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My First Writing Attempt

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This is a discussion on My First Writing Attempt within the General Chat forums, part of the The Cafe Lounge category; Anything you want to read :) and to write, just write :)...

  1. #11

    Anything you want to read :) and to write, just write :)

  2. #12

    @Sir Pattalot

    I'd recommend Every Writer's Resource for flash examples. They keep a weekly stream of flash fiction on their site and if you brushed up your piece to their standards they'd likely accept your work as a submission.

    I'd recommend watching a movie that you like, preferably an art film (Virgin Suicides, anything Copolla or Tacharkovsky comes to mind). The reason I recommend an "art" film is that despite the nostalgic and wistful, florid elements there is still a pacing towards and end result, or action. An event needs to occur or have happened that is worthy of consideration, no matter the length or media with which it is presented.

    Here is an example of the kind of flash that gets published.

    And here is an example of the kind of prose that wants to be flash and summarily gets rejected by an editorial review.

    If you can tell me what the difference between the two is then you're on your way to understanding why your story is very close to being complete but not yet whole.

  3. #13

    TL;DR...Just kidding.

    I enjoyed it. I am not a writing major or critic or anything; the content itself did not really mean much to me. What I enjoyed is that there was no poverty of thought and it was vivid, it was a SOLID soliloquy, something that is sorely missing in modern literature.

    Don't be disheartened that the content didn't mean much to me, that's not was a soliloquy is about, it's about how your feelings and experience are described, so again, I enjoyed it. Keep it up.

  4. #14
  5. #15

    You tell us the protagonist is on the edge of insanity and depressed but you don't show us. The voice of the text is (someone else said this too) like words strung together. There's no personality to your person, no endearing traits, just a cloud of self involved gloom and this makes it very hard to sympathise let alone care about he/she is going through.

    You're writing in first person too, which is hard to get right/realistic. Each person has their own thoughts and they're rarely ordered and can be very harsh, or even shocking. You have to know your character inside out to pull it off.

    For example 'Here I am the result of a broken commitments, broken promises and broken minds.' isn't something I can imagine someone thinking to themselves monotonously, which is the tone of your text to me. Putting sarcasm or bitterness or any kind of human emotion in here would make it seem more human, and therefore relatable.

    I found a good page I bookmarked a while ago about showing characterisation The Strongest Form of Characterization check out the comments section too for some good examples.

    A note, when I say you have a monotonous tone I mean that your writing sort of meanders along without any clear indication of direction or turbulance, where turbulance is anything that breaks out of the tone of the text.
    CreepyArcher thanked this post.


     
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