Suicide

Yes. I went through what my counselor called "suicidal gestures" rather than attempts, because I didn't take enough pills, and I knew this. It was sort of like Russian roulette.
After having four kids I knew in high school commit suicide, seeing the effect it had on sooooo many people, made me realize how truly selfish and powerful the act is, and totally changed my views on it. But I can understand those feelings of wanting to just end it all.
I think that suicidal thoughts are a lot more common than most people think, it's just no one wants to talk about it/feels too embarrassed or ashamed to admit to it, so people go on keeping the thoughts to themselves and feeling "bad" and isolated.

Tried, failed; tried, failed; tried, failed; got the picture.

I was overwhelmed by my emotions and in an immense amount of pain. Finally inknow that I am here for a reason! I firmly believe that, and I intend on sticking around

There was a time in my life when i seriuously was thinking of committing one but then i thought why should i die ? it means i lose why not make them lose ? i will win and i will live think like that

Originally Posted by AlijahEatsBabies

has anyone here every contemplated suicide?

yes, starting when I was a teenager.

if yes how often, and for what ?

On and off for years, some years not as much. I had a bad bout in my 20's that lasted 18 months, and then another in my mid-30's that went about the same length, where every night I had to fight to stay alive. Things changed when I started cutting, and then I just realized I needed to make changes in my life or things were not going to end well. I was very tough, but decades of that garbage will wear anyone down.

For me, it was more a matter of feeling like I was not living my own life but trying to please everyone else, and I was miserable. I am a great adapter and mirror, to flex to any situation; but some types of flexing, while effective, were bad for me on a personal level and my overall happiness factor. I was scared to make changes, though, because I was afraid of making the wrong decisions in life and of being rejected by family and friends and losing a lot of what I had worked for over the years. Finally I reached that point where I realized I had to decide whether I was going to start living or finish dying, and I wanted to live. The depression was because I wanted to live but felt I couldn't; in the end, I chose to live and took my chances.

Haven't really any suicidal ideations since make those decisions, aside from some of the rejections that occurred and me having to find new people who loved and trusted me as a good person and who I felt safe just being myself around.

Originally Posted by Modifier

There was a time in my life when i seriuously was thinking of committing one but then i thought why should i die ? it means i lose why not make them lose ? i will win and i will live think like that

Yes, anger is more useful than despair.

Other thoughts:

One doesn't know whether or not departing to the other side will mean a better life, it may not.

I read that 95% of people who jumped off the golden gate bridge and survived, didn't attempt suicide a second time.

I mentioned in an ISTP thread, that the vast majority of suicide/depression patients were introverts, which is another factor to consider, one's perspective of the world.

I used to think about constantly, but now it's sort of stagnated. I think of it like, if you only experience suffering in life, the opposite of life is death and you want the opposite of suffering so death becomes synonymous with peacefulness, and happiness. I don't believe in an afterlife though so it's more of an ending to the suffering, there will be no happiness, no matter what, but death can at least substitute and relieve me of the suffering. After endless, countless failures you just want to stop trying. Plus there's the being alone with my thoughts factor, I have no problem with that except whenever there were people near, or that were supposed to guide and support, they instead were cruel and cold and I guess that's why I like being alone, don't like or trust people, and like escaping into books.

I always think about the difference between people who kill themselves and people who constantly think about it, and I think they are very different. I think the longer you dwell on it the less likely you are to actually go through with it because it's something you need guts, and maybe even impulsiveness to do. The one's who don't go through with it do so due to hope.

Yes, I have, since I was 10. So a good...11 years?
I've attempted 3 times.

Yeah, depression blows.

I noticed that INF's are overrepresented in suicide stats, so I don't think that impulsivity is an overwhelming factor in decision making. Females are more likely to think about and attempt, whilst males are more likely to succeed in their attempts. I haven't read much about enneagram type stats, but I can see that 4's and 5's are most likely to post in this thread.

Generally, I never think about it. There's too much going on to think about such things for me.


But...there was a time in middle school where I thought about it, and a time in high school where I became someone I'm not (wasn't trying to, I basically turned into some sort of insane psychotic INFP) and there was no explanation for it, and I hated who I was and I couldn't find a way to go back to who I was, and I tried killing myself then, because I wanted that person to go away for good.

I mean, just as long as I don't become a completely different person again, I can say that I'm just hunky-dory.

Originally Posted by ItsEvan

Mm... I can't say whether I have done such a thing or not, but I can say that my experience with it is allowing me to think of a possible theory where it's a function to root out unproductive members of society that don't belong.

It's not that I'm callous to people who feel that way, but I believe that society has a misconstrued perception of what creates a contributive member and who doesn't.

"that don't belong"

What about the kids who kill themselves because of being bullied intensely at school? It occurs because they don't belong? Or do they do it simply because they feel they don't belong.

A lot of decent people commit or try to commit suicide, doesn't mean they don't belong, I think it's mostly due to them feeling as though they don't belong. Which is a shame.