Whats wrong when someone hates himself/herself?

Whats wrong when someone hates himself/herself?

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This is a discussion on Whats wrong when someone hates himself/herself? within the General Psychology forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; Is anyone else in such a state of actually despising theirself?If so,what went wrong?For instace,I was always shy as a ...

  1. #1

    Whats wrong when someone hates himself/herself?

    Is anyone else in such a state of actually despising theirself?If so,what went wrong?For instace,I was always shy as a kid,was quiet and kind towards my peers,yet they always seemed to ignore me and bully me,including my own brother,who was the exact opposite,he was..the bully,who bossed around others,didnt care about anything and anyone and still everyone adored him..including myself.For a period of 5 years I recovered from that behavior,I became "the cool one",and felt pretty well about myself.Now I'm 22 and I'm relapsing back to the person I was when I was 7..I'm insecure,I'm always nice to everyone(I know people but have no real friends),when I'm around anyone I admire I feel like crap,though I'm not bad looking,I feel like a monster,and I can't even speak properly.I almost feel like someone is doing me the honour to be around me.I hate hearing my own voice,I hate torturing someone to listen to the shit I have to say,I hate baring someone to look at my stupid face.If anyone happens to feel somewhat similar to this,I'd like to hear about their story..
    moon and jamaix thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I am not sure exactly what is going on, but if you are curious about looking up depression and other possible mood disorders, then you should go for it. Do whatever you think is right if you are worried about this.
    The slow speaking is what really brought my attention and made me think of major depression, but you should check that out for yourself.
    Major depressive disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

  3. #3




    When someone usually hates themselves it's because they have hard life experiences and met mean people. The personality has a lot to do too, some people are more fragile than others.

    I'm a sensitive person. In my past I was bullied and made fun of by my peers and random people. Mostly because of my race and the way I looked. I was brought up having to live up to my parents high exceptions. I spend most of my time alone, admiring and envying those people who are loved and respect by others, like my friends. While I wonder what's wrong with me and why can't I be someone else. Yet even though I'm not happy with myself and sometimes hate myself, I sorta like myself. After all, I am me and nothing will change that. No magical spell will grant me my wish of being someone else, so I might as well learn to accept myself.

    I feel you Leni.
    BlissfulDreams, Leni, Alima and 3 others thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Don't have a story to share, what I share is your current state of life. I don't get it though 'cause I was loved growing up, I had a good childhood & stuff. Depression runs in my family on both of my parents sides so I guess there's my answer. It has helped me in the past to see a therapist, something I am thinking of doing again. There are times when I think I can beat it by myself & I do pretty good, but I get my legs kicked out from underneath me easily & regress like you said. I feel a lot of shame in being depressed & I don't like taking medication.
    susurration, Alima and jamaix thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Leni View Post
    Is anyone else in such a state of actually despising theirself?If so,what went wrong?For instace,I was always shy as a kid,was quiet and kind towards my peers,yet they always seemed to ignore me and bully me,including my own brother,who was the exact opposite,he was..the bully,who bossed around others,didnt care about anything and anyone and still everyone adored him..including myself.For a period of 5 years I recovered from that behavior,I became "the cool one",and felt pretty well about myself.Now I'm 22 and I'm relapsing back to the person I was when I was 7..I'm insecure,I'm always nice to everyone(I know people but have no real friends),when I'm around anyone I admire I feel like crap,though I'm not bad looking,I feel like a monster,and I can't even speak properly.I almost feel like someone is doing me the honour to be around me.I hate hearing my own voice,I hate torturing someone to listen to the shit I have to say,I hate baring someone to look at my stupid face.If anyone happens to feel somewhat similar to this,I'd like to hear about their story..
    There are many reasons someone could hate themselves. I am going to focus one the one I read in your message. As a child you were bullied even by your brother. That causes pain that is often to much for a child to understand especially at age seven. Children at that age can't understand that people bully because of their own defect not because there is something wrong with their target. The first thing that most bully young bully victims think is they are being mistreated because they are defective. That thanking leads to self hatred. After all the child is seeing everyone else hating them so they "Learn" to hate themselves.

    Often people can "recover" from the bullying situation for a period of time. That is quiet common. While you have recovered in the sense that you can now stand up for yourself and you can blend in, you have not recovered from the initial damage that was done to you. What needs to be done is to face what happed to you as a child with adult eyes. To fully come to know from your heart that you were always lovable even as a child when all the abuse was going on. You are lovable now and you were lovable then. But to say that and feel that are two very different things. It may take a very long time for you to feel that you are lovable. You will have a very hard time believing this but you are lovable. I would love to walk you through some steps to help you overcome this feeling.
    Leni, Entropic, EccentricSiren and 1 others thanked this post.

  6. #6

    I guess it would be easy to blame my "childhood" for hating myself now, but I can't help feeling it's just an excuse and by suggesting it is I hate myself more for being unable to get past the excuse. Happiness is all in your head yet it's so hard to do!

    So here's my brief life story - great childhood with loving family (though dad works away), mum has car crash causing permanent damage to her shoulder and shortly after I hit my head and suffer amnesia. I awoke aged 13 in a park and the first three people I met lied to me, if that isn't enough to make you insecure I don't know what is! I could walk and talk but had no idea of acceptable behavior and no memory of people or events and my mum was on too many pain killers to think about getting me counseling or whatever - in fact to this day she doesn't believe I have amnesia.

    So I grew up in school around teenage boys, all I did was try to fit in. I repeatedly failed but kept trying, and inevitably I was very nieve and the butt of many jokes. I was so involved trying to be normal and fit in that I neglected any kind of personal development, and only at age 23 having been kicked out of suicidal depression by a lovely girl who somehow noticed it at work did I decide that the human race isn't all evil, and that I should probably have a life. That was 2.5 years ago, I still don't.

    Also as my mum was injured I helped my younger sister lots and she has grown up to be everything I dislike in girls, I've carried the responsibility for this - I've already failed at being a parent while at such a young age anyone would. My mum also praised me for being grown up which enforces being sensible, not having fun, so I am still a very dull person. I've gotten better in the past couple of months after going on a self discovery holiday, but I'm still dull.

    So effectively I have a 12 year old mind in a 25 year old body and usually act like I'm 30+ What's not to love Couple that with an intense dislike of burdening others with my problems and reluctance to "waste" money on therapy and you get a self sustaining ball of self loathing that is only temporarily relieved when I find a special girl who is inevitably scared off before even asking her out. Then I go a little deeper into my hole... (I'm lucky there have only been 2.5 of these)

    Thanks for the thread - I needed to vent somewhere.
    EccentricSiren and jamaix thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by asmit127 View Post
    I guess it would be easy to blame my "childhood" for hating myself now, but I can't help feeling it's just an excuse and by suggesting it is I hate myself more for being unable to get past the excuse. Happiness is all in your head yet it's so hard to do!

    So here's my brief life story - great childhood with loving family (though dad works away), mum has car crash causing permanent damage to her shoulder and shortly after I hit my head and suffer amnesia. I awoke aged 13 in a park and the first three people I met lied to me, if that isn't enough to make you insecure I don't know what is! I could walk and talk but had no idea of acceptable behavior and no memory of people or events and my mum was on too many pain killers to think about getting me counseling or whatever - in fact to this day she doesn't believe I have amnesia.

    So I grew up in school around teenage boys, all I did was try to fit in. I repeatedly failed but kept trying, and inevitably I was very nieve and the butt of many jokes. I was so involved trying to be normal and fit in that I neglected any kind of personal development, and only at age 23 having been kicked out of suicidal depression by a lovely girl who somehow noticed it at work did I decide that the human race isn't all evil, and that I should probably have a life. That was 2.5 years ago, I still don't.

    Also as my mum was injured I helped my younger sister lots and she has grown up to be everything I dislike in girls, I've carried the responsibility for this - I've already failed at being a parent while at such a young age anyone would. My mum also praised me for being grown up which enforces being sensible, not having fun, so I am still a very dull person. I've gotten better in the past couple of months after going on a self discovery holiday, but I'm still dull.

    So effectively I have a 12 year old mind in a 25 year old body and usually act like I'm 30+ What's not to love Couple that with an intense dislike of burdening others with my problems and reluctance to "waste" money on therapy and you get a self sustaining ball of self loathing that is only temporarily relieved when I find a special girl who is inevitably scared off before even asking her out. Then I go a little deeper into my hole... (I'm lucky there have only been 2.5 of these)

    Thanks for the thread - I needed to vent somewhere.
    You have a lot of things going on at many different levels. To lose your memories had to be traumatic for sure. Then to have an unavailable mother and then to have to raise you sister was hard. What you have been though reminds me of a tangled spider web. You did not need the stress of having to raise your sister. I would suggest to vent about and vent as often as possible to get all that out of you. I would also suggest to take the time and expense to see a therapist. There are multitude of issues you need to work through.
    Entropic and jamaix thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by xxstrange1xx View Post


    When someone usually hates themselves it's because they have hard life experiences and met mean people. The personality has a lot to do too, some people are more fragile than others.

    I'm a sensitive person. In my past I was bullied and made fun of by my peers and random people. Mostly because of my race and the way I looked. I was brought up having to live up to my parents high exceptions. I spend most of my time alone, admiring and envying those people who are loved and respect by others, like my friends. While I wonder what's wrong with me and why can't I be someone else. Yet even though I'm not happy with myself and sometimes hate myself, I sorta like myself. After all, I am me and nothing will change that. No magical spell will grant me my wish of being someone else, so I might as well learn to accept myself.

    I feel you Leni.

    yea those high ass expectations social standards fuckin suck so bad

    you need to find yourself be happy with yourself first no matter what your not a loser when your happy even if that is being homeless

    homeless was one of the best experiences iv had more than once

    i then re cherished alot of what i had and what i can do when you have shit....... people take advantage its apparently a human thing
    jamaix and Jeff Felis thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Of course, when you're useless there comes a point where despising yourself is the only logical reaction.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by Leni View Post
    Is anyone else in such a state of actually despising theirself?If so,what went wrong?For instace,I was always shy as a kid,was quiet and kind towards my peers,yet they always seemed to ignore me and bully me,including my own brother,who was the exact opposite,he was..the bully,who bossed around others,didnt care about anything and anyone and still everyone adored him..including myself.For a period of 5 years I recovered from that behavior,I became "the cool one",and felt pretty well about myself.Now I'm 22 and I'm relapsing back to the person I was when I was 7..I'm insecure,I'm always nice to everyone(I know people but have no real friends),when I'm around anyone I admire I feel like crap,though I'm not bad looking,I feel like a monster,and I can't even speak properly.I almost feel like someone is doing me the honour to be around me.I hate hearing my own voice,I hate torturing someone to listen to the shit I have to say,I hate baring someone to look at my stupid face.If anyone happens to feel somewhat similar to this,I'd like to hear about their story..
    No offense, but you're basically a narcissist. Let me explain.. a lot of people are. You view yourself in the third person, that's what I mean. You have no image of yourself apart from how culture views you. You're egocentric. Again, no offense. People go through this, it's a stage. Especially at your age, but some people last for a lot longer. It all depends on how well culture sees them. If they are "lucky" enough to be loved by culture and fit in pretty well, they won't even notice a problem until they get older and people start to lose interest in them as their beauty and popularity fades. And hey, then it will last even longer still as everyone fights that final, futile battle to hang on.

    Peace will come when you accept your own failure in the eyes of the world. You'll never keep up. You'll never be good enough. And that's when you've been living your life for someone else all this time, you've been living for other people, trying to please them and be someone in the world and whatnot. But what about... you? Who are you? Who were you when you were a little kid and you didn't care what anyone thought? It's time to re-discover that side of you. And this is difficult, because it's been dead for so long you don't even know who the hell you are anymore. It's as if a forest fire came along and destroyed everything, and you're life is just charred, smoldering wreckage.

    But you want to know the answer of how to find yourself? Do what you want to do. If you enjoy something, do it. It doesn't matter what it is. It can be posting on PerC. It can be watching TV. This is going to be a journey. Everything you do, do it from within, do it because you like doing it, regardless of all outcome. Yes, you need to keep paying your bills and such, but otherwise, the world is yours, there are no obligations. Cut ties with your old ways, including your old friends. They'll be mad, but that's because you aren't who you want them to be anymore. This is all going to feel selfish, and that's ok. This life is yours. You only get one, and you are going to die at the end and then it won't matter. You might as well enjoy it. You might as well do as you please.


 

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