[INFJ] Sensors, sensors, everywhere, and not but one Intuitive to think...

Sensors, sensors, everywhere, and not but one Intuitive to think...

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This is a discussion on Sensors, sensors, everywhere, and not but one Intuitive to think... within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Currently, I'm living at home with all my family members; they're all great in their own rights, and I won't ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Sensors, sensors, everywhere, and not but one Intuitive to think...

    Currently, I'm living at home with all my family members; they're all great in their own rights, and I won't down play their own strengths, but they're all sensors, and I'm the only intuitive...VERY LONELY...some days I don't bother talking with them, and they think I'm just in some kinda 'mood'...furthest thing from the truth; and if I am in a MOOD then here's why.

    They don't realize it, but they have this 'anchoring effect' on my personality...they aren't forward focused/thinking, they don't think of ways to change their circumstances, and they sort of, 'lay/wallow' in their misery, or accept their current events....in short, they're not very motivated individuals....and between the lack of social interaction, and boredom, it's driving me INSANE...I know as a human there's a need to be social (however small mine is) and I need to talk to people but when I talk to them, I feel like it's the SAME CONTENT over and over again! They have no idea how boring it is to have to listen to the little complaints that we ALL share through the course of a day...I listen because I love them, but they don't ask how my day was, even out of a sense of courtesy; it's like I'm living in a house by myself, which actually suits me just fine.

    Things can be VERY depressing because I'm the only intellectual in the house....they don't have a fondness for abstract thought, and I can't share even ONE idea with them I have about Physics, Psychology, Genetics, Marinebiology/archaeology; I get VERY EXCITED about talking about sharing my ideas, theories, and feelings about things I'm interested in in an attempt to bring them closer to me, and get their input on things, and I want nothing more than to have that, but they don't even understand! I wanna ERUPT sometimes, but other times, I just can't help it, and I just explode on them, and say things that are condescending, and belittling and are sadly true, but that doesn't mean I should do that to them.

    I'm not trying to do this to vent, or rant, I'm just trying to see if any other intuitives out there are going through this...I'm so mentally, emotionally, and physically tired of this, I'm ready to leave and NEVER come back. I figure if I'm alone in here, I may as well be alone on my own, with the company of my own thoughts; at least I could hear them lol
    Nickel, septemberdawn, Grac3 and 5 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by AstralSoldier View Post
    I'm not trying to do this to vent, or rant, I'm just trying to see if any other intuitives out there are going through this...I'm so mentally, emotionally, and physically tired of this, I'm ready to leave and NEVER come back. I figure if I'm alone in here, I may as well be alone on my own, with the company of my own thoughts; at least I could hear them lol
    -----I spent a good part of my youth growing up in Montana in a house of SJs. My grandmother, an ISFJ, gave me the space to be who I am--and she encouraged me in my creative pursuits. The rest of my family created an experience very much like you describe, above. I daresay I thought them as boring as they thought me impractical and overly-imaginative. I escaped the house on a semi-regular basis (twice a week) to hang out with my best friend (who it turns out is another INFJ). If you are lacking for interest, I encourage you to seek out some interesting people. From our perspective, S-types may appear to be boring, but they are many things we are not--like practical for one. I appreciate that the SJs in my family took care of me in the manner they knew how. It was up to me to take care of myself when it concerned areas they did not appreciate or understand--like the area of mental stimulation.
    -----I still dread calls from my mother, likely an ESFJ. She can talk endlessly about the specific details of everyday life, and I simply cannot take much of that anymore (that's not her fault). However, I always remember that those same horribly boring and seemingly unimportant specific details of everyday life are what she took care of for me when I was growing up.
    -----I can appreciate the strengths other types bring to the table--on the condition that they recognize mine. I also know that I have needs not every other type has--and those needs are ones I have to make sure are met (it's not on others to do so--especially those who do not understand).
    NaughyChimp, Astrophe, petitpèlerin and 2 others thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Do you not have any friends? Family is one thing. You're sorta stuck with them, and I get that. But you can be picky about who you keep as friends. Find some Ns then. It shouldn't be difficult, since that's who you seem to be wanting to gravitate towards.

    If, for whatever reason, friends are hard to come by irl, then get a hobby. Or post more here or in other forums dedicated to topics you find interesting. Or start blogging/vlogging. Express your interest in things that way. Why worry about expressing that stuff to family around you who apparently couldn't care less when you have the world at your fingertips?

    Post a video on YouTube the next time you get excited about some random abstract idea or whatever. It won't take long for someone to give you positive feedback on it, whatever it is. Or, if you'd rather not make videos, search for videos on topics that interest you, then comment on them and you'll probably end up in a dialogue with someone about it. (Same goes with forum posts, etc.)

    Why do you think the internet begins with IN?

    Anyway, on a related note, try to keep positive about your family, okay? Try toning down the anti-sensor bias a bit. That alone will probably help bridge the communication barrier, if you don't go into every conversation thinking "this is a waste of time". Each type has their strengths and weaknesses. For every abstract exciting conversation you have, one of the S's in your family gets a job done and puts food on the table. And they probably remind you to come out of your lab and eat it too from time to time.

    (Trying to be funny here, no offense intended.)

    There are people in this world, whether they be strangers, family, friends, coworkers, classmates, etc that are essentially going to be little more than casual acquaintances. That's just how it is. Most people only bother to get to know others who already have a lot in common with them (similar types/functions/etc) because few are willing to put forth effort involved in getting to know someone that's too different from them.

    Because you have Fe, it's going to feel like you know a wider ranger of people on an easy, sometimes even more intimate level, which will make you wish they could return the favor. But first, you don't know them as well as you think you do, and second, Fe makes you want to know them. A lot of people either don't have Fe as one of their functions, and many who do have it as the inferior/weakest one. Either way, they'll have less of a pull or need to know others.

    That's just how it is. That's why I say find friends or connect with people online that share your interests. Then they will want to get to know you, if not because of Fe, then because of those interests.

    To put it another way, "You can only lead a horse to water. You can't make him drink."
    Reicheru, Geoffrey, petitpèlerin and 1 others thanked this post.

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    what you say is not a sensor thing; it is an individual thing. all sensors are not the same and they should not all bear the blame for what a few of them did. there are intuitives in the world who are difficult to get along with...but we intuitives are not all responsible for what they did, nor would it be accurate to describe it as a problem with "intuitives" as a class, but rather with a few individuals.

    there are a lot of sensors on this site who are hurt by comments like these...and there are tons of such comments on this site. they often feel unwelcome around PerC for that reason.

    i'm an INFJ and wearing the ESFP label for a reason - just so you know i'm not saying this because i'm a sensor.

    not trying to create problems here - it's just because i've seen too many sensors get hurt by comments like this, that clump them all as responsible or blameworthy for what a few of them did.
    firedell, Riy, HorribleAesthete and 8 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I feel the same way. I have an INFJ cousin who's a lot older than me but aside from her, my family is comprised of nothing but sensors. Even as a little kid, I always wondered why I never felt like I fit in with them. It wasn't until first grade when I made friends with an INTP that I started feeling like I wasn't completely alone in how I saw the world. My family never wanted to talk about anything abstract and I'd often keep my ideas to myself.

    I managed to fix this problem by making some N friends. All my friends are intuitive, actually. My boyfriend is ENTP and my best friends are ENFP, INFP, INFJ, and INTP. They make me feel like I'm not crazy. Family isn't everything.
    NaughyChimp and Geoffrey thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    All of my immediate family are sensors. It was rough growing up, I constantly wondered if maybe there was just something wrong with me (And my ISTJ father frequently told me there was.) But after going to college, the world became a much better place. ^_^

    You have a leg up on me, you know there are other intutitives in the world before you "go out" into it. I would just ride it out, try to understand them and where they come from. Even though my sister and I have different worldviews, I still love her a lot and get along with her (ISFJ). And while I can't say for 100% certain that my mom is an ISFP, she seems to fit the description and I can say for certainty that ISFPs are lovely people.
    Geoffrey, velvetoveralls and AstralSoldier thanked this post.

  7. #7
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by AstralSoldier View Post
    Currently, I'm living at home with all my family members; they're all great in their own rights, and I won't down play their own strengths, but they're all sensors, and I'm the only intuitive...VERY LONELY...some days I don't bother talking with them, and they think I'm just in some kinda 'mood'...furthest thing from the truth; and if I am in a MOOD then here's why.

    They don't realize it, but they have this 'anchoring effect' on my personality...they aren't forward focused/thinking, they don't think of ways to change their circumstances, and they sort of, 'lay/wallow' in their misery, or accept their current events....in short, they're not very motivated individuals....and between the lack of social interaction, and boredom, it's driving me INSANE...I know as a human there's a need to be social (however small mine is) and I need to talk to people but when I talk to them, I feel like it's the SAME CONTENT over and over again! They have no idea how boring it is to have to listen to the little complaints that we ALL share through the course of a day...I listen because I love them, but they don't ask how my day was, even out of a sense of courtesy; it's like I'm living in a house by myself, which actually suits me just fine.

    Things can be VERY depressing because I'm the only intellectual in the house....they don't have a fondness for abstract thought, and I can't share even ONE idea with them I have about Physics, Psychology, Genetics, Marinebiology/archaeology; I get VERY EXCITED about talking about sharing my ideas, theories, and feelings about things I'm interested in in an attempt to bring them closer to me, and get their input on things, and I want nothing more than to have that, but they don't even understand! I wanna ERUPT sometimes, but other times, I just can't help it, and I just explode on them, and say things that are condescending, and belittling and are sadly true, but that doesn't mean I should do that to them.

    I'm not trying to do this to vent, or rant, I'm just trying to see if any other intuitives out there are going through this...I'm so mentally, emotionally, and physically tired of this, I'm ready to leave and NEVER come back. I figure if I'm alone in here, I may as well be alone on my own, with the company of my own thoughts; at least I could hear them lol
    I don't see the problem... are you too young to leave? Are you too socially awkward to make friends? If neither a nor b apply, get your ass out there. If a applies but not b, same... if both apply, get over it and do it anyway.
    Humilis Curator thanked this post.

  8. #8
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by GoodOldDreamer View Post
    Do you not have any friends? Family is one thing. You're sorta stuck with them, and I get that. But you can be picky about who you keep as friends. Find some Ns then. It shouldn't be difficult, since that's who you seem to be wanting to gravitate towards.
    I do have friends, but I have more quintessences than actual friends. I'm social, and have the ability to strike up conversation with anyone because I'm confident in myself and my quirkiness, and most people enjoy it. Being an N doesn't necessarily promise that I'll find alot of other N's that I have things in common with; Interests are subjective, and the there are more sensors in my hometown than intuitives....it's rare to find anyone to speak 'fully' to around my town; In fact, my INTP/J friend was the only other intuitive I spoke with that I had an near 'instant' rapport with. I'm not giving up the search though! They're out there! wherever they are? lol

    If, for whatever reason, friends are hard to come by irl, then get a hobby. Or post more here or in other forums dedicated to topics you find interesting. Or start blogging/vlogging. Express your interest in things that way. Why worry about expressing that stuff to family around you who apparently couldn't care less when you have the world at your fingertips?

    Post a video on YouTube the next time you get excited about some random abstract idea or whatever. It won't take long for someone to give you positive feedback on it, whatever it is. Or, if you'd rather not make videos, search for videos on topics that interest you, then comment on them and you'll probably end up in a dialogue with someone about it. (Same goes with forum posts, etc.)

    Why do you think the internet begins with IN?
    I'm still fairly new to this site at least, and that's been working so far. The blogging/vlogging aspect of the internet seems cool, and I'll give it a serious try!; in fact, I'd actually LIKE to reach a wider social audience than just N's, I'm not going to cut out potential friends just because they aren't like me. Variety is the spice of life! The internet seems to be THE place to accomplish this...maybe the exposure won't be such a bad thing? It's just my natural preference to be introverted to keep my thoughts to myself, but I suppose if it will expand my understanding/social circle than that's gotta be the best thing smoking!




    Anyway, on a related note, try to keep positive about your family, okay? Try toning down the anti-sensor bias a bit. That alone will probably help bridge the communication barrier, if you don't go into every conversation thinking "this is a waste of time". Each type has their strengths and weaknesses. For every abstract exciting conversation you have, one of the S's in your family gets a job done and puts food on the table. And they probably remind you to come out of your lab and eat it too from time to time.

    (Trying to be funny here, no offense intended.)
    As I said, they have GREAT qualities, and are pretty funny/easily lovable people for the most part! How they can make an average day so appealing when it's not filled with theory, or abstract ideas is BEYOND me, but they do it, and they're great at it. I'm just frustrated with the lack of connection I feel towards them because of the communication gap/barrier. I'm an intellectual, so I'm focused on expanding my intellect/cognition perhaps a little more so than most, and I DO need to come out of my lab and eat every now and then LOL I guess the 'stop and smell the roses' approach is ok, but as it's important to them to be in the HERE AND NOW, it's important for me to INTUIT THE POSSIBILITIES; it gives me hope, and is the air beneath my wings...without it, I can't fly, and I fumble AIMLESSLY through social situations because I don't prioritize the things that they like because my cognitive functions either provide opposition, or a way around limitations; it's hard for me to get excited about being what I FEEL is a sense of being 'CONDEMNED' to my senses; my internal locus is alot more brilliant, and vibrant than the slower changing world outside of my mind. It's just a gap I've got to work on bridging.

    There are people in this world, whether they be strangers, family, friends, coworkers, classmates, etc that are essentially going to be little more than casual acquaintances. That's just how it is. Most people only bother to get to know others who already have a lot in common with them (similar types/functions/etc) because few are willing to put forth effort involved in getting to know someone that's too different from them.
    I agree. But that's not a problem that I face. I don't mind mingling with sensors, and I enjoy the challenge/change in pace/variety with my Se function, it's just harder for me to get overly dependent/excited about material/concrete reality for 2 reasons:

    1.)if it can't be applied to my ideals, scientific endeavors. I personally think facts should serve the big picture not the other way around.

    2.) In this life, there is NO SUCH THING as object permanence. Things don't last forever, and yet, ironically they do, but only sub-atomically...if you're familiar with the law of Conservation of Mass, 'matter is neither created nor destroyed' only changed/arranged differently in space and time.

    Because you have Fe, it's going to feel like you know a wider ranger of people on an easy, sometimes even more intimate level, which will make you wish they could return the favor. But first, you don't know them as well as you think you do, and second, Fe makes you want to know them. A lot of people either don't have Fe as one of their functions, and many who do have it as the inferior/weakest one. Either way, they'll have less of a pull or need to know others.
    Although I DO have Fe, I do like to have my mental/emotional space, and there isn't exactly this ALL PERVASIVE need to know what EVERYONE is thinking/feeling. That's reserved for those that have peaked my interest in some way. I usually don't pry if people don't want me in their minds/hearts. In my heart of hearts, I do like to get to know people on an intimate close level, and I don't mind people who don't share that similarity; but why waste the effort on those that don't appreciate it? Why should they waste their time trying to peel back my layers? Just seems mutually frustrating on both ends IMO.

    That's just how it is. That's why I say find friends or connect with people online that share your interests. Then they will want to get to know you, if not because of Fe, then because of those interests.

    To put it another way, "You can only lead a horse to water. You can't make him drink."
    In the end the truth is usually right under our noses...though if I found a really THIRSTY horse, you think I could make him drink?
    user87, GoodOldDreamer and Geoffrey thanked this post.

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    @AstralSoldier:

    1. Emotional Invalidation

    -----I recognized your post as a statement of feeling. In your post, the emotion I hear being expressed very clearly is frustration.
    -----You have the right to feel your feelings, both the positive and negative. Emotional invalidation occurs when we are told that there is something wrong with expressing our feelings. Examples include:

    • We are told we shouldn't feel the way we feel
    • We are dictated not to feel the way we feel
    • We are told we are too sensitive, too "dramatic"
    • We are ignored
    • We are judged
    • We are led to believe there is something wrong with us for feeling how we feel

    Source: Invalidation. Every type is fully capable of being emotionally invalidating as well as emotionally literate. However, sometimes the flavor of those things differs based on personality type. NFs, in my opinion, when they adopt the attitude that "one mustn't express negative feelings because those feelings might hurt someone else's feelings," are being extremely emotionally invalidating and unempathetic. Emotional invalidation is a type of emotional abuse, and its immensely destructive effect contributes to many psychological issues, not the least of which is the creation of a personality disorder in someone who has been chronically emotionally invalidated.
    -----There are few things in this world to which we are entitled, but we are entitled to our feelings, experience, beliefs, thoughts, ideas, and opinions. How you perceive and experience reality belongs to you--and your feelings are yours. Positive or negative, it is imperative that we express our emotions.
    -----You wrote, "some days I don't bother talking with them, and they think I'm just in some kinda 'mood'...furthest thing from the truth; and if I am in a MOOD then here's why." It sounds to me like you feelings are being dismissed--invalidated. Look at the third bullet point above. Essentially, being told that "you are just in a mood," is invalidating your emotions. I urge you to recognize emotional invalidation when it is happening to you. I also encourage you to read up on how to deal with it--and to see a counselor if at all possible.

    2. Typism

    -----I think the poster above--who I believe is very well-meaning--conflates typism with the expression of negative emotion. The former, typism, is unacceptable, of course. The latter, the expression of negative emotion, is acceptable and necessary and healthy. While it is of course possible to do both those things at once, I do not think you do so in your post.
    -----The forum rules define typism as:
    1. A pejorative where a person is denied a service or opportunity based on their personality type.
    2. A form of discrimination and an attempt to explain, validate and excuse their negative behavior.
    3. Assigning negative or insulting stereotypes based on typology with little to no verification.

    Source: Personality Cafe Forum Rules.
    -----In my opinion, obviously neither 1 nor 2 apply at all. I do not believe 3 applies, either. You wrote, "they're all great in their own rights, and I won't down play their own strengths, but they're all sensors, and I'm the only intuitive...VERY LONELY." First, you are talking about your family in particular, not all Sensors. You acknowledged their strengths, and you are clear that you are discussing your perception. You are also expressing your emotions: loneliness. You write, "they don't have a fondness for abstract thought." You are discussing your family. However, within the context of MBTI, the very definition of S is "preference for the concrete over the abstract." That is not typism--that is personality type. There's nothing wrong with preferring the concrete over the abstract (or vice-versa), and I think you acknowledge that. What you seem to be expressing is that due to the S-N dynamic in your household you feel misunderstood and isolated. Growing up, I felt the same way.

    3. Expression and Authenticity on this Forum

    -----The forum rules are all rules about what not to do. Naturally, such rules are totally and absolutely necessary on an internet forum, of course. I would love to see some forum rights posted as well. One of the first among those I think should be the right to express both positive and negative feelings (so long as the expression thereof does not violate a forum rule).
    -----As a Type-9 and INFJ, I have struggled with authentic expression throughout my life. Recently, a wonderful Type-4 INFJ shared some things with me that really helped. One idea I found very helpful is this: while we are responsible for what we say (or write), if it is well-meaning and reasonably expressed, then we have done no wrong; at some point, it is no longer about what we are bringing to the table--but about what the other person is bringing to the table--and the responsibility for such misinterpretation rests on the shoulders of the other person--not on us. It is healthy to keep things reasonable, but it is unhealthy to censor ourselves based on another's idiosyncratic and arbitrary reaction to what we say or write. What you wrote was an authentic expression of feeling, and I encourage you to keep doing it.
    Nickel, Kintsugi, Misha and 1 others thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    It may help to know that just as they are frustrating to you, you may very well be frustrating to them. My sister and I look at each other and say "you just really don't get it, do you?" Si and Ni are different planets. You drain them just as much as they drain you. Respect the difference (I say, as long as they aren't hurting others.) I don't know if you live in a house of Se or Si dominants, but knowing what they need will help you go miles in becoming 'bearable' around them, and if you demonstrate understanding of them, they'll most likely treat you with more kindness and respect.

    Se users just want their world to be pleasant and fun, which is a great thing. Si wants their world to be safe and predictable "the way it should be and the way it was." Ni wants to know everything and incorporate everything, to know "THE truth," even at the cost of personal comfort, and that can be scary to an Si user, we are constantly rocking the boat, inviting all the unknowns into their world, constantly trying to revolutionize their mind in ways they don't want and don't need. And Fe is just like a smack in the face, especially when manipulated by something as abstract as Ni.
    Geoffrey, Mankaroni, petitpèlerin and 1 others thanked this post.


 
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