Self esteem and where to attach it to.

Everyone has different levels of self esteem and some people get it from all sorts of things. Some people can feel good about themselves because they have made lots of money, but what would happen if they lost it all? Some people have made great achievements, but what happens when they find out that many people have accomplished the same thing? Well they would loose thier self esteem. Or how about someone who got theirs from being beautiful, but they got some kind of disease or had a bad surgery that would make them ugly. If this person attached all their self esteem on beauty, then it would be all lost.

So the question that is on my mind is, what part of the self should one attach their esteem?

On non-physical things, clearly. On things that come from the 'self', from inside. Patience, kindness, forgiveness, thoughtfulness, these qualities can last forever.
If we go on holiday, it is not the Manager of the hotel we remember most, because of their richness, and authority, and achievements, it is the Staff, because of their hospitality, because of the kindness they showed and their manners. Hopefully.

It is my understanding that self esteem comes from the large conglomerate of things that make up one's self. If the only part of yourself you see as worthy of value is your physical appearance, you have some serious issues. But that doesn't mean you can't have some amount of self esteem in your appearance either.

As someone who has difficulty with the concept of inherent value, I value the parts of myself that I see as most useful, both to myself and to society. So I value my intelligence, creativity, open mindedness, work ethic, various skills, knowledge, compassion, honesty, trustworthiness, diversity, cleanliness, sexual prowess and physical appearance. All of these things can be a source of self esteem for me, so if I lost any one or two of them I'd still be relatively okay. If I became ugly, uncreative and less honest then at least I'd still know that I'm intelligent, hard working and sexual (at least, I think I am). The important thing is not to let any one of your many traits that you value overwhelm the other good qualities you have. Be flexible in how you value yourself.

I think it'd be nice if it came from what you've done and hopefully these things you continue to do that help you out (and others too). It seems like doing and the act of it is immensely more important than physical things that are kept. Just the fact that it was done and it was real...the experience. The continued learning form experiences. There's always an avenue to self-esteem! Five senses then some? Hmmm...

My self-esteem comes from helping others, being dependable, being independent, being with others, things I am trying out for experience, what I've done in the past that's been successful, when I speak confidently, putting on a nice outfit, being in the zone (utter focus and sincere desire to learn or perform without self-consciousness), learning values and applying them in real life (this one is tough for me), sticking with routines, finding things or people I really like with a reason, having an adventure or taking a fun detour every once in awhile, following through, planning and organizing, getting recognition or sincere compliments, when things make sense and connect (happens to an Ne inferior sometimes too! :P) and it could come in many ways.

Originally Posted by Daithi

Everyone has different levels of self esteem and some people get it from all sorts of things. Some people can feel good about themselves because they have made lots of money, but what would happen if they lost it all? Some people have made great achievements, but what happens when they find out that many people have accomplished the same thing? Well they would loose thier self esteem. Or how about someone who got theirs from being beautiful, but they got some kind of disease or had a bad surgery that would make them ugly. If this person attached all their self esteem on beauty, then it would be all lost.

So the question that is on my mind is, what part of the self should one attach their esteem?

Your question makes it apparent that you cannot attach your self esteem entirely to one thing. You have to be balanced, and root your self esteem into multiple facets of your life. Taking pride in your work, the depth/authenticity of your relationships, and your overall success as an individual can all contribute to your self esteem. It would be a mistake to place all your eggs in one basket, so to speak.

Nothing, self esteem culture is an overrated fad of our day.

If you aren't confident then you aren't, nor do you have to be.
If you're an underachiever than you're an underachiever you don't need to call yourself "special" or "unique" because you're not.

These "non problem" problems only come up because people of this age do not have to worry about the basic necessities of life, so instead of enjoying this abundance they feel the need to create problems for themselves to solve to create some sort self worth.

Just be.

I found some interesting stuff to read on Self-esteem - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia there. By the standards listed in this article, I have low self-esteem. Go figure.

Something that can't be lost without dying....so maybe the brain or the heart or an organ of some kind.

Down-under...

No really, the definition assumes some criterion that is minimally comparable. By comparable, I mean that it has multiple instances/grades of data points to contrast against. OP pointed out external metrics which by nature is subject to the volatility of external norms that both shift and are out of one's control (that which was "beautiful" this season is antiquated the next). Note that the concept of self-esteem implies a feeling judgment, its attitude-type, and it's relation to the superstructure of the ego (mostly the dom function) which may or may not be extroverted.

e.g. Inferior Fe would contrast Ti's intellect with that of other intellects. Inferior Fi would contrast Te's accomplishments with whether they reached their own potential. Dom Fi will highlight times when its own value-system were tested and found consistent (self-righteous?). Dom Fe will highlight times when it successfully navigated an external value system (connected two other people for example).

Originally Posted by Temur

Nothing, self esteem culture is an overrated fad of our day.

If you aren't confident then you aren't, nor do you have to be.
If you're an underachiever than you're an underachiever you don't need to call yourself "special" or "unique" because you're not.

These "non problem" problems only come up because people of this age do not have to worry about the basic necessities of life, so instead of enjoying this abundance they feel the need to create problems for themselves to solve to create some sort self worth.

Just be.

I see where your coming from, but its not that easy for some. Its not something I can ignore. I have an INTJ mother who has no idea what I am talking about when I talk about my low self esteem. And I noticed you are an ENTJ. So that must be a T thing or something. I think each personality has their own problems. I think feelers can be more prone self esteem issues.
So as I build my self esteem, I think it is a good question to ask, where to attach it to. I think these answers are really helpful.