Why I don't want to have babies!

I can't say I've always wanted children, I too worry about losing sight of myself and the responsibilites that come with having children.. People have told me all my life that I'm a bit of a flake so the idea of being responsible of something small and fragile and making a mistake is scary!

That said, I'm getting closer to 30 and my partner and I have been looking at display homes that we might want built, I've been thinking about what I want home to be like and I really do want to fill it with love, sappy as it sounds.. never realised it but as much as I want a life lived, I also want a life shared. My parents were unhappy in their lives so I think I'd feel much better if I saw a family where couples kept their identities and intimacy with each other while raising children.

I have two daughters, the older one is four years old now, and the little one is about to turn one. I have a lot of trouble dealing with the constant attention that they both seem to need. I love time to myself, and now I hardly get any. I have anxiety and depression already, I have for a long time, and my girls definitely don't help. To be 100% honest, I wish I had given my oldest up for adoption. It's nothing against her exactly - I was 19 when I had her, and her father was quite a piece. I did everything myself, she was colicky (so she cried...and cried...and cried...for hours...mostly at night...and nothing helped...), he was never around, in fact, he went to jail for like three months when she was a young baby still. I researched adoption and almost did it - but my Mom stopped me, and told me I was a coward. I still regret it to this day. I simply do not have the energy or the enthusiasm to provide her with the extra parenting that she needs. She is my 'problem child', lol. We never bonded. Well, I never bonded with her. Her little sister, I have been infatuated with her father since before I was pregnant with my first, I have wanted her forever. She drives me bananas at times - sometimes she's really grouchy and just wants to yell at me, other times, she's super clingy and cries if I leave her for a minute or two - but I bonded with her and am totally in love with her. If she were my first, I would probably be trying for another in a year or two. I'll be 24 in August, and motherhood is much better this time around. But, I still often wish I were living a child-free life. I've never liked children much, and like I said, have always valued and preferred alone time. But it's whatever. They're here now, I'm trying to make the best of it and have as much fun as I can, because one day they'll be grown up (...THANNKS GOD. >_>) and out of my hair. Mostly. Bottom line, if you don't seriously want kids, not just the fun part, but you're willing to put up with the shitting up the back, and being peed and pooped on, and vomited on, and drooled on, and bathing this tiny, slippery human being for whom you are totally responsible for, the nasty smeling 'Garden Vegetable' baby food...if you are sure you're not up for that right now, don't have kids. Kudos to you :)

Dear OP, I used to be like you. But then I grew up, met the right guy, got to the right point in my life, and everything changed. Yeah, sleeping on my side is tough and uncomfortable, and yes I've (temporarily) had to dial things back, exercise-wise. I used to think I'd freak out about the changes in my body, but I'm finding I don't really care that much; this child will be so worth it. It helps, too, when you're with an amazing guy who says, "It's just wrapping paper, anyway."

But it's also cool if you never change your mind. We're all different and that's why there are a range of choices out there. :)

Originally Posted by Boss

Unintelligent...possibly...that can be considered an unintelligent comment on your end;)...

Oops, I didn't make myself clear. Of course I was talking about myself. Your points were valid. Labeling something as "stupid" as I did without any reasoning is unintelligent, but I felt like saying it just 'coz. Hence the unintelligence behind my conversation.

Anyway, pedantic knit-picking aside, I see your point on the the aesthetics behind pregnant women. On the other hand, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I suppose the beauty of pregnant women is something we do not see eye to eye on.
Weak, I guess is not the correct word then. Physically vulnerable, yes. And that is something I personally find unappealing.

Originally Posted by iemanja

Oops, I didn't make myself clear. Of course I was talking about myself. Your points were valid. Labeling something as "stupid" as I did without any reasoning is unintelligent, but I felt like saying it just 'coz. Hence the unintelligence behind my conversation.

Anyway, pedantic knit-picking aside, I see your point on the the aesthetics behind pregnant women. On the other hand, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I suppose the beauty of pregnant women is something we do not see eye to eye on.
Weak, I guess is not the correct word then. Physically vulnerable, yes. And that is something I personally find unappealing.

I didn't mean the 'unintelligent' part too seriously Well, my views on beauty are material for whole another thread. I find any kind of vulnerability intensely unappealing, but that's besides the point. Do most pregnant women feel physically vulnerable? Not really. Would I feel physically vulnerable if I were pregnant? Absolutely not. I am not talking the appearance of physical vulnerability. The word 'fragile' was in, many ways, a reference to life growing inside the pregnant woman (As evidenced in her growing belly). Anyway, I am sure that has clarified my position.