[ESTP] Falling in Love vs. Process of Elimination

Falling in Love vs. Process of Elimination

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This is a discussion on Falling in Love vs. Process of Elimination within the ESTP Forum - The Doers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; Curious: As an ESTP do you feel you commit to an individual by way of "falling in love" with him/her ...

  1. #1
    ENTP

    Falling in Love vs. Process of Elimination

    Curious: As an ESTP do you feel you commit to an individual by way of "falling in love" with him/her or more via a process of elimination?
    Shea thanked this post.



  2. #2

    Both...As I am not good with deciphering my feelings(knocks me sideways out of nowhere when everyone else sees the obvious), I do recognize these;
    Happy
    Horny
    Irritated
    Tired
    Pissed

  3. #3
    ENTP

    Quote Originally Posted by ENIGMA15 View Post
    Both...As I am not good with deciphering my feelings(knocks me sideways out of nowhere when everyone else sees the obvious), I do recognize these;
    Happy
    Horny
    Irritated
    Tired
    Pissed
    That deciphering process then: Does it take time? If you have that fundamental disconnect, does the reconciliation between feelings and conclusion take you longer than most?

  4. #4

    I have to be in love to commit. There is that weird grey area I have been a few times dating but ultimately should have listened to my instincts. Simply in that it is easy for me to recognize actually being in love as its only happened hard 3xs in my life. And those were all people I had zero zero claustrophobia issues entering that 'relationship' stage with. Where as the few grey area people I had starter faze of relationships with it was just off. Questioning gut too much. Ie. I do not feel it much, obviously as its only happened 3xs in my life, but the way I feel in love, vs that weird awkward grey area are worlds from each other. So although I often do not know what the heck I am always feelings. Me in love is pretty significantly amplified from me in a grey area. And I generally just adore a partner and can get a gooey and want to follow them to the moon and back. Lol not even saying when I did fall in love it was with the best of people that is somewhat irrelevant tho for sake of topic. Me in love vs me not is night and day difference. I will say I am resilient if I fall out of love too tho because each time it was like whoosh bitch slap in the face literally, to me it takes hitting a serious low to make me fall out of love, but if someone hits there, done. Like boom! I can see clearly now the rain is gone, lol.

    You want to hear how I fell out of love each time in an instant...

    1. First love, high school. He was trying to test me when last we had interacted he wanted to be free. Then he came back around and wanted to test me by trying to temp fate with suggestions. Right then and there I thought nah. We had no commitment and he was the one who came back around (it was in his court to redeem himself to me, not test me). So I took off on motorcycle with his test rat, I think I made my point. Don't fuck with me and test me. If you do, you fail (not me).

    2. My ex husband. I just adored him dating, engaged, newly married. I loved our home our family what we made together. I was even happy being a stay at home mom, until this happened. My ex husband and I were on our way to go meet up and go to the town bizarre. He picked me up. Me at that time like getting in car etc was preoccupied with make up etc before going out. Driving down road he was wasted. I instantly tried to get him to pull over and let me drive. Well me being a lil ol firey woman really insulted his fragile ego with common sense like do not drive wasted, boom back handed me right crack across the face black and blue eye, and bloody lip. Right then that was the moment I could never respect him. I did actually try longer with him because we had a family together. Dumb dumb, tho alcoholics do not get better without treatment and effort. So got a few more lickings before I left for good there. I actually still love him tho (not in love), but love we had a family and kids together, and when he was not a drunk he was a great friend. So it still makes me quite sad.

    And ex boyfriend more recent. I actually had dated him like 3 years before and he was always in my thoughts. Lots of timing and conflicting things tho. We reconnected tho. Was pretty head over heels for him tho in general. One night after dating 3 months, right after we had sex he thought he should really strongly question me on the number of partners I have had. Really odd time still naked, right in the middle of pillow talk. I looked at him and was like, why? I continued with... This seems like irrelevant and counter productive information. He persisted. I warned I think somethings are better left not talked about. It was not even the number cannot be talked about but what a weird way to go about it. And the grilling, angst and demand in his voice. Anyways I warned I think it should just be left alone. He insisted. Right then actually was really when I fell out of love with him. Given knowing each other 3 years, and at that time already dating 3 months thats an odd time to demand that kind of info, and it was his tone. You need that info to validate you and what I am worth to you, after I have loved you, fine fuck you. Have the info. I do not love you anymore. So I told him completely smug and unapologetic, his sensitive poetic fragile disposition I knew could not handle it. You provoke me, I will deliver like a cunt. He broke my heart tho a few seconds later when he very cruelly character assassinated me based on how many people I have fucked. Really dude most of my bodily energy in life goes to other people, I work in health care and I am a single mom and I try everyday to put %110 in and you want to define my character based on sexual partner count. No you're the shitty person, and you're insecure as fuck, done. I might be a little on the slutty side, but a shitty person judges character based on sexual partner count. And to be riding on a moral high horse even tho its a double standard as he is a guy so he has exception to his exploits. And going on about degrading the self. Uh no never been degraded by any previous partners more or by my own actions then how you just degraded me after making love and speaking to me in such a manner, while I was physically and emotionally naked. Sack of shit.

    Anyways figured as far as the subject goes might be relevant to state how I fall out of love. Not just in love. But yeah I know if I am in love. I also know as soon as I fall out. And that weird grey area I should just stay away from as I should by now recognize its not love for me because when I fall I fall hard.
    Last edited by Sensational; 01-14-2017 at 07:43 PM.
    Shea thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ENTP

    Quote Originally Posted by Sensational View Post
    I have to be in love to commit.
    Anyways figured as far as the subject goes might be relevant to state how I fall out of love. Not just in love. But yeah I know if I am in love. I also know as soon as I fall out. And that weird grey area I should just stay away from as I should by now recognize its not love for me because when I fall I fall hard.
    Re: Your 3rd example/boyfriend. Insecurity is a deal breaker for me as well. And I can't fault you in the least for the first two cases (nor would anyone, likely) either!

    The above. Do you fall in live instantly? Or is it something that evolved? For example: In the case #3, the boyfriend you dated and then came back to. Did you realize the first time you were in love with him? But recognized the timing was off?
    Sensational thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by ACK24 View Post
    Re: Your 3rd example/boyfriend. Insecurity is a deal breaker for me as well. And I can't fault you in the least for the first two cases (nor would anyone, likely) either!

    The above. Do you fall in live instantly? Or is it something that evolved? For example: In the case #3, the boyfriend you dated and then came back to. Did you realize the first time you were in love with him? But recognized the timing was off?
    1st love was not instant it was over time we were friends. (But we were young)

    Yes the 2nd and 3rd guys for sure. Instant.
    Yes I fell in love with the 3rd guy right away. Just knew the timing was off.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by ACK24 View Post
    That deciphering process then: Does it take time? If you have that fundamental disconnect, does the reconciliation between feelings and conclusion take you longer than most?
    Yes and No. With my current SO it was an uninhibited kind of thing. He is ISTP to the extreme so, it was not common behavior for him either. Somewhere along the way we got in our own ways (if that makes sense) and the processing stage commenced full force. I think it really just scared the hell out of both of us. I am not sure of your ages or anything else....It could be a combo in his/her case or you are a play thing. Varies with lack of information.
    ACK24 thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ENTP

    I'm late 30s he's early 40s.... Both of us are fairly recently divorced. He says the timing is off for him. That he's focusing on things other than committed romantic relationships.

    He'll plan elaborate dates, cook me thoughtful meals, send extremely thoughtful/complimentary texts, ask that I leave things at his house, etc, etc. But I really don't hear from him often (once a week-ish) and see him even less (once a month or so). I just leave him be wondering if he's just trying to reconcile whatever is going on for him, but the net result is that even though I don't want a committed relationship.. I don't like feeling like I'm being shelved in between visits either. And he knows this.

    Which means I likely just need to move on entirely. Sad. Because even he has noted this as "something special".
    Shea thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Well, I personally do not have much experience in 'love', nor do I reflect upon it. Additionally, I am probably one of the more younger inexperienced ESTPs on this forum.

    My commitment is primarily influenced by a shared upholding of responsibilities between my partner and I. Almost like an agreement? Until that agreement is broken, I remain committed. "Falling in love" for me is code-word for, "let's get freaky"...

    I don't really like using or thinking about 'love'. I think it emotionally blinds people. I view attraction between people as dynamic, which many 'happy endings' in movies fail to captivate. You don't see the next 40 years of marriage after the romantic couple kisses and the film ends.

    Regarding my life, I have been dating the same INFJ girl for almost 3 years now. So take that as you will.
    She makes me happy, is truth-worthy, sexually satisfies me, and is goal-future oriented. Until she proves other-wise, I do not see any benefit of adventuring.
    Shea and ENIGMA15 thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Walk away and revisit when you are not recently divorced. I would never date someone that had not been divorced at least a year.


     
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