[geekofalltrades]

-snip-

[Ethanol]

Even if a couple started out relatively disinterested, they will report that there was a "spark" from the moment they first met provided the relationship is currently positive.

Well with my current ENFP we were friends for 3 years and I certainly was disinterested in him for those first two years. I had friend zoned him lol It wasn't until the past year when I got to know him more that I realized he had all these qualities that I would want in a significant other. I finally considered dating him, and it took some time to warm up to the idea.

In fact, after telling some of our mutual friends... most people can not believe I am dating him. I just told a friend of mine today and he thought I was joking. So it was a shocking thing for many people, myself included; this was not an expected turn of events.

I think these gut feelings are also tied into attraction.

The more attracted I am to someone, the more it "feels" right, and the more effort I'm willing to make to protect the relationship.

If a relationship feels wrong, I'm much more likely to see problems (that I might have ignored or fixed otherwise) as a realization of my instincts.

It can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I'd argue that if you feel better about this guy, it's because you're attracted to him more, which is a great sign as far as building a strong relationship.

Well I've always thought he was a handsome guy but I wasn't attracted to him for awhile. In the beginning we didn't get along well to be honest ~ we rubbed each other the wrong way but kept the friendly facade. It wasn't until we started talking that we realized we were both on the same page. A lot of the confusion stemmed from miscommunications and our own insecurities or projections of what we thought the other meant.

I'm inclined to believe that the more you're attracted to someone it serves to be a self fulfilling prophecy. However, judging from my last relationship, I was soooo entirely enamored and attracted to my ex to the point where I jumped into a relationship with him despite the fundamental difference we had in our ideas and approaches; I still wanted to date him and felt it could work out despite knowing there would be much compromise on both our ends.

Since that failure, it took me 3 years to leave it all behind (I was still waiting for him thinking we could make it work lol). Self-fulling prophecies are very likely... but I also think there's a lot more to it than just merely 'believing therefore making it happen'. No matter how attracted I am to someone, I can not change what would make me content in one ~ say for example someone who is naturally very affectionate. It's also a matter of how much the other person wants to be with you as you do with them which allows for compromise (you can't be the only one compromising)... and I haven't really met an equal in that respect, until now.

Perhaps it might be a self fulfilling prophecy? In my experience with both previous relationships, I have wanted things to work out only to have it fail (dooms day feeling).... with this one, I am able to accept that it might not work out despite feeling like I don't need to 'try to make it work out' because it simply does. It's different... I can't explain it too well but it's really nothing I have ever 'felt' before since I've never been in a relationship that is effortless in terms of values, principles, and the desire to make things work even though it simply does.

But WHO knows? Perhaps I am DEAD wrong with my assessment.... only time will tell; until then I enjoy cross referencing with other people despite our skewed assessments of our own love lives. If there's an inkling of truth, I'm willing to sit and listen. Interpretation of reality is something I'm all too aware of and make plenty of acceptions for =]

-snip-

What's this? *confused*

[CoakJoints]

Here is the thing...

I ended up in counseling.. It started to become rather apparent that something was not quite right.
I didn't know how to love and as result I didn't know how to be loved.

It took so many broken hearts , mine and others , before everything people had told me just all came together and I finally got it.

My point is.. I had no choice but to grow up and to man up.

So am I just mature now when it comes to love?

I am at peace with love.

Because I know she is the one.. Because unlike past loves.. I am not insecure.. I feel her love I feel my love and I can fully empathize with her in that respect.
I am at peace with it all. I feel safe and secure and I trust her. That is the key.. I trust her.. even if I don't always understand her.. Or even if I think she is being a retard.. I trust her.
The trust was instant and natural.

I want to protect her.. and that includes from me...So I can't lie to her.. I don't want to. See? Because I trust her.

That is how I know.

i like that...

[geekofalltrades]

What's this? *confused*

Something I posted, then took back.

[lemondropG]

In my experience with both previous relationships, I have wanted things to work out only to have it fail (dooms day feeling).... with this one, I am able to accept that it might not work out despite feeling like I don't need to 'try to make it work out' because it simply does. It's different... I can't explain it too well but it's really nothing I have ever 'felt' before since I've never been in a relationship that is effortless in terms of values, principles, and the desire to make things work even though it simply does.

Well said. This is difficult to describe but you've nailed it. That's how my experience was as well. Sounds like you're on the right track.

[Lightlilly]

it's funny that I'm sitting here trying to answer this question, I should be able to answer.....being a married INFJ

I think it's because you never really know for sure, if a person really was the one until the end...I'd like to say that I can feel it, that his love is sincere...

but i don't know what the future holds....I can't be absolutely positive/ sure....
for all I know he could end up cheating on me, in that case he certainly wouldn't be the one....

When I can look back, as an old woman/ or however old I am when I'm passing
and genuinely know that
our love never died
then I'd know for sure that he was the one.

until then I can only speculate..... allowing myself to love back despite the fact I'll never know for sure

[Misha]

If you're expecting your soulmate to be love at first sight, you might never find what you're looking for.

The problem with "the one" question is this: You never know until both of you have been through each other's thick-and-thin--and that requires a lengthy time and endless patience of love and respect.

Ultimately, a soulmate is someone you can grow with, and the only way to grow together is to face challenges together. So if you put your heart and soul into a relationship, stick with it through the ups and downs, even when you question whether it's meant to be, and you might look back decades later and realize that you were with your soulmate all along.

Thus, the twist of seeking "the one" is this: You won't be able to find it as it should be an enlightening epiphany of self-discovery.

[Ethanol]

This is going to be a haphazard response to previous posts. Sorry about that. I often visit this thread and re-read all of your posts and think about what's been said. Sometimes it takes awhile for the responses to hit me in a new way or for me to think up of a worthy response haha =D

I am at peace with love...unlike past loves... I am not insecure..
I am at peace with it all... I trust her...I want to protect her.. and that includes from me...

@Arclight; I just wanted to say that your post really touched on some things that I've felt too. I've just shortened the quote above to what I feel were the key points that hit me.

I had to do alot of deep soul searching and reevaluating what went wrong and why from my past. I came to this point where I was at peace with it all, with the idea of love and my own insecurities. I totally feel at peace with ALOT of things that I struggled with in adolescence. I'm not sure what happened, maybe I just matured AWHOLE lot because of the myriad of crazy life experiences in my early twenties? Who knows?

I do often wonder if it's not him, but rather me being at peace that makes it easy to love again :] Regardless though, I still can't deny his contributions to our relationship, it takes two to tango ;]

Thanks for this!

...you never really know for sure, if a person really was the one until the end...I'd like to say that I can feel it, that his love is sincere...

but i don't know what the future holds....I can't be absolutely positive/ sure....

for all I know he could end up cheating on me, in that case he certainly wouldn't be the one....
until then I can only speculate..... allowing myself to love back despite the fact I'll never know for sure

@Mary Magee; Appreciate the response. Oddly enough, I can relate to this.

I feel like he's my best choice but at the same time I know I can't absolutely be sure that it will 'all work out' in the future. I made this post with the intention of cross referencing other people's experiences. I'm afraid to jinx myself by feeling the way I do about such a thing.

I am all to aware that I can't predict the future and that I'll never know for sure. I'm glad to see your response...

I'm looking forward to getting to the point where you are; being able to look back and see the journey you two shared :D

Thus, the twist of seeking "the one" is this: You won't be able to find it as it should be an enlightening epiphany of self-discovery.

@Misha; I made my boyfriend read the "Male ENFP's Crushes" thread I created on the ENFP subforum awhile back that you responded to ;D He read the entire thread and said that your assessment of how he was acting is 'dead accurate' LOL

So Misha, I'm glad to let you know that you, my friend, are great at reading ENFP intentions (more so than other ENFPs it seems).

I look forward to your responses :]

And thanks for the words of wisdom ~ I'll keep it in mind :D

[Misha]

@Ethanol : Just want to let you know that I sincerely wish you guys will work out. When it comes to romantic relationship, I had learned many things from my ex-ENFP, and in return he said the same thing about me.

It'll be a rewarding journey. Just keep in mind that both types are extremely sensitive to criticisms among other NF types I believe. My experience during heated conflicts with ENFP is this: For INFJ, leave immediately if you can and come back when you had cooled down. When it comes to dealing with his anger, just simply leave him alone.

And then try to talk things out peacefully when both of you are sure that the confrontation won't backfire you. Very often, those conflicts I'd experienced is mostly due to misread based on our difference of hyperactive Ni and Ne, which can lead both parties to jump into conclusion, sometimes too far.

Best of luck!

[Ethanol]

@Misha; Thanks! Fortunately there have been no arguments yet :]

I use to be a type 4 Enneagram 3 years ago while I was dating my ex, and we butt heads so much haha Oh man, one of the things I learned in that relationship is how to avoid arguments. I'm very much a type 9 these days. I really value peace so I do what I can to keep the boat steady.

We're both very honest with each other about our concerns. We don't criticize but we do express ourselves. He wants someone to encourage and support him on his decisions, so that's what I try to do at all times even if I disagree with his methods I avoid dictating his behavior and trust that he will eventually find what works best for him :] Which is easy since we don't disagree on much to begin with, we just go about it in different ways lol

These days, I try to lead by example... he makes it easy to maintain my own independence :]

I'll keep your advice in mind, when/if the time comes though LOL It's too early to tell!

BTW thanks for the comment on the photo album haha I posted more pictures up *WINK*