[Kato]

I've recently discovered that something affecting my work is the fact that in my role, I seek to maintain harmony, I'm a real people pleaser...which in retrospect has influenced many important decisions in my life.
I don't particularly like this idea......and as a whole person it doesn't seem to be me....but I think it is a way that I avoid conflict...
..and yet I end up dealing with situations of conflict regularly...

It's like trying to keep others happy (pleasing them) is an impossible task....they are never satisfied in my experience.....you meet their need ...then they complain about something else..and so you try to fix it for them...

..have others found that they are people pleasers?
..What did yoiu do about it?

[thehigher]

interesting little idea you have. I would say I have questions or problems that get solved...but there are always more.

You know I often see life ...as...like running on a treadmill. You keep running but you never go anywhere.

So ...why are you a people pleaser? Cause you are needed as one....you are a rock that people can count on more or less. Well why are they never satisfied? .....is anyone ever still? There is always more....always something else.....infinity is enticing.

NT's often get frustrated at the fact that there is always more to learn. Well...there are always more people and problems to take care of. There are always more things to feel...that's life....this is wallgreens..........i digress.

[Kato]

strange....because thinking about it...if I could...I'd like to be able to save the world....from everything that's bad etc?

[adc]

strange....because thinking about it...if I could...I'd like to be able to save the world....from everything that's bad etc?

I feel the exact same way sometimes! A while ago, I realized the reality of all the world's conflicts.. it made me so depressed knowing that I couldn't fix them all. It took me a bit to get over that and come to the conclusion that no one could fix it all.
Generally, I'm content with being the people pleaser, as long as it doesn't go against a moral code of mine or I just don't have a good feeling about the person/situation.

[GreenCoyote]

I've recently discovered that something affecting my work is the fact that in my role, I seek to maintain harmony, I'm a real people pleaser...which in retrospect has influenced many important decisions in my life.
I don't particularly like this idea......and as a whole person it doesn't seem to be me....but I think it is a way that I avoid conflict...
..and yet I end up dealing with situations of conflict regularly...

It's like trying to keep others happy (pleasing them) is an impossible task....they are never satisfied in my experience.....you meet their need ...then they complain about something else..and so you try to fix it for them...

..have others found that they are people pleasers?
..What did yoiu do about it?

in the long run people have to help themselves...

trying to provide answers can hurt some people if they never are able to create answers on their own...
teach. teacher. don't order.

even that was an answer to your question... so i am a hypocrite now. ha ha

[GreenCoyote]

lol.... wallgreens.

[Highschool Pariah]

What if your not helping them? What if, the only reason you "help" them is to obtain this feeling. What if you are becomeing blind to if you are even helping them when you think you are helping them? What if the only reason you are helping them is so you can impact the world?

These thoughts were not directed towards you but I myself. I think this is why some teachers take there profession and that is just terrible. Sorry I didn't organize my thoughts better. I feel like a plinko machine lately.

[INFpharmacist]

I find myself being a "people pleaser".

I was called selfish so many times by my mother that I think pleasing people is a form of 'corrective behavior'.

[Kato]

My form of people pleasing comes in the form of 'problem solver'.........other people just can't seem to see the answer which is right in front of them...my role is to reveal it to them..which i find amusing..as it's so obvious to me...
Although with certain people it can become tedious.........it's like they need to grow up and take responsibility for things themselves.........but some want their hand holding all the time..
A strategy I often use is to ask them questions (in the Socratic sense) to enable them to discover the answer for themselves....?

[spook]

I don't like the term "people pleaser" bc it has doormat/conformist connotations xD For example, some people are people pleasers in the sense that they put others' needs before their own to gain approval or martyr points. This is not real selflessness, like High School Pariah pointed out, I don't think such a thing exists. It's ironic that the helper may in fact be more needy than the "patient" to find his/her source of self-worth/role in the world. We must take care of our own needs before we can help others, plus we may not have a clue about what's really best for others.

I get that's not entirely what you mean when the main motivator is your deep compassion coupled with conflict avoidance. We think we should be able to suck up every minor annoyance and be strong for others. I agree that it's important for INFJs to practice being more assertive, since that inevitable conflict is internalised and will manifest passive-aggressively until eventually we lash out at others unfairly for issues we failed to communicate.

Probing to get to the root issue and suggesting solutions doesn't always please people initially but has their best interests at heart, it's about facilitating understandings that will be beneficial in the long run, but we should really factor in a take or leave it approach. If we're too pushy, others won't trust us, and we won't be able to maximise the chance to collaboratively problem solve. It's important to know when to let people go, ask yourself are you sticking around waiting for them to thank you? bc that really misses the point of selfless giving.

Understand and trust that we all have our inner answers, just bc people don't respond/benefit from them straight away doesn't mean they will necessarily forget our caring involvement. The process will be more illuminating if we give people the space to reach their own conclusions at a comfortable and authentic pace.

I sometimes feel guilty for not helping enough and the truth is I don't, but there's an absurd idea out there that a god who is responsible for the suffering of his creation...if he's not doing much to intervene and he has all the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent power to do so, how can I realistically feel responsible for something so way of my control?