accusations rather than questions?

I would consider my living situation to be one filled with negativity. Ive noticed a trend in the way people around me argue and i would like some imput.

Basically what i have noticed is that rather than ask someone a question and take what they say, and process it, people are accusing and then based on your defense to their statement, they decide if their thought is correct. It doesnt have to even be an important thought. For example:

person 1) "you never load the dishwasher"
person 2) "i loaded it yesterday and friday too"
person 1) satisfied with response moves on to another topic

I guess what i dont understand is why initiate the conversation with an accusation rather than mentioning that they would like you to "load the dishwasher" or whatever the issue may be? (no this is not an actual scenario) I have noticed that i even have taken on these immature tactics with others whom then get very defensive and hurt. I dont want to resort to this kind of behavior. Is there a way, when confronted this way, to bring the conversation to a healthy point without deflecting?

Some possible reasons that come to mind are:

1) The person doesn't like you and wants to find reasons to be argumentative.
2) The person is making an observation but has poor perception.
3) The person never learned to ask questions in a non-accusatory manner.

Originally Posted by MNiS

Some possible reasons that come to mind are:

1) The person doesn't like you and wants to find reasons to be argumentative.
2) The person is making an observation but has poor perception.
3) The person never learned to ask questions in a non-accusatory manner.

you're hilarious.

Originally Posted by Mendi the ISFJ

you're hilarious.

What? I wasn't trying to be funny. I think your response is pretty funny though.

seriously? how was this not meant as humor: "3) The person never learned to ask questions in a non-accusatory manner." ?

Hey, I said possible reasons, not that those were the reasons. You're the only person in a position to understand why someone would start a conversation off with an accusations.

Originally Posted by MNiS

Hey, I said possible reasons, not that those were the reasons. You're the only person in a position to understand why someone would start a conversation off with an accusations.

the thing is that its not just one person, its several people and its annoying. i really am out of guesses.

Originally Posted by Mendi the ISFJ

the thing is that its not just one person, its several people and its annoying. i really am out of guesses.

Have you tried asking the people in question why they seem to accuse you instead of asking you? :p

Hey to the OP I know what u mean I had this same issue with my family and especially see it in romantic couples when they start to get annoyed with eachother over time. I think its sort of an angerabout the particular situation mixed with the belief that this person is goin to lie and cheat to take advantage of you even if you're "supposed" to trust them. So they try to take that oppurtunity away before it can happen, imo.

Originally Posted by Mendi the ISFJ

seriously? how was this not meant as humor: "3) The person never learned to ask questions in a non-accusatory manner." ?

I actually know people that have that kind of issue, although the actual motive can vary. In the case you described i would be tempted to classify it as them trying to voice some kind of stress related with their relationship with the other part.