I realize some of my recent topics haven't been real good discussion material but I still enjoy getting input from the people around here so if you don't like it, go somewhere else
nah i'm kidding, your all cool
I don't know how many of you can relate to this, and it's kind of hard to explain but I'll try.
When I was younger and I would visit my grandma should would always try to give me money as I left, and I would try to decline but she would tell me that it would make her feel bad if I didn't accept it. At the time I really didn't understand but I think I've begun to know how she felt.
I think my reasons are a bit more selfish though. Because of the things I've done in my past I am constantly seeking redemption. And when I am able to do something for someone else it helps fill the emptiness inside of me even if only for a short while. So when I make offers to help someone and they decline I feel guilty like I failed at being a decent person. I realize I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but the damage I've done to others can never be repaid by a few token gestures.
Does this make sense? I mean I can't believe that even when I am trying to do something nice I see myself as being selfish. Maybe this will help people understand why it sounds like I am often preaching, because I really am much harder on myself than I am with the rest of you.