Emotionally unstable and immature people

Emotionally unstable and immature people

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This is a discussion on Emotionally unstable and immature people within the General Psychology forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; My mom has the emotional maturity of an 8 year old. My 16 yr old cousin is a spoiled brat, ...

  1. #1

    Emotionally unstable and immature people

    My mom has the emotional maturity of an 8 year old. My 16 yr old cousin is a spoiled brat, and she called my mom a "scumbag" a couple of days ago when they were fighting.

    Right now my mom is screaming and crying to my aunt on the phone in the other room, crying because my cousin hurt her feelings and "needs to apologize". She took my cousin being mean to her seriously. My cousin isn't a normal teenager, shes really insecure and fucked up, and belittles people to attempt to control them,and to compensate for past neglect.

    But the point is, my mom is emotionally immature and unstable. She literally acts like a child...Im shaking my head and she is sobbing like a 4 year old in the next room.

    She goes in another room because she is scared of me saying anything. I will tell her to not judge people and to not take it seriously, but she does. Sometimes i get annoyed and say something i shouldn't....i guess.

    How does one go about dealing with this bullshit? I want to help her, but she is extremely resistant to change. Im a psychology student, but thats it, a student. I dont know anything...I give her advice, i give my dad advice, they dont listen or respect anything i say.

    How can i get through to emotionally immature and unstable people???????????? Its so fucking annoying. Im ENTP.
    napoleon227 thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Are you annoyed because she is immature, or because she is sad?
    If it's the former, you wont be able to change her, so learn to live and let live, and buy yourself a good pair of headphone, you wont hear her anymore.
    strawberryLola, L and Tanuchiro thanked this post.

  3. #3

    What's happening with your mom that the opinion of a 16 year old matters? Is it menopause or does she have low self esteem or feel powerless in her life? I think giving her advice is a bit useless right now because she's not thinking rationally.. maybe just do something nice for her to make her feel better, make her feel loved and not belittled.. There comes a time when everyone has to parent their own parents lol

  4. #4

    Is she a reader? You could try leaving an open book or a poem somewhere that she can look at alone, though I don't know what kind. Maybe get her to take an Enneagram test if you haven't typed her yet (pretend it's for your psychology studies?) - but I get the sense you have done that already.

    Can you talk to your aunt (since your dad won't respect what you say) or some other relative? My own mom used to break down crying and threaten to run away many times. She would turn to her sister for support, or just blow off steam at the casino.

    Finally, is there anyone whose opinion your parents do respect?
    cassious thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Well, she doesn't want to listen to your advice, it sounds like. I'd probably, just let her be, and stay out of her problems. I find it to be a waste of time, to try to convince somebody who doesn't want to listen.
    L thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by MrJaxon View Post
    Is she a reader? You could try leaving an open book or a poem somewhere that she can look at alone, though I don't know what kind. Maybe get her to take an Enneagram test if you haven't typed her yet (pretend it's for your psychology studies?) - but I get the sense you have done that already.

    Can you talk to your aunt (since your dad won't respect what you say) or some other relative? My own mom used to break down crying and threaten to run away many times. She would turn to her sister for support, or just blow off steam at the casino.

    Finally, is there anyone whose opinion your parents do respect?
    My parents only respect the news and internet, because those are official! My mom respects anyone who says they believe in God.

    I forgot to add. Im quite sure my mom is INFP. She is also very neurotic, but wont accept help. She has something wrong with her though, she has basically told me that she is an advocate for denile. She does not go to the doctor, fearing something is wrong with her, and because there is a 40$ co-pay, and thinks that i am crazy, because im ENTP. She thinks that im going to snap one day and kill someone. This is because i really dont have any friends and am socially anxious. She hears the news anchors say "Anti-social kid goes on killing spree", and since anti-social has 2 meanings, she thinks that i am anti-social, as in anti-social personality disorder, which is the one where your a sociopath.

    And my aunt is her identical twin. My aunt is divorced, and lives in more denial than even my mother. My aunt is an alcoholic though. You can just see the mental "shields" ,my aunt puts up, avoiding conflict at all cost, and over-using the "reaction-formation" defense mechanism. Thats why my cousin is fucked up.

    The thing that pisses me off though, is that they wont get help, psychologically. My aunt and cousin try a new counselor every month or so, because it "doesnt work". But it doesnt work because they dont give it long enough, and they dont tell the truth to the counselor...I want to go see a family counselor, and ive been saying that for a while now to my family, then the doctor even recommended it, but we wont. My dad says its not what "normal" people do, being the ESTJ fuckhole he is, and my mom backs up my dad with the same argument that we are too normal to need it, though she really doesnt want people knowing about our, problems, and knows that we have problems...my asshole fathers "pursuit of normality" and my mothers constant effort to appeal to people because she doesnt think shes good enough, has led to me developing social anxiety disorder...I'm the odd one out in my family because im into "personal development".

  7. #7

    Damn, you're obviously under a huge amount of stress. I feel like I don't have a right to make any suggestions, since my own situation is not so extreme.

    They won't get help psychologically... judging by what you've said, your family is Christian? If so, does your pastor counsel families (this is a long shot, since your parents want to hide the situation)?

    Finagle and donkeybals probably have it right.
    cassious thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by MrJaxon View Post
    Damn, you're obviously under a huge amount of stress. I feel like I don't have a right to make any suggestions, since my own situation is not so extreme.

    They won't get help psychologically... judging by what you've said, your family is Christian? If so, does your pastor counsel families (this is a long shot, since your parents want to hide the situation)?

    Finagle and donkeybals probably have it right.
    My mom knows a pastor, but my dad would laugh in her face, literally. She seems to go to church mainly for/ the social aspects, although she is also very religious. I try to teach her what some of the lessons actually mean, since stuff Jesus says is backed up by psychologists, but she only focuses on the supernatural aspects.

    My dads one of those assholes that pretends to know everything.....annoys us that actually DO know everything!!!!! hahah jk

  9. #9

    So your mom is the emotionally unstable person, and you and your cousin are the immature people?

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by King_Moonracer View Post
    My mom has the emotional maturity of an 8 year old...

    How does one go about dealing with this bullshit? I want to help her, but she is extremely resistant to change...

    How can i get through to emotionally immature and unstable people???????????? Its so fucking annoying. I'm ENTP.
    You can't get through to them - ever. My mom is the same way and she is now 70 and I've been trying for decades. Having had to deal with a number of these people I recognized (unlike some other posters) that your story was merely one example of many, you probably could have written any number of similar stories. It's too bad some people focus on the details of an example instead of the larger problem at hand. Sigh...

    Characteristics of emotionally mature people:
    • they have a greater-than-average sense of self-awareness - they at least make an effort to understand their own behaviour.
    • they are accountable for their own actions.
    • they are capable of apologizing.
    • they are generally responsible and reliable (usually on time, keep their promises and commitments, etc.)
    • they make an effort to control their emotions instead of allowing their emotions to run roughshod and destroy their relationships like a bull in a China shop.
    • they try to be fair with others and think of other's feelings and needs as well as their own.


    Characteristics of emotionally immature people:
    • they have little self-awareness and are generally uninterested in looking in the mirror.
    • they tend to blame anyone or anything but themselves for whatever happens to them.
    • they engage in projection - if you ever confront these people with their own behaviour they will then accuse YOU of doing those things (and really believe it).
    • they rarely apologize for anything.
    • they are often late, they promise many things but rarely or inconsistently deliver
    • they are emotionally unstable and prone to embarrassing outbursts.
    • they tend to be very self-centered, expecting more from others than they do from themselves.
    • they are highly prone to "escapism" - sometimes it's drugs or alcohol, sometimes sugar or television or risky behaviours, but whatever it is, they like to lose themselves in something that helps them hide from harsh reality.


    Best way to deal with emotionally immature people is to avoid them as much as possible. It is really difficult to do this when those people are close family, but you will NEVER change them.


    Edit: I forgot to add that this has absolutely NO relation to MBTI type.
    wisdom, King_Moonracer, MrJaxon and 1 others thanked this post.


 
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