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This is a discussion on INFJ's gone bad? within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by SillaSY What are you implying by this comment? I only imply that I was once an absolute ...
Oooh sharing time!
I thought for the longest time that I was some evil monster because of a few things I didn't understand about INFJ (and depression)
• when hurt I often 'doorslam' somebody out of my life as a way to protect myself
• when I'm depressed I become numb to my feelings
• I become terribly fatalistic and detached from emotion during times of crisis (good for crisis leadership though)
• Became fixated on a sense of justice and fairness, and applying that everywhere
I wondered if I was a sociopath for a while. I knew a sociopath who lived an upright life free from (his former life of) crime thanks to religion and the accountability of friends and family. He was still absolutely heartless, but also gentle and good. I used to wonder if I could ever learn to master life like I thought he had…
AS IT TURNS OUT, I was just really depressed for a few years and not aware of some of my weaknesses as an INFJ. Now I have learned to cope with them, or how to avoid them altogether. Here's my list of Never Again behaviours for myself, and probably many of you other INFJs
@innovati's Top Ten List of Never Agains (Go on, read them aloud with me!)
• INFJs are excellent manipulators because of our keen ability to read body language and intentions.
• INFJs are superb liars because of our natural intuition with language.
• INFJs have a strong sense of justice/morality and desire to help improve the world, thus we are prone to vigilantism.
• INFJs have a need to be wanted. We can't handle competing for attention/love without rotting alive with jealousy.
• INFJs have a masterful gift for logistical planning, and can be bossy/stubborn with others if our solution is better.
• INFJs can entirely amputate people who hurt us from our lives, but our 'doorslam' can devastate the other person.
• INFJs can craft a slipknot with their tongues; but our biting sarcasm deeply hurts others no matter how they try to rebut it.
• INFJs have a hard time letting go of things, and can make things worse by sticking around too long.
There's eight of ten, I guess you guys will have to supply the last two points for me ; )
Last edited by innovati; 07-10-2012 at 11:45 AM.
I always consider a type gone bad as someone with unbalanced functions. For example, an ENFP could repress Fi and never stop to analyze themselves or their actions to recognize if there is a problem that hasn't been dealt with or if they are not being true to their values. But they could also have exaggerated Fi and find criticism in EVERYTHING.
So...an INFJ could potentially be repressing Fe by having the blinders on in regard to how what they do and say affects others...or have exaggerated Fe by over-blowing how every little thing could have a serious affect on the group (the group being any social collection from a few friends to the whole world).
Feel free to elaborate or speculate on this....I'm not as certain of Fe as I am of Fi... XD
Anyway, I really really wasn't trying say how whacky you are... er... how much of a whacker, people-whacker you are. I don't know you well enough to make suchs statements about you - and what I have seen of you on this forum isn't indicative of any level of whacking, with sticks or any other object for that matter - au contraire!
So please forget my whole whacking-with-sticks story; or remember it as a good example of how not to reply to a particular post!
I think all humans are prone to "going bad" which I equate to as being unhealthy. There are WAY too many variables. Just that how unhealthy presents itself in a INFJ is going to be different than that of other types. All types have the propensity though ... This is an interesting topic. Just too vague. Not sure what it is your inquiring. Sometimes people are typed wrong. Maybe that is the case? I have to admit that I have, even as a very little girl, fit the INFJ mold entirely. Although I have been through so many ups and downs that at times it feels like it's getting crowded in here! (not literally, no I am not nuts) Just aware of all the people I have been ... James Joyce anyone? Regardless of all the people I've been, am and am going to be ... I STILL fit the INFJ mold (strengths, weaknesses)
In any case, I think every type evolves into their own. The first time I saw Amelie (french flick) I screamed, That's Me! :)
idk, it seems a lot of people someone play musical chairs with the typing of their personalities. I guess I just can't relate to that.
I actively planned to murder my old man when I was a teen. Is that going bad?
Now that I am an old man myself, I have thought of what he did to all of us, the abuse, mental and physical, I have wished I had. Am i still going bad? But I visited the old home place which is leveled ground and thickets, laid the hatred, most of the hurt aside and realize that it was keeping me trapped as an adolescent victim and decided to leave judgement of him to God.
Have I regained my purity?
I worked with abused children. Some 20-something year old man who rapes a preschool girl because "she was asking for it" - would killing him be "going bad?" I guess there are a lot of moral decisions we all make. Leagle and illegal I know: morally right/wrong gives me a bit to think about.
Hmmmm....I read an old article the other day that was very informative. It discussed 3 different phases of development in an INFJ. I don't know how true it is but I can sooooo relate to like 99% of it. Anyways, I read that Phase 3--which occurs in around your 30's and beyond--some never evolve past. In general, phase 3 seemed to involve learning balance in life and being more introspective and intuitive. I it stated that this is the phase where and INFJ can flip flop with certain other personality types--like an Agent in the Matrix haha! Maybe that's what you're doing now haha.
That said, being an INFJ, I can totally see where my whole life would go bad if I didn't exercise balance in my feelings; if I never worked to understand people (it's still a daily struggle). Looking back, I overcompensated for the negatives by apologizing for everything and letting people say whatever they wanted to say to me. I'd go home enraged and internalize my feelings for daaaaays. Haha I went from killing a fly with a cannon to turning the cannon on myself lol!
Oh well----dunno how to taper this off. Well that's that! Cool thread.
It is so cool reading people's posts. I can so relate. I found a best friend to be a sociopathic predator in the past and that experience made me wonder if I was one too. I think the line that defines me from one is that sociopaths have a warped view of the world. I read somewhere that most kids would rather see themselves as a good kid in a bad world, but sociopathic kids see themselves as a bad kid in a bad world. I see the truth--good or bad --in the world and in myself.
I believe another defining line is that sociopaths often prey on people. I prey on myself and draw from myself when I have a dilemma. I am perfectly okay with living inside myself for shelter when things get hard. While I find myself often annoyed and angry at other people, I have too much compassion to want to prey on another human being. What ignites my fire is the people that prey on ME haha.
Anyways, it seems like you can relate--hope you can. Either way, thanks for posting that.
Me during the past 4-5 years.