[maenad]

Ooh, I can explain this perfectly. Some, ESTPs tend to fall into different psychological issues such as Narcissm, Psychopathy, ADHD, and Bipolar. NPD, which I am has a problem with detachMent(not getting close to others), so is bipolar disorder due to the fact I am also one we tend to withdraw Emotionally and not want to be around others when depressed. As for psychopathy and ADHD, we are a type that needs to keep ourselves occupied mentally or we get board.



Speaking for myself, I tend to be a all(either playing the field or committed)or nothing type of guy. People tend to think ESTPs are liars based off our description, this is untrue we just don't like talking about our feelings or problems. Did he specifically tell you what his type was or did you assume based of generalizations, which is very common for most people?

[elvis2010]

I understand not all ESTP are the same, of course not. I wonder now if hes an ENTP instead. I wish i knew if those accusations of what an ESTP are correct, i was asking you guys for your feedback, but apparently i cant even ask those questions without sounding judgmental about it. Makes sense. But i didnt make up the list of traits. Definitely doesnt make some personality types look good when you read on sites the bad traits about them and hear that some are unfaithful, etc. I really wonder about this guy.. But it looks like you guys cant answer my questions because basically, if anyone answered them and said it were true, it would just make that person, and the rest of you look kinda bad. Sucks. But true.

I can't speak for everyone, but I really don't care if I look badly. What I am sick of with Fs is that when they feel badly, they look for anyone to blame to feel better. They come on here asking for help when they really want to do is dump their bad feelings on us. We had one young whiny INFP brat come on this forum and basically say her entire life was ruined by bullying ESTPs which included leaders in her church. Every ESTP who read her comments were like "ESTP as church leaders? Are you effing kidding me?"

I actually tried to help this girl at first by telling her that a lot of things she was complaining about could be improved if she had a better attitude. She got all hurt and then another INFP lectured me on being more sensitive and how INFPs needed support when they are feeling down.

Now, Snow Dove, this has nothing to do with you. But when we have another F coming here, and especially another INFP, asking for help and wanting to know the truth about us, we are all like, "Here we go again." Are you really seeking truth and help or do you want to be told something to grab onto so that if it doesn't work out between the two of you, you can say, "All you ESTPs are assholes."

That said, I don't see how it could work between you two. For an INFP and ESTP to work, they would both have to be EXTREMELY mature with their third and fourth functions. Just using myself as an example in comparison to you at your age, I wouldn't have been mature enough/open minded enough to handle a relationship with an INFP, so I doubt (not know just doubt) that another person could be that mature with their third and fourth functions at 22. And your ESTP partner doesn't seem to be terribly mature either.

Let me give you one example of the type of maturity I am talking about, "And ESTP i hear can be people who get what they want no matter what." That is a really immature comment. Do ESTPs get what they want more so than other types? Yes. But do you know how we do so? We work to the bone even doing work we hate, help other people get what they want, and bust through conventional wisdom that is wrong even if it means dealing with a shit storm from people hell bent on maintaining the status quo.

The other day I was talking to an INFP. She was pretty distant until I did her type and within five minutes, she told me that I got her better than almost anyone in her life. I was honest with her and said, "You know I really don't like most INFPs because of how selfish they can be." She admitted to me that when she was young, she was extremely selfish, "but I am not like that now", and I don't think she is. She has learned that to get what she wants she needs to help others; she had developed her Ne, the key to growth for an INFP.

So the comment ESTPs get what they want is pretty offensive to us. Sure, we often get what we want but we don't expect it to be handed to us like other types do.

[Nessie]

Again, im not telling you guys what your type is. I wrote a list of stuff that apparently the ESTP is about. Also, i just asked questions, i didnt make statements. I understand not all ESTP are the same, of course not. I wonder now if hes an ENTP instead. I wish i knew if those accusations of what an ESTP are correct, i was asking you guys for your feedback, but apparently i cant even ask those questions without sounding judgmental about it. Makes sense. But i didnt make up the list of traits. Definitely doesnt make some personality types look good when you read on sites the bad traits about them and hear that some are unfaithful, etc. I really wonder about this guy.. But it looks like you guys cant answer my questions because basically, if anyone answered them and said it were true, it would just make that person, and the rest of you look kinda bad. Sucks. But true.

Hes 35. Im 22. Weve known eachother for 7 months, dated for 5, but things only started really getting romantic, intimate, where he is now falling for me, a month or two ago.

Snow Dove, I wander why do you at first place taking care if this guy is attached to you and if he is ESTP.
Reason? ".......has additions, has moments of depression....". Additions: even plural?!?!

And then you wonder whether ESTPs lie to others or cheat people. Common trait in people with addition(s), regardless type. I dont consider it MBTI issue in general, and lot less because you are even unsure about his type.

I wander if you are kidding yourself in the way that love could save someone with this pack of issues or not (I dont know you). Frankly, love could help someone with issues, but usually not love of some romantic person who want unconditional love from someone who isnt in condition to give it.

[Snow Dove]

I showed him the different types and choices. He chose ESTP. I am very mature for my age. He is older and he is very smart with me, we treat eachother very well. However I can see he has an immature side. And a selfish side. I can see why. But I wonder if he's just in a conquest. Conquest 1- to make me orgasm, 2- to win my heart and trust. Since he does know my concerns and fear with this. If he could feel it is love but is lust and a conquest. I can see how that could be true too.. I don't want to hate ESTP, I want to understand it. If this could be real, or just really fake. But still not on purpose. I really don't think he's trying to use me in any way.

[Eighty]

I showed him the different types and choices. He chose ESTP. I am very mature for my age. He is older and he is very smart with me, we treat eachother very well. However I can see he has an immature side. And a selfish side. I can see why. But I wonder if he's just in a conquest. Conquest 1- to make me orgasm, 2- to win my heart and trust. Since he does know my concerns and fear with this. If he could feel it is love but is lust and a conquest. I can see how that could be true too.. I don't want to hate ESTP, I want to understand it. If this could be real, or just really fake. But still not on purpose. I really don't think he's trying to use me in any way.

You won't know if it's real until time. If he's not trying to use you then what's the problem?

Just be smart! I.e if it's obvious you're feelings aren't mirrored, then talk to him. Infact, anything you;re in doubt about, just ask him. He won't know what's troubling you unless you tell him.

Give each other time, you'll understand each other more and more and all ESTPs are extremely different. ESTPs are more than capable of loving and long term relationships, if they so choose to and their partner understands their needs.

I am an ESTP in love, there you go: Proof!

[Eighty]

I can't speak for everyone, but I really don't care if I look badly. What I am sick of with Fs is that when they feel badly, they look for anyone to blame to feel better. They come on here asking for help when they really want to do is dump their bad feelings on us. We had one young whiny INFP brat come on this forum and basically say her entire life was ruined by bullying ESTPs which included leaders in her church. Every ESTP who read her comments were like "ESTP as church leaders? Are you effing kidding me?"

I actually tried to help this girl at first by telling her that a lot of things she was complaining about could be improved if she had a better attitude. She got all hurt and then another INFP lectured me on being more sensitive and how INFPs needed support when they are feeling down.

Now, Snow Dove, this has nothing to do with you. But when we have another F coming here, and especially another INFP, asking for help and wanting to know the truth about us, we are all like, "Here we go again." Are you really seeking truth and help or do you want to be told something to grab onto so that if it doesn't work out between the two of you, you can say, "All you ESTPs are assholes."

That said, I don't see how it could work between you two. For an INFP and ESTP to work, they would both have to be EXTREMELY mature with their third and fourth functions. Just using myself as an example in comparison to you at your age, I wouldn't have been mature enough/open minded enough to handle a relationship with an INFP, so I doubt (not know just doubt) that another person could be that mature with their third and fourth functions at 22. And your ESTP partner doesn't seem to be terribly mature either.

Let me give you one example of the type of maturity I am talking about, "And ESTP i hear can be people who get what they want no matter what." That is a really immature comment. Do ESTPs get what they want more so than other types? Yes. But do you know how we do so? We work to the bone even doing work we hate, help other people get what they want, and bust through conventional wisdom that is wrong even if it means dealing with a shit storm from people hell bent on maintaining the status quo.

The other day I was talking to an INFP. She was pretty distant until I did her type and within five minutes, she told me that I got her better than almost anyone in her life. I was honest with her and said, "You know I really don't like most INFPs because of how selfish they can be." She admitted to me that when she was young, she was extremely selfish, "but I am not like that now", and I don't think she is. She has learned that to get what she wants she needs to help others; she had developed her Ne, the key to growth for an INFP.

So the comment ESTPs get what they want is pretty offensive to us. Sure, we often get what we want but we don't expect it to be handed to us like other types do.

I know where you're coming from.

My Mother is an extremely unhealthy INFP. I have tried to open up with her and I showed her information about her type, slowly. It's so hard to get her to listen.

She doesn't improve much and it's extremely frustrating having an unhealthy INFP for a Mother who expects everything from you, never appreciates what you've already done and constantly deflects how anything can be her fault. Not to mention she demands constant sympathy and refuses to try and do anything for herself.

[Nessie]

I showed him the different types and choices. He chose ESTP. I am very mature for my age. He is older and he is very smart with me, we treat eachother very well. However I can see he has an immature side. And a selfish side. I can see why. But I wonder if he's just in a conquest. Conquest 1- to make me orgasm, 2- to win my heart and trust. Since he does know my concerns and fear with this. If he could feel it is love but is lust and a conquest. I can see how that could be true too.. I don't want to hate ESTP, I want to understand it. If this could be real, or just really fake. But still not on purpose. I really don't think he's trying to use me in any way.

Snow Dove, nobody in internet could you say, if the guy fakes affection. If I were you, Ill get information on addictions. You didnt mean what it is, but for example if someone is alcoholic, his behaving is having one of certain patterns, which is similar to other alcoholics more than XXXX in MBTI.
And as for depressed people, lots of people in this time have enought troubles with themselves, because depression is able to give really hard time to ppl: it doesnt necessarily mean he is faking affection, it could just come out differently.

And this with lying and cheating: for example I dont lie to BF, because if so, relation for me would loose any sense. Im looking for friend in a way in BF (I dont want just sex) and to my near friends Im able to say everything.

[Snow Dove]

Good to know. Thank you.

[followthyheart]

@Snow Dove Thanks for your post! I certainly had some of these questions, and I am learning so much, here.

@ Adventure I so appreciate what you've written here.The totally different perspectives are so interesting! And it's amazing how people could be so different! These are one of those times when I find out how accurate and helpful the mbti tend to be.:) Especially, I'm glad to recognize that the charm and feeling bored when it's not exciting is both natural for the ESTP type. Just like being the opposite side of the coin that because of a certain strength, there's also a certain weakness that comes with.
Also, you pointed out about the INFPs claiming for selfless love, which is intriguing, and I need to delve a bit more to fully understand what you're talking about.

Hope we can communicate with each other more easily, so we can enjoy one another more often.:)

[followthyheart]

Wow I didn't see the other posts. So my mood may be a little off from the whole conversation..