Hi there, so just let you guys know I am 15, so this may indeed just be from a lack of maturity (although I'd consider myself quite mature in areas for my age anyway). I was thinking about a predicament I've been having, and wrote down my thoughts, and It'd be nice for someone with a different perspective to look over them :)
How to become more determined…
Hmmm, you see (and I realise I’m talking to no-one but myself here, but it helps to clearly lay down thoughts on a page as if you were talking to someone) I find that I myself am quite a talented person, in respects to creativity and linguistics. But I was reading up some thoughts on what hinders many writers and I stumbled upon this.
“An aspiring writer with talent *and* determination can achieve great things. An aspiring writer with lesser talent but great determination can achieve high-standards as well. But an aspiring writer with much talent and very little determination does nothing.”
And this appears to be my problem, I have talent in the creative process, but I give up too easily and I don’t conceptualize my ideas. Or more, I have the base concept in my mind very clear, but I find it difficult sometimes to articulate it in a manner I feel does justice to it. Or maybe I’ve rarely tried it, it does feel as if this is a new experience for me, I don’t recall writing down my thoughts like this before.
But I digress, it feels as if I’m just too lazy to achieve any of the things I’d like to do. When I made maps for “The Lord of the Rings : Battle for Middle Earth 2” I gave up after making a single map really. Whenever I tried to play one of my roleplay characters in “Oblivion” or “Skyrim”, I always ended giving up. My latest creation was my character for the anime “Bleach”, I’m incredibly proud of him, and to be honest I think that if I actually succeeded in doing him justice that it would be an incredibly powerful story. I don’t mean to be cocky, but I do have self-confidence and in my opinion you will get no-where without at least some hope that you can achieve greatness, as we all can in our own way.
But… I simply find it impossible to muster up enough driving force to actually pursue these goals. I want to become a good animator so I can make my Bleach character into a reality, I want to spend time conceptualizing his storyboard and finally letting the story create lead its own creation in a way, but I find it so difficult to “bear on” and just get it done.
Perhaps, no… definitely that is somewhere where my brother and I differ. And I’ve come to him for advice repeatedly and he has always told me to just stick my head down and get on with it. And it worked sometimes, one or two of my Oblivion characters that I was close to getting bored with became a success, I took a small break from them, walked the dog and when I came back I just got on with the goals I had with them. Eventually I got bored with them, and I found it extremely difficult to make that decision again to bear on. And I failed in the decision, and have never once succeeded in it from my memory.
It also applies to my schoolwork, the fact that my English teacher was raving about an essay I wrote, saying it would absolutely get an A1 in the leaving cert. which I was chuffed to bits with. But I go into the exam, which only includes one other essay on Shakespeare’s sonnets (which I actually do find quite interesting) and I come out with a B.
I don’t know why I’m like this, but it is quite depressing. Someone’s thought on the matter would be excellent.
By the way, I'm quite into gaming and anime (although not obsessively so). Oblivion and Skyrim are both roleplaying free-roam games (extremely good in my opinion) and Bleach is an action anime, but my character tended to be a bit less about fighting, in fact he actually reforms one of his foes (but enough about that now) :)
So, like I said before, any thoughts?