[Raichan]

I can relate to what you're saying.

I would love to ping ideas back and forth about this, so there will mostly be hypothetical questions here. It's how I see or play with ideas. Forgive me for being a little scatterbrained. Does anyone relate to their ideas presenting themselves mostly in question form?

I'm curious about your experiences with being understood as an INFJ-specifically what led to that understanding and the personality types of the people who have. I don't mean simple understandings in every day or surface conversation. I mean deep understanding of you in the big picture...the deepest level possible: what you are about, what you believe in, what your purpose is, your ideas, your feelings...things that are significant to your individuality, who you are. People that see you, even if who you are is not fluid or consistent, people who have predicted your unpredictability and "solved you"...this could be for a moment, they simply saw a glimpse of what's beneath the veil, a flash of your eyes...you felt naked and accepted at once. Sometimes understanding happens only fleetingly. I feel like INFJs leave little hints and breadcrumbs in hopes of leading people to who we are, but the traveler gets lost and takes another path. They end up being led away. Who are the people that followed your trail "correctly"? Who was clever or patient enough to jump through your hoops?


Who has seen your soul?


I'm curious because to me, being understood means everything. Dare I say, it means more to me than being loved. I might on some level see understanding and love as inseparable. There are people in my life who I love and would do anything for, but we don't have the connection that comes after someone truly sees me. I don't love them any less, but there is a certain level of intensity and permanence that comes after this experience of a real "meeting of the souls" for me. I was set free. "I saw beyond all limits." ~Rumi


My experiences took lots of deep conversation, time, patience on both of our parts, and the willingness and eagerness for us to connect but it wasn't something deliberate or planned. It was natural and didn't feel like we were struggling. The conversations always had enormous potential, like our "energy" combined was able to go anywhere and do anything together. I feel with certain people, blockages and stop signs are present on an invisible level that prevent us from going beyond the confines of the physical. It's like a voice that convinces me that this person will have no idea what I'm talking about, so I don't invest the energy. It's hard to explain, yet when there are no limits, I've never felt anything more true or real in my life. I can say that only three people have made me feel like I was deeply understood. This feels like such a rare experience for me, because I do not always fully understand myself.

Why do we crave being understood? Why does it matter so much? Why does it free me?

I also feel that way, that at times even being understood to me is more important than being loved. If I don't feel understood in any way, I tend to feel at the loneliest.

That being said, I feel that my current significant other (INFJ soulmate) is the only person who sees the whole of me. No one else in past/present does it better than him. Yes, I have exes who glimpse through my 'soul' and understand it during numerous times - enough for me to share my relationships with them in the past. I know a few people who are kind hearted, great and understanding, they see my deepest vulnerability and several layers. However, I'd say my boyfriend is the one who sees through me, pretty much all the time. We have a certain unique kind of sharing in terms of how we share energy, values, connections - almost like we're imprinted well on each other and like he's my second internal voice. Hence I understand about the 'energy' combined, I feel that we simply can go anywhere together and do anything together. He is the one person in my life who makes me feel completely understood, respected, admired, loved - all in one package and for that, I know that he is my soulmate. Even during arguments and rough patches, we never stopped saying,'I love you.'

The three people who have seen me: An ENTP, INTJ, and an INFJ. What were the types of the people that made you feel known? Did they have a complexity of their own? For my soul-seeing trio, they were all complex in their own way. Please be willing to share any insight of your own.

Is it simply a matter of us taking off our mask? I don't think so, because the mask is as much a part of me as the face that breathes under it. I also feel that someone pushing for it to come off, would only fasten it even tighter in place. But I think being seen goes beyond my face, it is bigger...it's almost so beyond understanding, we are able to be in awe of it together. I think vulnerability is part of it, but I think the vulnerability has to be equal...not only them showing us who they are, but us showing them too. Is it a matter of them wanting to see?

I wonder, does it have more to do with me making myself easy to understand for them, or their capacity for it was able to align with my complexity? I think we subconsciously foresee who has the potential to understand and who does not. When I see a spark, or feel a warmth...I crave to follow it, to set it on fire, to show them my true self. I crave the deep relationships that make me grow, let me explore myself, let me be myself.

Deep down, I feel every human interaction carries the potential for us to witness the truth of ourselves, but we hold back because we are afraid...afraid to see it, or afraid to show it.

I think it 'just is.' There will be a few/several people or one person who simply just knows how to see right through you, who simply connects with you on that level..And there are others who don't, but you can still love and respect them.

[INFJoshua]

i've only ever been seen by other infjs (we seem to draw eachother out. hard to believe there are so few of us because i always find the others), and one isfp. an enfp got close.

[Hokahey]

I plant a little of myself with several people, then I sometimes wonder if at my funeral they could all put the pieces back together and see all the "breadcrumbs" I laid out over the decades.

No one has truly "seen me" yet.

[ruth2ten]

I believe it's up to God to open your eyes to see something in someone.
If God wants to show you something he will.

I don't believe we should go from person to person hoping they will "see" us and understand us. If you want someone to help you see your true self, your more improved self, ask God to send someone your way for a glimps.

Be prepared though, you may not be ready to handle the truth, if the truth requires you to work on improving your own self. The truth may mean you need to accept the faults in the other person, whom God may use to share with you what God has allowed them to "see" in you. In other words, don't dismiss the messenger just because you dislike the message, and the human faults/weaknesses of the messenger.

Seek God first, and all else will fall into place.

[Kyfra]

This is a very interesting thread, Joon. It's a difficult question.

Forgive me if my post isn't clear. English is not my native language.

I think there is a huge difference between seeing someone's soul and really understanding it.

When I stop to think about it, the only people who have seen my soul are my intimate partners. When I'm in a relationship, I feel the need to lower my barriers to allow my significant other to see who I really am. How could he be in love with me if he doesn't know the real me? It's a hard and painful process because in my experience, most of my past partners just didn't get what they saw. So they could see, but I don't think they understood...

After all, I don't expect anyone to get everything there is about me because I sometimes don't understand myself... When a time like this comes up, I'd just love for them to understand that I don't understand myself. You do understand what I mean, right? XD

I tend to try to show my true self a little more quickly nowadays, feeling that if they can't understand or don't appreciate it, I won't be wasting too much time on them and the separation will be less painful, but it's not always a good strategy. I do realize that my true self, the little girl wishing to be understood and loved, can be quite overwhelming and can scare people away... Sometimes, I feel that a relationship that could have worked fails just because I tried to bond too quickly. It's ironic because I actually do that to protect myself from investing too much in a dysfunctional relationship... It really is ironic when you feel you're the one gimping your chances at finding someone who could finally understand...

I've had trouble explaining to my significant other what I mean by wanting to share a deep bond. I usually said something like I want to remain a full individual but that two individuals who really bond should be able to create a strong "us". Maybe it would be easier if I just said that I want to be understood and loved for who I am on a deep, deep level...

I'll keep dreaming...

[See Above]

I believe it's up to God to open your eyes to see something in someone.
If God wants to show you something he will.

I don't believe we should go from person to person hoping they will "see" us and understand us. If you want someone to help you see your true self, your more improved self, ask God to send someone your way for a glimps.

Be prepared though, you may not be ready to handle the truth, if the truth requires you to work on improving your own self. The truth may mean you need to accept the faults in the other person, whom God may use to share with you what God has allowed them to "see" in you. In other words, don't dismiss the messenger just because you dislike the message, and the human faults/weaknesses of the messenger.

Seek God first, and all else will fall into place.

I've been thinking something roughly along these lines for a while now. Few, if any, people see the whole me, (and, as @Crono91 alluded to regarding himself, I don't think even I know my whole self. How can I when I am changing a little every day?) and I'm O.K. with that because I kind of think of myself as a well from which people can draw what they need, when they need it.

Random connections are funny things, like small electrical jolts. My batteries will run for a long time on very little charges from other people. I don't expect to come across my own electro-magnetic-generator-type (too much chance, distance and interference) and that's probably a good thing! I'm not sure my personal wiring could handle that much pure current flowing between us, anyway! (I'm sure it would do monstrous things to my [already wretched] hair, too! HA!)

hairmess.jpg

[The Umbraic Light]

I kind of think of myself as a well from which people can draw what they need, when they need it.

That's an awesome way to put it.

[Ningsta Kitty]

only 2 people have seen my soul ...

Neither of which are in my life.

[The Umbraic Light]

only 2 people have seen my soul ...

Neither of which are in my life.

o.O what did you do to them?

[Ningsta Kitty]

o.O what did you do to them?

hahahaha!!!!

Just wasn't in the cards :)

What is meant to be ... will be ...