[Redline]

My mom (ISFP with well-developed Te):
When I’m not happy with my grades (because I half-assed everything): “Then do better.”
Whenever I seem just a little quieter than usual: “Are you okay? You know you can talk to me, right?”
When I ask her to do something: “Remind me.”
When she fails to do something: “You didn’t remind me!” (I normally did).
When I accidentally do something stupid: “It’s okay, I love you even though you’re dumb.”
When I correct her English: “You knew what I meant, right?”
When she calls me from another room, purposefully pretending to be angry just to torment me: “ADRIANA!”
When she’s talking about something that should bother her: “I don’t care.”
Once when I was choking:
Me – “Mom, I’m dying.”
Mom – “Don’t die, it’s too expensive.”

My mom is funny
All of the things here that seem mean or annoying aren’t. My mom only really shows concern and humour. She’s awesome.

My step father (ESTJ):
When he “hints” by pointing out the obvious (e.g. “Your room is getting messy.”) and I say, “I know.” He replies, “If you know then why don’t you do something about it?”
After greeting each other: “How was school?”
Whenever he feels like it: “Any new grades?”
When I make fun of him: “Is this what they teach you at university?!”
When we have our playful punching fights and my mom starts laughing: “This is what you taught her!”
Every day: “What do you want to eat?”

My step father is also funny

I just got super lucky.

[FigureSkater]

"How do you type so fast?!"- I'm one of the slower typist I know :)
"How do you use Word?"- 3 years ago
"How do you use PowerPoint?"- a few weeks ago
The woman didn't know how to use a printer untill I showed her! p.s. I was 2! haha!

[gwennylou]

My dad used to say this to me all the time and I still get annoyed when I hear it:

"Curiosity killed the cat."

Okay, so Curiosity is a douchebag for killing all those cats, but what does that have to do with me? Granted, I was very adventurous growing up and did many dangerous things while exploring, but I never met a man named Curiosity nor did I have a cat that he could kill.

[BeauGarcon]

Reading the comments I can really see that some have stupid parents or parents who are good at parodying. Lucky for me, both my parents are pretty intelligent; Hallelujah intelligence is for a big part decided by your genes.

[Eloise]

I achieved a 4.0 GPA, and all they had to say was, 'You should've done better.'

'You can't be an artist!'

'I hope you marry rich.'

[pretty.Odd]

"When I was your age I worked during the summer to pay off my college tuition, why can't you do that?"

Well Mom, I have no problem working but with how hard it is to get a job now, coupled with the fact that even if I DO get a job, I still won't be able to pay off my tuition, it would be great if you would quit hounding me about this. This isn't the 80s/90s/early 2000s. Things are different now.

[FigureSkater]

"When I was your age I worked during the summer to pay off my college tuition, why can't you do that?"

Well Mom, I have no problem working but with how hard it is to get a job now, coupled with the fact that even if I DO get a job, I still won't be able to pay off my tuition, it would be great if you would quit hounding me about this. This isn't the 80s/90s/early 2000s. Things are different now.

My parents went to medical school for how ever long doctors go to school(my mom only went for 2, lol) & he told me tuition was like $2,000 a year. That was in the 70's/80's, maybe even trickling down into the 90's. I did the math & my dad could pay-off like 5 years of college with a part-time job My parents don't understand that tuition has risen since then. I want to go to college in England(3 years!) because it's cheaper than going out-of-state(the in-state schools aren't really for me), actually it's only about $1,000 more than going to the cheap in-state school. They don't understand that I'm saving them money(I know England is expensive, but still)

[Protagoras]

Dad (INTJ):

"I am always prepared. I could be in special ops."

"Go to bed... I want us to live as a family and that means that you should be awake at the same hours as we are."

Me: "You know? People really just use ideology to have an excuse to do whatever the fuck they want AND feel good about themselves after doing it."
Dad: "I do not think people who really feel good about themselves need ideology. That is not how people function."
Me: "No, that is just not how you function, but you are not most people."
Dad: "Neither are you."
*awkward silence*

"Well, that is also a way to look at it." [after I obviously 'won' a debate; he never admits to personal failures]

Me: "I don't think people get me... at least, most people do not get me most of the time."
Dad: "That is probably true. Try not to say anything that is out of the ordinary then."
Me: "But it is not my..."
Dad: "No... not your fault, but it is your problem."

"Don't get all philosophical on me, the reality of the dentist is a reality too." [while I was trying to make a dialectical joke at the dentist]

"You are trying to rationalize again." [when I am trying to rationalize... again]


Mom (ISTJ):

"Just because." or "Because I said so."

"You've got to get out more, this isn't healthy for you. There are lots of interesting things out there too."

"But you do talk funny. People usually don't say the things you say." [after I said that someone thought I talked funny]

"You are late! Get moving, I'll make you breakfast."

[sharky]

Dad:


"Oh-Em-Jee!"


The man is over 50 years old.

Mom (ENTJ):


"People shouldn't be allowed to go to college to get arts degrees."

I'm confused... she funded about half of my bachelor's degree in music.

"You should work on losing weight."
"You're so tiny, I wish I was that tiny. Don't you ever eat?"

.........? I hear this regularly in the same week, so it's not like my actual weight is changing at all.

Grandmother:

"Well, Kennedy didn't turn us all into Catholics and Romney isn't going to make us into Mormons. But Obama will force everyone to be Muslim!"

"If you vote for a Democrat, I will shoot you."


Luckily she doesn't own a gun.

[Iustinus]

"Don't support that anti-texting and driving charity. It might offend some of your friends who text and drive."