Looks and Appearance

Originally Posted by thehigher

See, I'm like that too. I have really high standards when it comes to looks.... and it sucks. I guess I can't really change it.... but man.....I already have high standards in personality.....gah

Eh, I was like that as a teenager as well. Experience has taught me to the point of acceptance that looks are secondary.

There is an irony with waiting for someone who will likely disapprove of you. People have to be realistic with their expectations and not tenaciously insist on the improbable.

My methodology is to entrust almost anyone with a relationship, between them and I, to expediently assimilate an ample perspective of probabilities for possibilities. There are deficiencies in every discipline, but I think of mine as prosperous for a rational outlook.

Honestly, for a partner, I don't see anything wrong with being a little picky about looks.

HOWEVER, in the realm of friendship, that would be just vanity.

Is there where I can talk about cute boys?

Juuuust kidding.

This has always been a topic of interest to me, because its one of those things that makes me feel like an alien. For some reason I didn't become conditioned by culture, to prefer a guy who is 6"2 with rippling abs. I didn't watch television as a kid.. hell, the only media I was exposed to was at school.. and by that time, I was old enough to look at it all objectively. I can recall a time where my friends in middle school were cooing about some guys in a magazine together. They asked me what I thought, and I had zero opinion. (No, I'm not a lesbian. I had no attraction to women.) The guys just looked like.. some people whom I don't know. No desire was connected. Nothing was. It was the same way in this game they played.. details would be boring but the point is, I had to pick. I picked the guy who had the photo with the dog because I figured he likes animals.. and thats sweet.

As I got older, I began to realize that the guys I was interested in were considered unattractive, to my friends. "EWWW!!! HIIIM???" Which was a shock to me.. because I had no concept of what I was supposed to find attractive. I just knew my friends called my interests "geeks" and "nerds." Later in life I proudly accepted that is what I'm into, if you want to call it that. Intelligence. Someone who doesn't buy into society's bullshit. Someone who isn't afraid to be exactly who they are.

On the physical front, well.. I wasn't conditioned, like I said. Not by society. But, I was in a way. Refusing to be a slave to desires, and emotions, and especially instinct (being a slave to instinct I find particularly disgusting) - I sat down and thought about what I find attractive, and WHY. Since I didn't have the media to tell me what to find attractive, I had formed it on my own, and it was all about good vs. bad experiences and perceptions. Example: I identify a very muscly guy with aggressive behaviour. Turns me off. I don't need a guy to kill sabertooth tigers for me, so there is really no practical use for all of those muscles anyway. The idea of being attracted to something for an outdated, primitive need disgusts me, also. There are other similar examples that come from just bad experiences I have had, consistently.. like the redneck children who I grew up around, being stupid and aggressive - and fair haired/blue eyed. I started to subconsciously identify that with something negative.

So far as cultural standards of beauty - well, that is exactly what they are. They vary from culture to culture, and they change with time. Example: Haitian men find more weight on a woman sexy. I can think of several other instances as well. Even the scientists and psychologists who study human attraction will agree that they have only theories. -Theories- as to what most people are attracted to and why. There is lots of contradictory 'evidence' out there, and the bottom line is they will even say they aren't certain.

I think that people should think about this more and assess the potential damage that it does, to follow the cultural standards, because they have really gotten ridiculous! And promoting these by following them supports an unhealthy lifestyle that many people have to lead, in order to look this way. Because the message is very clear in this society.. that if you don't look a certain way, you will die alone. Lonely. - Which is really brilliant marketing. Billions of dollars pour into the cosmetics industry.. diet drugs.. you name it. What is everyone obsessed with? What is in their nature.. loving bonds between themselves and others. Convince the world they wont get it unless they look a certain way, and sell the look to them. Genius. Fucked up and ruining peoples lives though. So.. perhaps have a sit down and think about why you are attracted to what you are attracted to - and is it a positive thing? Can you change it if you want to? I certainly think you can. I know in my case, once I deem something as wrong, harmful, and irrational, it loses appeal.

The brain changes as we age, as does our perspective of the world and ourselves.
Ask yourselves why that is if you come up with "We are attracted to what we are attracted to, can't ask why..it just is"

If you're still attracted to what you liked in middle school, then your mind obviously hasn't expanded much, imo.
Because you grew up being and feeling pressured by what everyone else thought.
I also remember being picked on because I liked the "Weird" guys in school. Weird to them, was spectacular
and fascinating to me.

I encourage everyone to watch "They live" and maybe you'll understand what Promethea is talking about.
Some of you are more visual, so maybe it might sink in more after watching it.

You can call me paranoid if you like. I would rather be considered paranoid, than stupid and oblivious.
Look deeper into the surface of the media, and more importantly yourself.

Originally Posted by fiasco

I'm most attracted to people who are just average or plain-looking.
I think it makes them look non-threatening, endearing, human.
I don't mind people with "quirky" features either.

Some people say "Good for you, you're not a shallow person!" but I think in actuality it's just as shallow. Saying that you will only date a bigger person is the same as saying you will only date a thin person. Saying you wouldn't touch someone with a big nose is the same as saying you'd never consider dating someone with blonde hair. All the same.

It's all not too ideal, and either way shouldn't be so exaggerated that it's the #1 priority when searching for an SO, but I still don't think we can help what we are or are not attracted to, so we shouldn't beat ourselves up over it too much. Limiting oneself to appearance I believe is very different from being (or not being) attracted to something.

Judging a person by their looks is of course bad (and I don't do this).
Being attracted to a certain look over another is nature (and everyone does this).

I guess in many ways we are conditioned by society (or another environment) to find certain things attractive while other things unattractive, but as I'm not one of those people I can't really comment.

It is only shallow people
who do not judge
by appearance.

Originally Posted by avalanche183

It is only shallow people
who do not judge
by appearance.

You MUST be trollin'

Originally Posted by avalanche183

It is only shallow people
who do not judge
by appearance.

Can you please elaborate?

Originally Posted by avalanche183

It is only shallow people
who do not judge
by appearance.

Are you just trying to be contrary to create controversy, and seem like you have some edgy unpopular opinion? Or would you care to explain this statement?

“Charm may be false, and prettiness may be vain"
Prov. 31:30:

“As a gold nose ring in the snout of a pig, so is a woman that is pretty but that is turning away from sensibleness.” Proverbs 11:22

I really don't know if this has anything to do with the thread......
I think this is saying that a person may have beautiful wrappings but it doesn't mean
they have warming gift inside.....not that all good looking people are bad that is.