Small Talk

de l'eau salée

What exactly would be considered "small talk?"

Trope

Hey Sil, how's the weather?

snail

What's up? How are you? Lovely weather, isn't it? No? (Okay, I guess I'll say it's kind of cold, since you think so. I only mentioned weather because it's something we can both observe easily and were likely to agree about.) Yeah, I suppose you're right. It is a bit chilly. Hmm... nice clothes. Where did you get that chartreuse tie? (I don't really care, but I am trying to point out simple observations to avoid the "awkward" silence that extraverts can't stand, just in case you are one and will silently judge me for making you uncomfortable enough to think of me as unfriendly.) Oh really, are they having a sale? ...uh...yeah...of course I like it. (How can I change the subject to avoid any further lying?) So, what did you do last weekend? Went out with your girlfriend. I see. Where did you go? (Pretend to care about the what more than the why, or he'll think you're prying.) Ah, then what did you do? (The "do" is always more important to ask about than the "feel" or "think" because once you get into those, it's borders on large talk instead of small talk, and nobody wants to have to express anything too meaningful.)

As you notice, the best approach is to act like an ESF_ type, and you will get the hang of making small talk.

de l'eau salée

But how else would you converse with someone you just met or you're not very good friends with? I don't necessarily like small talk, but I use it just for the sake of trying to get to connect with the person better. I'm bad enough with conversations as it is, but I kinda rely on small talk sometimes for the sake of avoiding awkward silence.

snail

As a first step, it offers a non-threatening way to start a conversation, but if it continues to be used regularly after the initial introduction, it becomes tedious and leads to shallow relationships. I have a word for someone who only tends to make small talk: "acquaintance."

de l'eau salée

Meh, I suppose I only have acquaintances as friends then...

I ask "how are you?" to everybody I talk to because I actually want to know how they're doing.
If I ask someone how they are, and they say "good" and nothing else, I feel like they don't want to associate with me and they have better things to do than talk to me. It feels like they're making no effort at making conversation or getting to know each other better.

Happy

In college, I constantly hear the same thing... "Did you do your homework?" Answer yes or no. Did you?

Surreal Breakfast

Hi everybody, welcome to Small Talk, todays guests are Surreal Breakfast and Madam Ultraviolet Nostril Faerie of the Fudge

MUNFF: Doest thou dance The Monster Mash by thineself?
SB: Verily, as ye dance The Monster Mash together, I Monster Mash alone
MUNFF: (pauses)
SB: (awkward silence with a capital A)
MUNFF: Yip, see ya
SB: (6 seconds later) oh, bye

The End

alizée

i hate small talk. and i cant do it. im simply the biggest sucker in the world in small talk. it BORES me to death. i feel my brain cells literally being picked on with a sharp needle, one by one by one!!!

@Silhouetree: after u ask how they are doing try asking something that they can answer to. when ppl ask me how im doing i say *good* *excellent* just to get that question over with, then wait for the person to tell me what they really want

Numi

Yes, me too. I like the question "how are you?" and nearly always start conversation with it. But I want really know it, if the answer is just good, its good. But when the person has some problems he want tell me, he wouldnt say good, I think.
So I dont make that either when I am sad: I always said "crappy" or simple a "yes" with a big sigh.. ;)

/edit: Once I had the problem that i wanted to speak with somebody about my problems - but didnt know how to start.. he just wasnt asking how i am... that really sucked ;)
(i didnt know him that well, but he was one of the most emphathetic guys i ever met... normally - so that really was depressing )

But I tend to understand the question "how are you?" - when someone says that to me. that I have to tell him what Im doing at the moment (with strangers too, if im comfortable ;))

so He: hey, how are you?
Me: well, could be better. Just blew up today the most importent test this semester... and you?
He: Whaat? really? that sounds bad! What happend..
blablabla.. and the conversation is started ;)


I generelley dont hate smalltalk, sometimes its just fine, especielly with persons I dont know that well..
But yes, I much more like Why - Questions, and if the conversation partner is extroverted he normally has lots to tell.. ;)