The Meaning Seekers
If any LoveTypes could lay claim to the title of “eternal romantics,” it would be the LoveTemperament group we are about to meet: the Meaning Seekers—those whose two middle preferences are Intuitive Feeling, NF.
The Meaning Seekers consist of the four LoveTypes who value intimacy, personal growth, the search for meaning, and the power of imagination in their relationships.
You Take but You Give As Well
As one of the Meaning Seekers, you give your partner an abundance of love, but you expect a lot in return. For those who do not know you well, you may come across as meticulous or demanding. “Not true,” you say. You simply hold high expectations of what a true love relationship should be like. You believe you and your soul mate should offer each other everything: body, mind, and soul.
You are more than willing to make up for your stringent expectations and requirements by being the most emotionally affirming, supportive, and inspiring partner imaginable. If you find the right person, you will constantly test the boundaries to see how much love, passion, devotion, and meaning you can bring to your soulful relationship.
In the following chapter, we will meet you and your compatriots in love as you search for that elusive blend of meaning, passion, and personal growth that symbolizes your quest for love.
LoveTypes: The Mystic Writer (INFJ)
“Love is in my mind, heart, and soul.”
If You Are a Mystic Writer
The written word is sacred to you because through it, you can understand and express the mysteries of life. When you are not writing, you are exercising another of your supreme talents—the gift of listening,—to comfort and aid those who come to you for advice and guidance.
When You Are in Love
When it comes to affairs of the heart, you prefer to express yourself with your pen: poetry, journal writing, and tender notes left on the bathroom mirror are your favourite methods of communicating your love and devotion.
As a Mystic Writer (only about 2 per cent of the population), you tend to devote most of your time and energy to your mate. In fact, you can be quite content having your partner as your sole source of quality companionship—as your best and only friend.
Unfortunately, this near obsession with one individual as your sole source of emotional support could cause you grief. You may decide to avoid your loved ones and spend all your time with your partner, only to find out later, perhaps much later, that he or she is wrong for you. In the meantime, you prolong a bad relationship by deluding yourself—with your highly developed sense of imagination—into believing he or she is the right one.
Your Best LoveTypes
If You Are a Female Mystic Writer
You have a wider range of quality mating choices than your male counterpart. You can thrive with the male Mystic Writer, Scholar (INTP), or Idealist Philosopher (INFP).
You even get along well with the Wheeler-Dealer (ESTP), the type of gent who will offer you an unrestrained, electrifying relationship.
If You Are a Male Mystic Writer
As an introverted male, you usually have stress-free relationships with introverted females; therefore, either the Mystic Writer or the Idealist Philosopher (INFP) can be a good fit for you. The Idealist Philosopher can be an excellent mate if you want a spontaneous partner to help balance your structured lifestyle.
If Your Ideal Mate is the Mystic Writer
Where can you meet a Mystic Writer?
Mystic Writers are the most reclusive of the Meaning Seeker LoveTypes. You may have a hard time unearthing them because they often enjoy kicking back at home: reading, writing, thinking, praying, meditating, or listening to music.
Excellent places to meet Mystic Writers include churches, synagogues, or other religious institutions. Although any of the LoveTypes may be involved in religious or spiritual activities, Mystic Writers are especially known for their spiritual (although not necessarily religious in the traditional sense) nature.
Look for Mystic Writers working behind the scenes for the common good of a religious or humanitarian group. They can also be found at self-improvement/spiritual exploration workshops (yoga and transcendental meditation are favourites), retreats, and expos.
Like Idealistic Philosophers, Mystic Writers also enjoy museums, art galleries, and the theatre. An excellent place to meet them is at a museum cafeteria, where you can catch them holed up with a book and a sandwich.
Since Mystic Writers love books so much, you can often meet them in religious or New Age bookstores, as well as in public libraries. You can also become acquainted with them by mail through Single Booklovers, an organization that publishes a monthly newsletter to help single booklovers correspond with and meet each other throughout the United States.
Raised in a conservative Bible Belt family, June, a twenty five-year-old copy editor, was not the type to aggressively approach men or go to nightclubs and be outrageously flirtatious. However, she did love to read.
So when June learned that her ideal LoveType—the Mystic Writer—was passionate about books and reading, she made an extra effort to spend more time at her local library and chat with the cute library clerks.
For the past several weeks, she had her eye on Steven, a thirty-year-old library science graduate student. After a few snatches of conversation with him, June learned he was a Mystic Writer; she knew there was sure something mystic about his cute wavy hair and killer smile.
One day, June brought a book about Hindu philosophy and asked Steven if the library had any more. Steve showed her the books on the topic and invited her to join him for a library lecture series on Eastern mysticism, starting that very week!
Although the lecture was not as interesting as they had expected, they ended up having a fantastic time afterward—munching on sushi and talking till dawn. They are dating regularly now and are romancing each other at book speed: slow and steady.
How do you get a date with a Mystic Writer?
Because Mystic Writers may not be too communicative when you first meet them, you will probably have to take the initiative and start a conversation. Because they are usually fascinated by psychology, mysticism, and philosophy, these subjects are great places to start. If you know anything about astrology, now is the right time to mention it. Many Mystic Writers are acquainted with astrology and the transcendental aspects of life, including prophetic dreams. Once you spend time with a Mystic Writer, you might say something such as, “After speaking to you, I wonder if you are a…” (Say Capricorn or anything else that comes to mind).
Take a guess. If you are wrong, do not worry about it. You do not have to be an astrological guru to win points with the Mystic Writer. Your Mystic Writer probably knows enough to fill in the gaps of the conversation, and he or she will appreciate your curiosity about metaphysical matters.
Once you have whetted your Mystic Writer’s appetite about the supernatural, he or she will keep the conversation going. Before you know it, you may be on your way with your Mystic Writer to a lecture on psychic phenomena, astrology, or psychology.
Since most Mystic Writers are book aficionados, offer to lend your Mystic Writer something from your shelves, especially something in the area of psychology or relationships. Now that you have to meet your Mystic Writer somewhere to hand over the book, it might as well be over dinner. Guess what. You are now on your first date.
Hot Dating Tip
Cater to your Mystic Writer's love of reading.
What kind of videos would a Mystic Writer enjoy on a date?
Try these Mystic Writer pleasers:
- Ghost (1990). A murdered man, now a ghost, joins forces with a psychic to save his sweetheart from the men behind his murder. This heart-warming, romantic tale of a couple whose love survives death is sure to bring a lump to your Mystic Writer’s throat.
- The French Lieutenant’s Woman (1981). In this film, the action alternates between a contemporary extramarital affair and a tragic Victorian romance. Mystic Writers will identify with Meryl Streep’s passionate, Oscar-nominated performance as Sarah.
- Defending Your Life (1991). In this humorous yet touching story of life after death (where you can eat all you want and never get fat), Mystic Writers will receive their daily helping of mysticism—wrapped in a tender, yet never sugary-sweet, coating.
- Fearless (1993). Alternately sad, inspiring, and insightful, this is a hauntingly beautiful film that examines how two survivors of a plane crash cope with their near-death experience and discover what it means to be alive.
How do you win the love of a Mystic Writer?
If you sense that your Mystic Writer is a strong Introvert, you might schedule dates that cater to his or her need for solitude. Try quiet nights at home, with dinner ordered in, soft music, and one of his or her favourite videos.
Or if you feel your Mystic Writer is more outgoing, you can suggest poetry readings or talks on metaphysical, psychological, or philosophical topics. Afterward you can take your Mystic Writer to relaxed, intimate dinners, followed by long romantic walks.
Because Mystic Writers value structure, a wise strategy is to give them an outline and schedule of what you are going to do on your dates. Mystic Writers are Intuitive, so they will take your plan and fantasize about all the pleasure they are going to have. In this way, your Mystic Writer receives pleasure twice: once when he or she visualises the date, and again when he or she actually goes out with you.
Hot Love Tip
Offer your Mystic Writer structured dates.
When they started going out, Fernando would fax Carmen, a Mystic Writer, a detailed itinerary of their dates—right down to the precise moment he would give her flowers and a kiss. At first, Fernando felt silly doing this, but he knew how much Mystic Writers value schedules and structure.
Much to his surprise, the strategy worked: Carmen became increasingly tender and affectionate as the dates progressed. She would spend her spare time gleefully poring over the schedules and imagining how she would feel when her Prince Charming came for her.
Now, after seven months of dating, it does not matter where they go or what they do; they always end up having fun, and their relationship is getting better all the time.
What kind of sexual relationship can you expect with a Mystic Writer?
Mystic Writers are especially tender lovers who appreciate caresses, hugs, and loving gestures from their mates. They are also similar to Idealistic Philosophers in that they want to feel they are in a special, meaningful relationship before they make love: Loveless, soulless sex is not very appealing to the Mystic Writer.
Like most Meaning Seekers, Mystic Writers are sexually aroused by their imagination and their fantasies of what a sexual encounter with their loved one will be like. Their tendency toward modesty and shyness, however, may preclude them from fully expressing their volcanic passion.
To access your lover’s vivid and sensual imagination, encourage him or her to utilize the Mystic Writer’s favourite medium: writing.
Hot Sex Tip
Have your Mystic Writer concoct a sexy story.
Tell your Mystic Writer that you would like him or her to create a sexy tale for you—to write down the most exciting and erotic scenario he or she can imagine. For example, your Mystic Writer may pen a story in which a Viking warrior ravishes his ladylove on board a mighty ship.
Next, have your Mystic Writer recite the tale to you (or volunteer to read it if he or she is too embarrassed). When your Mystic Writer’s sexy scenarios spring forth, you will find yourselves becoming aroused. Soon the two of you will be making love with ever-increasing abandon.
What kind of long-term relationship can you expect with a Mystic Writer?
Among the Meaning Seeker LoveTypes, Mystic Writers tend to have the longest marriages: Once a Mystic Writer makes a marriage vow to you, he or she will likely stay a lifetime.
Mystic Writers are also perhaps the most privately passionate of the LoveTypes. Even though a Mystic Writer may not always communicate his or her profound feelings for you, rest assured, they are there.
One caveat: Because Mystic Writers love so deeply, they may appear to be possessive and jealous (and indeed they may be), but they do not see it that way. Instead, Mystic Writers would fervently insist that their strong emotional reactions stem from their belief that true love must be shared honestly and without reservation—soul to soul.
It Is Love: Mystic Writer Style
Greg and Hillary were so much alike. Both were Mystic Writers, graduate students working on their advanced degrees in psychology, and lonely singles eager to find their soul mate. They had been observing each other for weeks now, ever since Hillary moved into the apartment complex where Greg lived. Hillary especially liked Greg’s sensitive brown eyes, and Greg was bewitched by Hillary’s smile and sweet presence.
One hitch: Both were too shy to make the first move. In fact, they would never have connected if Greg had not placed a personal ad in the local paper. When Hillary saw the personals section, she immediately responded to the ad, which read:
Introspective [Introvert], imaginative [Intuitive], sensitive [Feeler] twenty-nine-year-old graduate student in psychology with disciplined lifestyle [Judger] seeks woman, twenty-five to thirty-five, with similar personality traits for a soulful relationship.
After Greg and Hillary met—and realized how much they had in common, and still had been afraid to meet each other—they shared a memorable laugh.
Fortunately, Greg and Hillary had been able to connect and were now developing a lasting relationship. However, it almost did not happen; Greg was considering moving to a new city and only placed the ad at the last minute.
Motto: Do not wait until you are the ultimate expert on the LoveType system before you approach that attractive person you have been dying to meet. Just learn the basics, practice a bit, and move forward confidently.
The Main Characteristics of INFJs (Mystic Writers)
In a nutshell, Mystic Writers:
- Are intrigued by psychology, philosophy, mysticism, and spirituality.
- Are great listeners.
- Are deeply compassionate.
- Are usually quiet.
- Have streaks of extreme stubbornness.
- Love reading and writing.
Avila, A. (1999). LoveTypes: Discover Your Romantic Style And Find Your Soul Mate. 1350 Avenues of
the Americas, New York, USA: Avon Books, Inc.