm doing something stupid or if she's feeling bad.

    Another friend told me I had a ton of walls to climb over before he felt like he knew me and was liked by me. (Huh? Walls? What walls?)

    A third never really got past the stage of seeing me as a cold-hearted bi--- unfortunately, which is why we don't talk anymore. ;P I think she met me when I was in full-on INFJ protection mode, and never realized that's what happens when you press the big red button, and not my normal state.
    TwitchdelaBRAT and LyricalWhip thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Not too long ago an old co-worker of mine told me he was intimidated by me when we worked together. For the most part I try to be pretty mellow and radiate positivity, but I also exude a disciplined aura of 'probably not a good idea', while maintaining a genuine smile.
    Aizar and LyricalWhip thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Best to just embrace it at this point.

    Aizar, Ashneversleeps and LyricalWhip thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Some people's intimidation I believe are just chalked up to their own bad self esteem. I'm old enough to know about body language (at least with the limbs). My mom made me conscious of that in my teens. Not in a bad way...but moreso from a standpoint of a mother concerned about her child's self esteem haha.

    While I still don't know what to do with my limbs when I want to socialize and meet new people, I've narrowed it down to what not to do and that's not to have "closed" body language, meaning crossing arms and legs. Still awkward, I tend to do 2 poses if standing:

    -legs shoulder length apart with my knuckles on my hips like I just landed on planet Earth to save the day
    -or weight shifted to one leg with my hands in my back pockets like I'm in high school

    Either way, people feel awkward talking to me. Which sucks because there is always this "crickets chirping" moment. I have nothing to add, but really enjoy listening and learning more about the person. I wish I could add, but can be completely ignorant on their subject matter but nevertheless more intrigued and excited. I even tell the person, "omg tell me more", but they think I'm being polite or nice. I hate that. I wish doing a cartwheel in public or something could be the universal sign of sincerity to a person :).
    lemondropG, Coil and StElmosDream thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I haven't been told I am intimidating but I can see by people's reactions that they feel intimidated. I think it is because I appear so serious and driven most of the time. Once people start to get to know me, they are surprised by my sense of humor and how easy going I can be.
    Aizar, StElmosDream, tinlizzie and 3 others thanked this post.

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