Addictive Behavior

Would you say you have an addictive personality?
If you have battled addiction in the past, how were you able to overcome it? (Remember: addiction qualifies as any obsession, compulsion, or excessive psychological dependence.)

Which of the traits listed below do you possess?

Originally Posted by Addictive Personality Traits

Antisocial personality - People who alienate themselves socially and value nonconformity with the goals or beliefs of society may be more likely to struggle with addiction. Feelings of isolation and lack of intimacy may encourage people to turn to drugs or alcohol as a substitute for their lack of personal relationships or to feel at ease in social situations.

Low distress tolerance - Poor stress management skills or a lack of coping skills may make people more likely to turn to drugs, alcohol, or other addictions to manage their emotions.

Difficulty delaying gratification - Addictive personalities have difficulty planning and achieving long-term goals because they are focused on the short term. They may exhibit impulsive behavior or a disposition toward sensation seeking, and often see drugs or alcohol as a "quick fix" to solve life's problems.

Compulsive behavior - People with addictive personalities struggle to enjoy drugs, alcohol, or other pleasurable activities in moderation. Instead, they see things as black or white and take an all-or-nothing approach to life. They are either perfect, or a failure; completely in control, or utterly powerless. People who feel compelled to engage in harmful behaviors over and over again, or feel powerless to stop, may have a propensity toward addiction.

Substituting vices - People with addictive personalities tend to switch to other enjoyable activities when deprived of the opportunity to participate in the original addiction. This is why members of Alcoholics Anonymous often take up smoking, and people who recently quit smoking chew gum incessantly. They also may have a tendency toward multiple vices, such as an overeater who self-medicates with drugs to numb the shame and disappointment, or a workaholic who turns to alcohol to relax at night.

Insecurity - Compulsive behaviors often mask insecurity or a fear of failure. People who have difficulty making commitments or fostering trusting relationships, or who constantly seek the approval of others may be prone to using an addiction to gain a sense of belonging or self-confidence.

Depression - Individuals who experience anxiety or depression are more likely to develop addictions as a way of managing their painful emotions. They have trouble coping so they turn to drugs, alcohol, or other pleasurable activities to avoid facing the real issues.
In addition, abuse or trauma in childhood, profound inconsistencies in parenting, or deprivation or overindulgence early in life may be indicators of addiction.

Original source.

I used to be addicted to opiates. Do I have an addictive personality? No not really.. I used to smoke cigarettes, quit those.. don't really drink often. Don't smoke marijuana anymore, gave it all up. Wanted to get my shit together.

I quit using all on my own with the help of God. I never went to a single NA meeting, or rehab facility. And guess what, I haven't ever relapsed. It's because II realized if I put forth all the effort I put into finding my next fix. I'd be one successful woman, at whatever I choose to do. And if I started using again, I'd lose everything I gained.

I guess I have been addicted to certain behaviour for a few years now (eating disorder), and think I have found myself exhibiting each of those traits during different periods. For me it's been a cause and affect.

1. addictive behaviours originated from;

Depression

and

Compulsive behavior

2. Very sick at the hands of addiction, I find myself in a hospital environment. Depression is somewhat alleviated without medication, and new strict routine gives me a new routine/new more constructive compulsive behaviour. However, the culture enforces acceptance of addictive behaviour and I do find myself spiralling at the hands of;

Insecurity

3. Find myself out of hospital, and in the real world. Find it difficult to cope, considering I basically only received medical support. Because of not having my compulsive behaviours anymore I have developed;

Low distress tolerance, and so relapse

4. Repeat stage 2

5. Repeat stage 3

6. Having convinced doctors months before I had made a full recovery, I am forced to recover on my own. I make good progress, but now that I am free of my compulsive behaviour, I now have no choice but to deal with the two big causes- depression and black and white thinking. I relapse at the hands of;

Substituting vices

7. Now I am in the process of beating a new addiction (but still on the eating disorder spectrum) and dealing with all my resurfacing issues. It is a disorder that starts off being about substitution, and depression but it keeps you addicted because it creates this sense of;

Difficulty delaying gratification

I think each of the traits and behaviours also reinforce each other. Unless I’m making progress, things like faulty coping mechanisms and low distress tolerance usually feed the depression. And then the depression feeds into low stress tolerance.. etc.

How have I made progress? Hmm. Like Jess, taking control of my own recovery. Allowing myself to face the scary prospect of taking away the addiction, and face the real issues, and thus allowing myself to fall down many times. Basically, self monitoring, optimism, and willingness to think creativity (change the way I think by attempting to think in different ways). Changing my need to self medicate, to the ability to self heal.

Yes, yes I do. Though I wont specify, I must say I have an extremely addictive personality. It mainly stems from my insecurity, which makes me psychologically dependent on certain behaviors. Other than the insecurity part, I've constantly displayed Low Distress Tolerance, Difficulty Delaying Gratification, and has been battling depression for quite a while now.

Hey, first step is admitting I have a problem.

Originally Posted by Arioche

Yes, yes I do. Though I wont specify, I must say I have an extremely addictive personality. It mainly stems from my insecurity, which makes me psychologically dependent on certain behaviors. Other than the insecurity part, I've constantly displayed Low Distress Tolerance, Difficulty Delaying Gratification, and has been battling depression for quite a while now.

Hey, first step is admitting I have a problem.

Only reveal what you are comfortable revealing. This thread is not about the specific substance/event to which you are addicted to, but the addiction itself--which is, fundamentally, an unhealthy attempt to fulfill one's desire for contentment.


There are three specific types of highs: arousal, satiation, and fantasy (arousal and satiation being more common).

Both arousal and satiation are attractive, cunning, baffling, and powerful highs. Arousal comes from amphetamines, cocaine, ecstasy, and the first few drinks of alcohol, and from the behaviours of gambling, sexual acting out, spending, and stealing, and so on.

Arousal causes sensations of intense, raw, unchecked power and gives feelings of being untouchable and all-powerful. It speaks directly to the drive for power.
Arousal makes addicts believe they can achieve happiness, safety, and fulfilment.
Arousal gives the addict the feeling of omnipotence while it subtly drains away all power. To get more power, addicts return to the object or event that provides the arousal and eventually become dependent on it. Arousal addicts become swamped by fear: they fear their loss of power and they fear others will discover how powerless they truly are.

...Satiation high gives the addict a feeling of being full, complete, and beyond pain. (Arousal gives the addict the feeling that the pain can be defeated.) Heroin, alcohol, marijuana, valium, and various behaviours such as overeating, watching TV, or playing slot machines all produce satiation highs.
The satiation high is attractive to certain types of addicts because it numbs the sensations of pain or distress. This pain-free state lasts as long as the individual remains in the mood change created by the addictive ritual. But this type of high attaches the unknowing addict to the grief process. The trance always fades away and sensations always disappear, leaving the addict with the original pain plus the loss of the pleasurable sensations. Over time, satiation addicts are forced to act out more often (if they’re behavioural addicts) or increase their dosages (if they’re substance abusers). The satiation high gains control over the person, always promising relief from pain. Ultimately, however, the pain returns, deeper and more persistent, until it turns into grief and despair.

Trance state [fantasy] is a state of detachment, a state of separation from one’s physical surroundings. In the trance, one can live in two worlds simultaneously, floating back and forth between the addictive world and the real world, often without others suspecting it. The trance allows addicts to detach from the pain, guilt, and shame they feel, making it extremely attractive. The addict becomes increasingly skilful at living in the trance and using it to cover painful feelings. In the process, he or she gets a sense of power and control, but also becomes dependent on the trance, which is part of the progression of the addictive process. Our attraction to trance-like sensations grows out of our natural desire for transcendence to contact and live within spiritual principles. It is our desire to reconnect with the divine. The sensations of the trance produce a feeling in the individual that connection has taken place. Thus, the trance state is a part of the definition of addiction as a spiritual illness.

Addiction is an illness in which people believe in and seek spiritual connection through objects and behaviours that can only produce temporary sensations. These repeated, vain attempts to connect with the Divine produce hopelessness, fear, and grieving that further alienate the addict from spirituality and humanity, and eventually end in either, death, prison or insanity.

Original source.

I've never been addicted to anything. I find it very easy to give up anything in my life at any time.

My addiction is food. I crossed a line with food that i can never crossed back over again. I used it as a drug. Satiation. Whenever things got hard, it's like I couldn't control myself, I was in the food. I did it so I didn't have to deal with what was happening in my life. I would binge and purge. But even before I became bulimic a year ago, I used my weight which is normal ( I've never been skinny just normal, size 4-6) as an excuse for my dissatisfaction in life. I seriously thought that if I was skinnier I'd have more friends, I'd be happier and therefore everything would be better. But I was never skinny enough. My life was just dissatisfaction. I believe I focused on the weight as a solution because I could not solve the bigger issues that were going on around me. I didn't know how to be happy. When I lost 10 pounds and started wondering why my life wasn't changing, I became bulimic. I didn't have to feel lonely or hurt if I was focusing on filling my stomach. It was a very compulsive behavior. Onset of pain equaled a trip to the kitchen. It became hard to recognize my feelings.
As for recovery, I joined a group called Food Addicts Anonymous. 12 step program for food. Being apart of a group that understands my addictive behaviors toward food is such a blessing. They know how I used to cope, and anytime I don't know how to deal with something, any feeling, any situation, I can call. It gets me out of my antisocial behavior. I used to think no one understood me. It's also taught me acceptance. Life is not supposed to be a fairytale. Fairytale thinking is what keeps us in our dissatisfied present. Life won't change unless you change the things you do. Program gave me a meal plan with out flour or sugar. I weigh and measure all my food and as long as I do that, the cravings go away, the obsession goes away, and I'm choosing life over death. The most thereputic part of it is knowing that. Knowing that I'm doing the right thing for me, instead of abusing myself for other people. I'm crying again. I'm beginning to see so much more in life. My social anxiety is disappearing. My lonliness is managable. Life even with it's bad, is a beautiful thing, and I'm right where I need to be: doing the right thing for myself. My higher power takes care of the rest.

Program taught me to reach beyond myself. Helped me acknowledge that my insecurities were self centeredness. I want to help others, that is the higher path, and I'm not going to let fear of being out of control get in my way. I control nothing. Why would I spend my whole life being focused on my broken parts and how I was going to fix them? Program gives you a solution. You just do it. Then you have all the rest of yourself to give. And giving, giving is what makes you grow. Nothing else. Giving with trust. Life is short, I was desperate so I took a leap.

I'm addicted to gossip, is this count?

Other than that, I have never get any addiction like the one you mentioned above.


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My lifelong addiction -- at least as far back as I can remember -- has been love, intimacy, emotional closeness and security, affection...basically anything that goes along with that. It's manifested itself mostly through:

-Obsessive romantic fantasizing
-Suicidal depression
-Severe separation anxiety
-Severe mood swings
-Compulsive masturbation

...the list goes on, but those are the main ones I'm thinking of right now.

As for overcoming the addiction? I've only recently started to head down that path -- or, rather, I've been heading down it my whole life, but am only now am far enough along to get past some of the trees, look up, and understand the saying “When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars.”

So I'll elaborate a bit, because, though I haven't overcome the addiction completely, I know some things that have definitely loosened its grip on me. I'll attempt to synthesize all the above addictive behaviors I mentioned into a portrait of the underlying addiction itself.

1) Obsessive romantic fantasizing

If you do a Google search for Donald Winnicott (I can't post links yet XD), you'll come across his theory of the transitional phenomena. I've mentioned that theory a lot; not because I have a fixation on it, but because it explains so well what I'd previously been only unconsciously aware of (excuse the paradox). This is from toddlertime.com:

"Winnicott has termed an area between fantasy and reality as the potential space in which the two rendezvous without consequences. How is this safe area possible? Let’s first examine dynamics of the transitional object. The infant or toddler in his first true creative act will imbue an object with symbolic meaning as a defensive measure to carry-over the presence of mother or primary caretaker. This object is created by the baby and the acceptance of a symbol and is usually in the concrete form of a blanket, diaper or such soft article and usually represents mother’s maternal presence and softness. This aids the baby in the transition of relating to omniavailable mother as differentiated from self and others. Hence the term, Transitional Object.


...



Later, concrete object transitions will move into the abstract transitional phenomena. This is an interim region between fantasy / reality and omnipresence / objectively. This potential space is what Winnicott viewed as play, an infinite intermediate area where external and internal reality are amalgamated. Correspondingly, this is a territory in which the subject can take on the identity of a fictional character interlaced with his own identity without fear or retaliatory consequences. It is though this play that one can explore and perceive self and his relation to others."

When I found that article, it was like a light bulb went off in my head: My fantasies were a transitional phenomenon.

You know how I realized it? I was talking to someone about having a woman to sleep next to -- we both mentioned (with all the LOLs and LMFAOs as defenses to avoid talking about everything directly) how nice it would be, and how much we wanted to do that. So I remembered how I used to sleep with a stuffed monkey when I was a kid, and instantly I felt an adrenaline rush. "OH MY GOD!!" I looked for it in the basement, and couldn't find it -- but I found two other stuffed monkeys. I ended up not taking it to bed because it was dusty and giving me breathing problems. But the point remains!

Romantic fantasizing as a result of disrupted transitional phase in childhood

My fantasies always revolve around the deepest level of intimacy I can imagine; intellectual and emotional connectivity and reciprocity, outlined with all the vibrant and gleaming scenery I can come up with...I've been doing it for years. Why? Well, why do kids have stuffed animals?

For me, the fantasies have always been -- only recently to my knowledge -- to cope with the fact that being independent scares me. So in a sense, my addiction to the idea of having a life partner has been, more specifically, a fear of going through life alone. The more elaborate and extensive the fantasies, the more afraid I was of moving forward -- the further and further away the fantasies became, the more desperately and hysterically I chased after them. Plenty of nervous breakdowns/panic attacks/severe chronic stress and fatigue and depression always following: it's withdrawal. I've never done drugs, and I don't drink, but if withdrawal can be described as absolute hell on earth, it doesn't seem so unlikely to me that fixations on romantic love can become a full-blown physiological addiction.

-Being held
-Being warm
-Close and intimate affection
-Exclusivity
-Falling asleep together

I focused on these aspects constantly in my fantasies. They rotated around images; I was addicted to the sensations of warmth, the images that represented it...and it all ties right into the fact that it was all stemming from my own fear of moving forward. I wanted to be a kid again. I wanted to be in a relationship not to have a truly healthy relationship with someone, but, in effect, to have them be my mother. It's not some weird incestuous/Oedipus complex thing at all -- it's simply the idea of wanting to be taken care of instead of genuinely wanting to contribute; wanting to contribute only insofar as protection and security were guaranteed, and willing to go to any lengths to contribute as long as those needs could be secured. I'll talk about that a bit more later, though.

I also wrote stories and poems a lot dealing with these subject matters; and though it was always infused with that compulsive, relentless longing for affection and closeness, I also wrote those stories and poems as a means of learning more about how to cope with the situation. I'd write about a man and a woman deeply connected, for example, making love one night and then having to part forever the next morning; or I'd write about widows and widowers a lot, spouses dying, spouses getting torn apart, so on and so forth -- it was absolute torture to think about the situations, and writing those stories and forcing myself to face those issues emotionally ransacked me, but it was necessary.

That was the 'area of play' where I could take my fantasies wherever I wanted, and use them as a means of learning how to relate to the outside world. In short: if you're anything at all like me with romance, thinking about it as a transitional phenomenon and looking at your inner fears and insecurities on a deep level might help you to cope with things better -- if you expose your unconscious mind and analyze it, you'll get a foothold for making some real progress, instead of allowing one half of yourself to always manipulate and control the other.

Suicidal depression and separation anxiety: "I'd rather die," and volatile emotions

Suicidal urges have a lot of causes, and I'd never try to pinpoint them to just one thing. Nutrition supplying adequate production/supply of neurochemicals through things like phosphoacetylcholine/choline/trace minerals/vitamins is one thing, for example, but I won't get into that now; for the time being, I think mentioning the link between suicidal depression and separation anxiety is worth examining.

I've become extremely depressed in my life mostly over that one thing: the idea of intimacy. This is very simple: to a mind that's convinced itself that intimacy and a 'perfect relationship' are as essential -- or more essential -- than food and water, the idea of not ever having intimacy, or even the idea of intimacy being false or skewed, is unbearable.

Now, likewise, when I thought I had found that intimacy with someone, the idea of losing them was unbearable. Instead of keeping the fantasies in my head, I projected them onto her -- a girl who lives 3,000 miles away whom I've never met. I am very close to her on an emotional and intellectual level: we've talked a lot, sent each other letters and talked regularly for over a year...

The worst part was when, so early on, she said she wanted to be with me, and we both got the idea of waiting until we could be together, even though it'd be a few years: why was that so horrible? No affection = frustration. No proximity = no knowledge of personal attributes = uncertainty about the whole situation.

That ties into mood swings. Unstable situations lead to unstable emotions in unstable people; falling in love with a girl whose feelings were always a mystery to me, and who I couldn't even see in person or talk to on the phone on a regular basis, was a perfect breeding ground for emotional pain and anxiety. She was, in my eyes, the one-and-only for me: at the time you'd have as good a chance of making me think I could ever be happy with anyone else as you could convince a child to be happy going home with some random person's mom. Not happening. Kicking and screaming and crying and panicking.

At one point she broke things off. That hit hard. Months later, as I tried and failed to cope with the uncertainty of her feelings (in reality, the uncertainty of my own feelings about being independent), I thought of killing myself. That wasn't the sole cause, but it certainly was a catalyst: the idea of being without intimacy or any support -- of not having my fantasies, and coping with the idea that they were illusory -- was unbearable, as I said before. Going out into the world and making my own way was absolutely impossible. I was a C-section baby; I had to stay in the hospital before I got to go home. And that's how I felt just recently: how am I supposed to go out into the world and make my way alone when I can't even breathe without help?

I'd rather have died and escaped "this miserable world" than spend another minute living in that hell. Hence, suicidal depression.

There were complications worth mentioning -- the fact that I wasn't just deprived of intimacy, for example. I've generally had little to no affection in my life, and I was coping with the situation completely by myself, because I didn't have anyone else to talk to.

It's worth mentioning because yes, overcoming addictions is something you have to do on your own, but when other people just say "you have to help yourself" or "I can't save you" instead of supporting you or simply listening to what you have to say and offering friendly help or maybe even a hug or two (I really feel like I could use some of that)...well, let's just say you need other people. Ever heard that Beatles song? "Yes, I get by with a little help from my friends!" Happiness is a decision, but at the same time, try telling that to someone locked up in a Supermax solitary confinement cell. Completely excluding other people from the picture in terms of your recovery plan is probably not a good idea!

I would know...I think I'm paying the price for doing that right now, actually. =P

Compulsive masturbation

This is a horrible addiction. There isn't really much to say about it other than that, at least how I'm thinking of it right now: it's just like drugs or alcohol. Whether or not you're going on porn while doing it doesn't change the fact that it's an addiction, though I have to say that avoiding porn is probably in everyone's best interest, since direct visual stimulation and the possible conditioned-association of sex with computers/work area (any time you're in a space that's similar to where you most frequently masturbate, you might get the urge to do it) is probably doubling up on the problems of compulsive masturbation.

This is very hard to get over, and I've only made a little progress so far. People think it's funny, like I used to do it a LOT every day -- four or five times was average -- but it's torture. It's a horrible addiction. Not to mention sexual exhaustion as well as tension gave me severe pain for a while, as well as rendering me impotent for quite a while. That didn't help my anxiety at all, to say the least XD

FINAL NOTES

-Addiction to an object might lead us to think that the object has the greatest importance; what's really important, though, and what will help us to recover, is recognizing that the addiction comes from fear of something else.

-Addiction might be thought of as a transitional phenomenon gone wrong: we take something healthy like a relationship with another person, but instead of using it to progress as an individual and to get to know someone else, we use it as a way of doing the opposite: staying in our comfort zone, and further securing ourselves in our comfort zone in an attempt to eliminate everything that threatens to take us out of it.

-"All stability of character rests on contemplation of changeless unity." -F.W. Robertson
Mood swings are bound to happen when we're uncertain about what we want. i.e., we get lost in our addiction, whatever it may be, and in seeing that addiction as all there is to reality, we get confused by every reality that exists outside of it -- "if it isn't about intimacy," for example, "I don't want want to have anything to do with it." In this sense, when you're addicted to one reality because of a fear of experiencing another, many or all external stimuli may be extremely upsetting to you. You might become hypersensitive to signals that someone close to you might not like you; you might blow up in a fit of jealousy or rage over a very small incident; you might even be bothered by things like light or sound, like a flash of sunlight in your eyes might make you angry, or the sound of someone eating might make you angry.

(That's my own experience and my own speculation; obviously it doesn't apply to everyone, but I think it's worth considering in any case)

-Seeing that your addiction is not all there is to reality seems to be the hardest part of working past the addiction -- it's one of the first steps, and it's one of the most painful. Nobody wants to face the idea that the world can exist -- that happiness can exist -- without the thing that they most closely associate happiness with. There's a whole universe waiting for you: it's scary as hell, I know that one for sure, but it's only as scary as you're afraid of letting go of your attachment to your addiction -- the fear is self-created. Facing even THAT idea is scary, and takes a lot of courage...but blah blah blah.

Maybe I'm addicted to talking too much. My neck is really starting to hurt. LOL

:(

There's so much to talk about with this, though...well, anyway, take everything I said with a grain of salt; I just hope that everyone can continue to work TOGETHER to get past this stuff. This seems to be a great forum for that, so that's good to know!

Independence means living free from attachments and addictions to people, places and things; it means being free to enjoy them for what they truly are, not isolating yourself from them or that the joys they have to offer are illusions. Basically, remember that love is the centerpiece, the axis on which this whole thing is turning, and if you don't lose sight of that, you should be okay.

I know I do.

My main problem is depression.

My high that I usually get is the Trance high. Which would explain once I start, it's harder to quit.

Like right now, I'm having to quit so that way I can find a job and start investing. But I think that once I pay for stuff I want like a HDTV and a decent amount of booze, then I'll be able to start investing hopefully to the point I can get a decent place downtown and can live off my investments. At least that's the goal. Because I figure as long as I can pay for everything and still have money in the bank without working, then I'll be financially secure and can do whatever I want.

Oh, and I plan to do all this by the time I'm 30, which gives about 10 & 1/2 years to do it.