[INFJ] Death, Tragedy, Misfortune…

Death, Tragedy, Misfortune…

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This is a discussion on Death, Tragedy, Misfortune… within the INFJ Forum - The Protectors forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; INFJ, how do you respond to adversity? I've noticed over the years that while I'm sympathetic and empathetic with those ...

  1. #1
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Death, Tragedy, Misfortune…

    INFJ, how do you respond to adversity? I've noticed over the years that while I'm sympathetic and empathetic with those experiencing misfortune (including things I experience directly) I tend to have a calm and philosophical response about it - kind of an "it is what it is, let's make the best of it" outlook. Even while a small part of me may be screaming "F!" and I feel sadness and anger for the situation, I don't get swept away with it and fall apart.

    This past year a few close friends and family on both sides have had experienced some very difficult issues. Interestingly, each has said they've felt calm when they're around me especially when we're talking about what's going on. That surprises me because I'm always sure I come off as being cold and uncaring because I'm not so outwardly emotional (at least not in front of the person).

    Is that common for other INFJs or is it just me? I'm also interested in how other types respond to things like this too so feel free to chime in.
    Theosophie thanked this post.



  2. #2
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Adversity, in any form, is just a part of life. You have to learn how to deal with it and move on in order to get anywhere. Part of dealing with it is knowing it will happen, you can't always stop it, and your only option is to just move forward.

    Many friends and family members have always said that they were impressed with my ability to just move through adversity and walk through the storm without it affecting me. Of course, that's only half true, it does affect me to a point, but I realize, the only way to get past it is to just wake up, do what you're supposed to do, and go back to bed, or just plan a different path and keep going. At the end of the day, if your body is functioning, you're fine, just keep plodding along until eventually you're better than 'fine.'

    One of my friends remarked to another friend upon introduction that I was the one that "kept her sane." Normally when my sister has a really upsetting life problem, I'm the first person she runs to, and I really think it's the calm Ni that does it for them. I'm not going to get all riled up with them, I'm not going to sit there and rant and fume and cry about the injustices that have happened to them. I'm going to listen with a calm and caring ear, and if they want it, suggest ways to move forward despite what happened. Some people really do just want people to cry and be angry with them, ENFJs are amazing for that, haha! But as people get older or they get bogged down from the negativity that they are surrounding themselves with, eventually they realize what they really need is someone to help guide them through the tough times and give them a solid, sensible support.
    MooseAndSquirrel thanked this post.

  3. #3
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Well, some friends have said some similar things to me.

    An INTJ friend wich was basically my neighbour at uni used to come to me whenever she felt down. Funny thing was that she hidded that fact very well for a long time, but when our paths separated we had this long talk and she told me that i always knew what to told her in order to soften her heart. Gosh I miss her!


    Actually i'm going to a series of troubles this past few weeks, some that i know i've deserved and somewhat provoked, others that happened for no reasons at all (or only stupidity of others but who knows...). Very few people are aware of everything but i trust the few who knows to do the right things if anything happen to me. Most of my acquaintances, friends and family have little idea of what's happening 'cause i appear as calm as always. The show must go on!

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    I'm incredibly calm in a crisis. The world is collapsing, and it's like I shift into a very efficient, rational, almost INTJ-like mode, of "just deal with it now" then I'll process it later. In my own crises, I'm less calm, but I'm strong for others.

    My friends and family always come to me when their stuff is burning down, and they trust that I'll have a level head, consider the whole story, and either just listen compassionately or see all sides of a crisis and help them find a solution or greater understanding that is workable and emotionally resonates.
    MooseAndSquirrel and Noelle thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Unknown Personality

    Crisis is an internal definition. I manage hectic situation and hold crisis at a distance until the "time" in which I am allowed to feel my way through it appears. I don't force my way into various feelings in order to survive the things that make me grieve. I allow them to happen, live through them, and process them as they occur, but I also know how to wait until I'm ready for that stage.

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by MooseAndSquirrel View Post
    INFJ, how do you respond to adversity? I've noticed over the years that while I'm sympathetic and empathetic with those experiencing misfortune (including things I experience directly) I tend to have a calm and philosophical response about it - kind of an "it is what it is, let's make the best of it" outlook. Even while a small part of me may be screaming "F!" and I feel sadness and anger for the situation, I don't get swept away with it and fall apart.

    This past year a few close friends and family on both sides have had experienced some very difficult issues. Interestingly, each has said they've felt calm when they're around me especially when we're talking about what's going on. That surprises me because I'm always sure I come off as being cold and uncaring because I'm not so outwardly emotional (at least not in front of the person).

    Is that common for other INFJs or is it just me? I'm also interested in how other types respond to things like this too so feel free to chime in.
    Thank you for starting this thread. I've always wondered if my calmness and stoic nature in the face of a crisis meant I didn't care, or if there was something wrong with me or if I was somehow emotionally crippled that I would feel so calm and unaffected in the midst of other's yelling, screaming, tears and whatnot. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone.
    MooseAndSquirrel thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INFJ - The Protectors


    I go emotionally cold in crises, my thought processes speed up, I make the best decision I can and don't look back, I do not need sleep nor food. All effort is directed to containing and resolving the crises - and when I do, I hit bottom for a while. I feel all the delayed emotional pain in the first few post-crises hours and then begain to resurface. Long term - the death of my brother, for many reasons - It pulls me into a depressed state. Tennyson's"In Memorium" is a good description.

  8. #8
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Not INFJ, but when ever someone I know dies, I act like it doesn't effect(affect? I get those mixed up lol) because it's embaressing. I let my emotions go wild when I'm alone though! One time I cried in school, that was the worst :/

  9. #9
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by Theosophie View Post
    Thank you for starting this thread. I've always wondered if my calmness and stoic nature in the face of a crisis meant I didn't care, or if there was something wrong with me or if I was somehow emotionally crippled that I would feel so calm and unaffected in the midst of other's yelling, screaming, tears and whatnot. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone.
    @Theosophie, you are most welcome and thank you for thanking me. It's something I've wondered about for years and was quite reticent about asking even among my fellow INFJs because I really did think I was alone in this. Glad to know that's not the case . I'm still learning lots thru PC and trying to wrap my head around understanding the functions and such but it's sounding like a common Ni thing...

    Quote Originally Posted by OldManRivers View Post
    I go emotionally cold in crises, my thought processes speed up, I make the best decision I can and don't look back, I do not need sleep nor food. All effort is directed to containing and resolving the crises - and when I do, I hit bottom for a while. I feel all the delayed emotional pain in the first few post-crises hours and then begain to resurface. Long term - the death of my brother, for many reasons - It pulls me into a depressed state. Tennyson's"In Memorium" is a good description.
    @OldManRivers, wow can I relate to that! Sorry to hear about your brother.


 

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