[jalex]

I'm curious to hear what other INFJs experiences with dating are? Do you find it easy or difficult, and if you find it difficult what is it that makes it difficult do you think? Or is it even a struggle between if you want to date or want to be single?



EDIT: Maybe I'm not sure myself exactly what I am looking for in this thread... I guess I am looking for advice and tips of some kind. I have myself just started looking for meeting someone, but I don't like the "dating process" (lots of pressure, I can't really relax and be myself), and at work we are only a few (all men). So it is not exactly super easy to meet someone for me. On top of that I am very picky in my choice of partner. I'm a bit confused about this. :)

[yallredyno]

Forgive me but your questions seem a bit vague. It sounds like you are asking out of a personal premise yet the wording is very broad. Therefore, I'm going to offer a meta point here.

I don't like the idea of 'dating'. The common associations to the word can be quite facetious to me. Often going on dates in a serious manner is like speed-dating at a slower pace. Also, the pressures of getting to know someone new is already a profound source of anxiety, labeling it with 'dating' only adds more expectations than it does take away.

That said, I do my best to keep everyone in the 'friend zone', ESPECIALLY if it is someone whom I am immediately attracted too. This is sort of a new resolution that I have been keeping since having had a few thousand realizations of qualities I want and don't want in a partner, that's not to say however, that I am keeping a long checklist of any sort.

'Dating' in general is hard for me because I do not have much access to Truly like-minded people. The inner and outer circles of my social network is filled with drunks, potheads, and ravers. Even if a person I meet does not fall into one of those 3 categories, chances are, they will not have a passion towards their career/life-goals. I mean, most people have passions, but ones who actually take action do not frequent bars/clubs/parties. Hope this doesn't offend tooo much.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the people who I surrounded myself with. Changing friends is a bit of a challenge and it does not help that I am in my early twenties.

[TragicallyHip]

I agree with the above poster that it would be helpful to hear a few more specifics about your question.

In general, I do have a hard time dating and find that I spend a lot of time on dates thinking how I can't wait to get home! But, that's true with many social outings where the social currency is small talk. I find it hard to stay at that level.

I also have a very difficult time finding men I am attracted to. And my dating pool is a bit limited given my age. And then, of course, there are very few people who even come close to getting me. Or even trying to get me.

Overall, as an introvert with an independent streak, I am generally happier being single. I just so often enjoy my own company more than that of most people for any extended period of time.

[jalex]

Maybe I'm not sure myself exactly what I am looking for in this thread, but just interested to hear what other people have to say about "dating". I have myself just started looking for meeting someone, but like you yallredyno I don't like the "dating process" (lots of pressure). I don't like to go to parties and clubs, and at work we are only a few (all men). So it is not exactly super easy to meet someone for me. On top of that I am very picky in my choice of partner. I'm a bit confused about this. :)

That said, I do my best to keep everyone in the 'friend zone', ESPECIALLY if it is someone whom I am immediately attracted too. This is sort of a new resolution that I have been keeping since having had a few thousand realizations of qualities I want and don't want in a partner, that's not to say however, that I am keeping a long checklist of any sort.

How do you mean it is best to keep everyone in the "friend zone"?

[jalex]

Overall, as an introvert with an independent streak, I am generally happier being single. I just so often enjoy my own company more than that of most people for any extended period of time.

I feel the same with enjoying my own company and being single. But now and then I also long for being close to someone, more then just being friends. I'm confused by the feeling of both wanting to be on my own and wanting to be with someone.

[TragicallyHip]

I feel the same with enjoying my own company and being single. But now and then I also long for being close to someone, more then just being friends. I'm confused by the feeling of both wanting to be on my own and wanting to be with someone.

Yes, me too. I struggle with the ambivalence. But I don't know how INFJ-specific that is. Did you see the INFJ paradox thread? This discussion reminds me of that.

[indieandsoul]

I feel the same with enjoying my own company and being single. But now and then I also long for being close to someone, more then just being friends. I'm confused by the feeling of both wanting to be on my own and wanting to be with someone.

I agree with this. I tend to very confused about these conflicting feelings. While I'm content with being single, there is a part of me that longs for a loving companion. However, when those sort of thoughts get into my head, they tend to make me anxious until I figure being with anyone would be a bad idea.

I guess I'm very picky when it comes to that sort of thing. I'm not really interested in going on different dates, meeting different sorts of guys all of the time. If anything it would only discourage and fustrate me because I wouldn't find anyone compatiable. Hence why online dating is a terrible option for me.

[LiteratureNerd]

These are broad questions without broad answers. When you say "dating," do you mean casually going out with people until you find someone you might like to try for something more with? Or are you including serious relationships as well?

Dating and relationships are essentially what you make of them, and it's hard to give a generalized answer when everyone you meet or get involved with is different. I've been involved with guys and felt uncomfortable being myself, and I've been with people with whom being myself was the most natural thing in the world.

Personally, actual relationships are more my speed than casual dating - more depth is more fulfilling to me. I'm basically the polar opposite of a commitmentphobe. I'm totally fine being single, but it's human nature to crave human connection as well. Being in a relationship can be awesome it's a healthy one, and can be terrible if you're in an unhealthy one. One of the main reasons why people decide to swear off relationships, it seems, has to do with a lot of experience with consistently unhealthy experiences.

[zwanglos]

I consider myself a lost cause.

NO WAIT

I am awesome and all the ladies want to date me.

Whew.

[jalex]

These are broad questions without broad answers. When you say "dating," do you mean casually going out with people until you find someone you might like to try for something more with? Or are you including serious relationships as well?

Sorry for the confusion. By "dating" I mean looking for and meeting new people that might fit as a future partner. I find it a bit difficult since like mentioned before I both long for solitude and "meeting someone", and I also have high demands on that someone. So I am interested in hearing if other INFJs have the same difficulties.

Yes, me too. I struggle with the ambivalence. But I don't know how INFJ-specific that is. Did you see the INFJ paradox thread? This discussion reminds me of that.

I don't know, but maybe the conflict is bigger for us since we have much interest in people but also big interest in solitude.