[petitpèlerin]

What horrible experiences. But what grace has been with with you all along, to handle all of that, to think and act quickly in your family's defense, not to become bitter, and to be merciful toward your dad; and what grace is with him to come as far as he has. Beautiful stories, and so beautifully told. They remind me of Flannery O'Connor's. She wrote fiction while your stories are true, but she interwove the stark horrors people are capable of in certain moments, with a sane and merciful regard toward them, seeing their humanity and weakness even in their worst moments. You seem to have that same regard, and it's amazing because it's real.

[petitpèlerin]

I can share a story. It's not as troubling as yours, DirtySmilez, because it isn't about the disturbance of people but the sheer indifference of nature toward man:

Toward the end of my first year of college I went cliff jumping in a creek with some friends. It was spring so the creek was bursting and the water coming off the rocks was white and heavy. I realized as we were doing it that it was dangerous and stupid to be jumping into water like that, and I was relieved when nobody got hurt and we started hiking back downstream toward the parking area. We decided to ride the current to get there faster, but there was a point where the whole creek converged into a narrow and violent chute/fall, which we didn't see until we were already too close to avoid getting sucked into it. Without going too far into detail, I got caught right at the top of it, above water, not under, but it was absolutely the most terrifying moment of my life. The only way out was to let go of what I was holding onto and go through what was raging and churning in front of me, and I didn't think I could possibly do that and live, but I knew that the longer I held on, the less strength I would have left, so my best chance was to just do it right away. I took a deep breath, let go, made myself as docile to the water as I could, and let it take me, hoping it would take me all the way through. It did. I somehow popped out down below. And, miraculously, so did everyone else, except one. Her life ended too soon, it was tragic, but there was also a peace about it, because she had recently overcome a long and serious drug addiction and was finally free of its clutches. Her life ended in sobriety and with friends who loved her.

It's the only experience of my life that truly terrified me, that I didn't want to think about afterward, that I didn't want to play over and over in my mind and learn from, that seriously disturbed me, that I just wanted to forget. It was the first time I faced my own mortality and it shook me so hard I couldn't relate to the land of the living for about a year. It was one of those experiences that changes you forever. When I would drive past the highway exit signs for that little town, which I would do several times a year, I would feel dread. But I eventually did find what I needed to really deal with it. I was in the town last year for the first time since the incident 13 years before (I had to make a delivery for work), and I felt completely at peace with it. It was such a beautiful summer evening, golden sunlight in the trees, clear air, gentle breeze . . . yeah, peaceful.

[Lightlilly]

My dad had .....serious anger management issues.... he used to do similar things....he would line my sisters and I up like that...only he never held a gun at us, ...or any other weapon...to my knowledge he wasn't on any kind of drugs when we were growing up ....he'd just threaten us with some terrible task or he'd throw things at us...

I thought about sharing how...

I was at 5 yrs old attacked, dragged by my hair, held down,hit, almost gagged and almost raped by a friends older brother who turned out had been on meth but I didn't know it at the time....this incidence would've been much worse had it not been for the fact that I would not " shut the hell up! and be still " ....I remember thinking....wow...ok...you are trying to hurt me and you expect me to just be quiet and let it happen >.> I'm not stupid....

Then I thought about sharing, a car accident I was in where my mom was driving, while I was in the back in a car seat because I was too short to ride without one...
My baby sister was in the car next to me...I was about 4 she was about 5 months ...all I remember was a huge water truck coming for the side of the car I stretched my arms as far to the right as I could to cover her face......as much of her as I could cover ....I have scars...from the glass shattering on them.....I remember both my moms arms hanging bent the wrong way to the side....the front of her body smushed in by the car ....thing is when the car was hit...it spun, she tried so hard to hold the wheel straight that she broke both her arms in the process...completely shattered one of her elbows.... my baby sister didn't even get a scratch...she was just crying hysterically... when the car stopped and the wreck was over...I remember some girls...probably were in their 20's came to the car and took my sister and I out...I kept trying to talk to my mom... I was wearing a lion king outfit ^_^ and the girls were trying to distract me by talking to me about the Lion king....there's a gap there I don't remember...next thing I know we're at the hospital and I have my arms wrapped/stitched up and my moms in intensive care and I had to learn to change my little sister/ feed my baby sister/ take care of my baby sister while my mom was healing ...

[DirtySmilez]

I can share a story. It's not as troubling as yours, DirtySmilez, because it isn't about the disturbance of people but the sheer indifference of nature toward man:

Toward the end of my first year of college I went cliff jumping in a creek with some friends. It was spring so the creek was bursting and the water coming off the rocks was white and heavy. I realized as we were doing it that it was dangerous and stupid to be jumping into water like that, and I was relieved when nobody got hurt and we started hiking back downstream toward the parking area. We decided to ride the current to get there faster, but there was a point where the whole creek converged into a narrow and violent chute/fall, which we didn't see until we were already too close to avoid getting sucked into it. Without going too far into detail, I got caught right at the top of it, above water, not under, but it was absolutely the most terrifying moment of my life. The only way out was to let go of what I was holding onto and go through what was raging and churning in front of me, and I didn't think I could possibly do that and live, but I knew that the longer I held on, the less strength I would have left, so my best chance was to just do it right away. I took a deep breath, let go, made myself as docile to the water as I could, and let it take me, hoping it would take me all the way through. It did. I somehow popped out down below. And, miraculously, so did everyone else, except one. Her life ended too soon, it was tragic, but there was also a peace about it, because she had recently overcome a long and serious drug addiction and was finally free of its clutches. Her life ended in sobriety and with friends who loved her.

It's the only experience of my life that truly terrified me, that I didn't want to think about afterward, that I didn't want to play over and over in my mind and learn from, that seriously disturbed me, that I just wanted to forget. It was the first time I faced my own mortality and it shook me so hard I couldn't relate to the land of the living for about a year. It was one of those experiences that changes you forever. When I would drive past the highway exit signs for that little town, which I would do several times a year, I would feel dread. But I eventually did find what I needed to really deal with it. I was in the town last year for the first time since the incident 13 years before (I had to make a delivery for work), and I felt completely at peace with it. It was such a beautiful summer evening, golden sunlight in the trees, clear air, gentle breeze . . . yeah, peaceful.

Wow, that's so intense. I don't think I have ever had to deal with the death of someone I knew, I mean im only 19, but I haven't experienced the loss of life so I can't even fathom what it feels like. Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I know it's hard to remember things like that, but I am truly glad you shared. Thank you.

[DirtySmilez]

My dad had .....serious anger management issues.... he used to do similar things....he would line my sisters and I up like that...only he never held a gun at us, ...or any other weapon...to my knowledge he wasn't on any kind of drugs when we were growing up ....he'd just threaten us with some terrible task or he'd throw things at us...

I thought about sharing how...

I was at 5 yrs old attacked, dragged by my hair, held down,hit, almost gagged and almost raped by a friends older brother who turned out had been on meth but I didn't know it at the time....this incidence would've been much worse had it not been for the fact that I would not " shut the hell up! and be still " ....I remember thinking....wow...ok...you are trying to hurt me and you expect me to just be quiet and let it happen >.> I'm not stupid....

Then I thought about sharing, a car accident I was in where my mom was driving, while I was in the back in a car seat because I was too short to ride without one...
My baby sister was in the car next to me...I was about 4 she was about 5 months ...all I remember was a huge water truck coming for the side of the car I stretched my arms as far to the right as I could to cover her face......as much of her as I could cover ....I have scars...from the glass shattering on them.....I remember both my moms arms hanging bent the wrong way to the side....the front of her body smushed in by the car ....thing is when the car was hit...it spun, she tried so hard to hold the wheel straight that she broke both her arms in the process...completely shattered one of her elbows.... my baby sister didn't even get a scratch...she was just crying hysterically... when the car stopped and the wreck was over...I remember some girls...probably were in their 20's came to the car and took my sister and I out...I kept trying to talk to my mom... I was wearing a lion king outfit ^_^ and the girls were trying to distract me by talking to me about the Lion king....there's a gap there I don't remember...next thing I know we're at the hospital and I have my arms wrapped/stitched up and my moms in intensive care and I had to learn to change my little sister/ feed my baby sister/ take care of my baby sister while my mom was healing ...

Geeze that must have been hard to re-live, but I am glad you had the courage to share. Do you think that experience has had a noticeable effect on your life? You know like did it change how you see the world or people?

[ohTOMICho]

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories...

EDITED: Sorry, couldn't go through with it.

[Ntuitive]

I have a lot of embarrassing memories that pop up in my head when I start to zone out. Then I start singing and go back to my so called reality.

One time my family was driving a long way to visit our cousins. My dad discovered that I didn't know my times tables and started yelling at me saying that I wasn't going to get accepted in to college. I was crying uncontrollably and he didn't stop yelling at me. (I was in 2nd grade).

Some other memories I just don't want to remember.

[velvetoveralls]

I have some bad childhood memories from my parents, too, except thank God with no gun like in @DirtySmilez 's story. God, that was really terrifying to read. :( So sorry, girl.

I remember once when I was in third grade...so about seven or eight years old...I was lying in bed. I (being a bit obnoxious) called for my dad to bring me water, but he told me to shut up...and then I asked again, and he charged into my room and started beating me, knocking me into the wall repeatedly. I couldn't stop sobbing, and then he kept beating me while yelling at me to stop crying. My entire body was trembling because I couldn't breathe, started seeing white spots. I legitimately thought I was going to die right then and there. I think I must have gone unconscious or have fainted or something -- I remember not being able to breathe at all and being all dizzy and lightheaded, and my back hurting badly, and then black. The next day at school, the entire world looked so gray. I was especially quiet that day. I tried to tell these girls in my class about what had happened, but they just brushed me away, and that made me feel even worse, realizing just how alone and lonely and ally-less I was. I'd been beaten like that before, but that was the first time I ever felt like I brushed death, so it really terrified me.

[segway92]

I'll share one of my many bad memories.Other then the people there that morning I've only told one other person about this.

It was the morning after my 12th birthday. My father's screaming woke me up. As I was running up the stairs to the kitchen my father was already at the top of the stairs looking dead at me with a belt in his hand. He said " who ate it, where's my chicken?" repeatedly screaming it at me. I told him Idk idk idk. I honestly had no clue because I had chinese for dinner because fit was my birthday, not chicken. He told me I was lying. He said admit it. raising the belt at me I said dad I don't know I..... before I could finish my sentence he whipped me in the face with belt I fell down the stairs he ran after me beating me with the belt all over as I was trying to stand up.It all happened so fast. Next thing I know my moms washing my face telling me to hurry up and get dressed so I wouldn't be late for school. My mother drove me to school and told me to not say anything about this morning. So I dried my tears and went to band class. I thought I could hold my composure but as soon as my teacher asked "How I was doing?" I bursted into tears.It was the first time I cried in public. I'll never forget it. sad part was when I got home from school my mom told me she found the chicken, it was in the oven....it was always the little things with my father. :/

[petitpèlerin]

Wow, that's so intense. I don't think I have ever had to deal with the death of someone I knew, I mean im only 19, but I haven't experienced the loss of life so I can't even fathom what it feels like. Thanks so much for sharing your experience! I know it's hard to remember things like that, but I am truly glad you shared. Thank you.

Thanks. Don't say you're only 19. You've been through a lot. And I was 19 when that happened. I wasn't close with the girl who drowned: she was a friend of friends and she went to a different school in another state so I really hardly knew her, so the whole experience was much harder on my friends than on me. Anyway, thank you.